Please direct a newbie

Our own family has adopted in many ways.....six infant adoptions---all trans-ethnic: two international, four domestic, three older children through the foster care system.... My suggestion would be to contact your local DHS (Dept of Human Services) program to find info about your state's foster to adopt or straight adoption program. You need to keep in mind though, that bringing in a child between the ages of 3-5 will almost assure that you're bringing in a child with some emotional problems. Don't think that just because the child is young---there'll not be problems and even some serious problems to overcome. (Indeed, possibly some problems that cannot be overcome....) Because you're in NY (I read your public profile), I suspect you'll be able to find a child of this age fairly easily. You'll need to take classes (Often referred to as PRIDE classes) and have a homestudy conducted. If you don't think this is the type of adoption for you, an infant adoption can be done by contacting an adoption agency or adoption attorney. You should feel free to 'shop around' in terms of finding out their costs and specifics concerning their adoptions. (What are their average charges, do they insist on open adoptions (including visits), etc) Likewise, regardless of which way you may want to go---private or through the foster care system, you'll need to know what type of child you're looking for: What ethnicity? Will you be open to any special needs such as drug exposure in private adoptions.....possible physical and almost always sexual abuse when dealing with children who've come from the foster care system. What would your financial budget be? (Almost always 'free' when adopting through the foster care system; and certainly significant expenses when adopting through private agencies/attorneys.) There's much more to consider; but talking to your DHS system or a reputable private adoption agency/attorney will open the door for more discussion. I hope this helps in some way. Please feel free to pm me if you'd like. Sincerely, Linny

Our own family has adopted in many ways.....six infant adoptions---all trans-ethnic: two international, four domestic, three older children through the foster care system.... My suggestion would be to contact your local DHS (Dept of Human Services) program to find info about your state's foster to adopt or straight adoption program. You need to keep in mind though, that bringing in a child between the ages of 3-5 will almost assure that you're bringing in a child with some emotional problems. Don't think that just because the child is young---there'll not be problems and even some serious problems to overcome. (Indeed, possibly some problems that cannot be overcome....) Because you're in NY (I read your public profile), I suspect you'll be able to find a child of this age fairly easily. You'll need to take classes (Often referred to as PRIDE classes) and have a homestudy conducted. If you don't think this is the type of adoption for you, an infant adoption can be done by contacting an adoption agency or adoption attorney. You should feel free to 'shop around' in terms of finding out their costs and specifics concerning their adoptions. (What are their average charges, do they insist on open adoptions (including visits), etc) Likewise, regardless of which way you may want to go---private or through the foster care system, you'll need to know what type of child you're looking for: What ethnicity? Will you be open to any special needs such as drug exposure in private adoptions.....possible physical and almost always sexual abuse when dealing with children who've come from the foster care system. What would your financial budget be? (Almost always 'free' when adopting through the foster care system; and certainly significant expenses when adopting through private agencies/attorneys.) There's much more to consider; but talking to your DHS system or a reputable private adoption agency/attorney will open the door for more discussion. I hope this helps in some way. Please feel free to pm me if you'd like. Sincerely, Linny

DH and I are in our late 40's early 50's, so adopting an infant wasn't looking like an option due to our age. We ended up going through foster care and adopted our DD who is now 3 yrs old. She came to us at 18 months old and parents had signed off their rights within a few months. (this is not the norm, it usually takes way longer) Not sure how the system is in your state, but you can contact your local CPS/DHFS(Child Protective Services/ Dept of Health and Family Services) office and ask about an info from them. You can also contact local agencies that handle foster/adopt care. We are licensed through a private agency. You can do a goggle search for foster care/adoption in your state and find some agencies.

thank you for the replies. Linny, we are caucasian, I suppose that would be ideal, is that a possibility? Also, may I ask how it could be that everyone is abused in foster care? isnt' that what foster care is for, to be taken care of? this is so sad. is this something just to assume, or do they tell you this, (the agencies).. cado rose, if you are licensed thru a private agency, do they work with all possibilities, foster and private, as well as int'l and domestic, or do you have to have a separate agency for each? Ideally, I would hope to find a little girl who is not an infant, between 3-5 years old,,...is it possible for younger children to be given up after the birth mother has tried to manage, but cannot? I don't know how this all works, it sounds so complicated. Is there a such thing as an agency who has all contacts and will be able to find the right fit from all the possibilities? sorry, I hope I don't sound silly. thank you for any further advice.

When we were taking our classes (often referred to as PRIDE classes) we were told the majority of children (regardless of age) in the foster care system have been sexually abused. The exact figure we were given was something like 98%. I agree it's horribly sad; the point is, foster care is often the refuge FROM the sexual abuse. It is safe to assume that any child from the foster care system has been sexually abused. I can even tell you of newborns that were removed due to sexual abuse. :( Sincerely, Linny

how frightening. I am assuming you mean those tht have gone into the foster care may be there and have been removed from their homes because of abuse, not that they were abused once they got in, right? are there children who are placed right away, straight from removal, or do they have to be fostered first, in other words, is it possible to find a situation where a younger child or toddler needs a home, and would go straight for adoption? sorry, I know I sound green and naive, but I'm just starting out. its hard to hear this stuff.

Sadly, some children ARE abused in foster care. Even sadder, this isn't uncommon. ANYTHING concerning the foster care system is possible......BUT, is it common? No. Not at all. It is very rare to find a toddler or newborn from foster care----that goes straight into adoption that has NOT been abused or neglected. I'm sure--somewhere---some place----this has happened. But it's definately NOT common. And don't worry about being 'green'. All of us started out somewhere and didn't know anything at all until we started asking questions and researching adoption. Most of us are still learning as things/laws change every day it seems..... Sincerely, Linny