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Said to me the other day while talking with a Mom of color while we were comparing her daughter to Matty. Matty's a tall kiddo and he was only a month older than her little girl but had at least 3 inches, 7 or 8 pounds and walking on her. She had said her daughter better "get to growing and I replied, "Yeah he's a big boy...which was different for me cause my other one is such a peanut." She was floored. Eyes wide and looking at her husband. Like I was trying to convince her not that I was Matty's Mother, but that in fact I was Beyonce. When Ty came up and wrapped an arm around my leg I thought she was going to fall in the pool and end up drowning. She managed to sputter..."That...that one too? Yours?!?" (duh, he's whining and calling me Mama!)
I just smiled and said..."Sure is! This is Matty's big brother Tyler...see what a peanut he is!"
"They are yours?" (again?...lady if I was lying, why would I start telling the truth now?)
"Sure are :)"
My sister was with me, and when we walked away we were both laughing. My sister said..."you know she was asking if you gave birth to them right?" Course I know that she MEANT that! But she didn't ask that...she asked if they were mine, and they are. If they aren't, someone else better wake up at the crack of dawn to take Matty to the neurologist tomorrow!
I'm glad it happened so my sister could see it. I think my family under estimates how often little things like this happen. This time it was funny, but often I'm just not in the mood...
She was in such shock. I just didn't want to give her the easy out and tell her they were adopted :)
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We were at Port Discovery (children's museum) in Baltimore, and were kind of doing the "divide and conquer" thing with the kids, since the girls are older and wanted to do more things than Caleb could do. At one point, I had the girls in the arts and crafts room and DH had Caleb playing in another area. Then we switched, he had the girls doing some activity and I had Caleb. I was holding his hand, trying to steer him a certain way, and an employee (I remembered seeing her in the craft room) came up to me and said "Is that little boy lost?" I said, "No, he's my son." and I could tell she was thinking, "Didn't I just see that lady with two white girls?"
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This made me smile. ;) Just too hilarious! We had a similar thing happen to us last year at softball. Big Girl was playing outside of the dugout between innings. She fell in the gravel and skinned her knee pretty good. Daddy picked her up, held her in his arms and carried her over to me. He stood there a bit and saw she was okay then sat back down. I had to work OT that night so before the game was over I said my good-byes to Big Girl and other softball moms/dads. A couple sitting near us witnessed the whole thing asked, who's going to watch your daughter? Um, her Dad, the one who held her in his arms when she fell. DUH!!! :arrow: Gwen, that has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever heard! My man was trying to score a hook-up and you shot him down. When Big Girl was younger I use to get "that look" you know the one, but if I get them now I don't notice it anymore.
When we are together we NEVER get an questions but I guess thats because we are in a interracial marriage. Funny one day we were in a park and I was futher behind when DH picked our son and headed out the gate. I could see all the CC parents looking like why is that guy taking that baby??
SHD - I'm surprised they said that to you because you and hubby could def be big girl bio parents.
Supa....I much more rarely get questions when I'm alone. I almost never get questions about Matty in general...though he's getting a little darker with the summer weather. When I do get questions about being Matty's Mom, it's always when Tyler is there too, and it's almost always from AA people...I think because they can see Matty is likely full AA like his brother. CC people (mostly) see lighter skin, think BR baby and I'm the bio Mom. Throw Ty in the mix with us, and they aren't sure what to make of it, but think it must be COMPLICATED, so they don't ask.
More than "mine" questions lately I get the TWIN questions. Got it 3 times yesterday which is a new record!! That makes me laugh and I think it's cute...don't care about it at all. I just say they are 15 months apart and keep going.
When we went to the Haitian Benefit a few weeks ago, the band was in from Haiti for just a couple weeks, and they loved Ty (who was rocking the house with his sweet dance moves!) and they couldn't believe that he wasn't Haitian...wanted me to ask his bparents about it. He certainly has very "island" facial features.
Adoptive families deal with the factor that adoption is not a well known topic with the general population. Being transracial OR appearing to be will peek major curiosity. Best to have fun with it, we did. Depends on the area too, but there is always a few who will ask. Dh and I got looks, when our light skinned (in one sons case with big loose curls) were babies. An Asian lady asked DH about our oldest son. I got that "look" from other people (AA or CC) with their biracial looking kids. I was questioned by a cute little girl in my older son's preschool about my younger son's skin color. I have had an AA lady mistake me for my youngest son's teacher. So as said above its true about the baby thing. We figured some people thought the missing spouse was of another race. Now that they are older we do not get that, and our diff hued family is I guess not questioned. We do have fun amongst ourself, since dh and I actually produced the boys (our bio kids). That's the beauty of the DNA. People have not asked questions or made assumptions in regards to DD as she has a similiar skin tone to mine. Yet one lady did assume that my youngest bio son was adopted too. lol oh well.
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SupaModel
When we are together we NEVER get an questions but I guess thats because we are in a interracial marriage. Funny one day we were in a park and I was futher behind when DH picked our son and headed out the gate. I could see all the CC parents looking like why is that guy taking that baby??
SHD - I'm surprised they said that to you because you and hubby could def be big girl bio parents.
SupaModel
When we are together we NEVER get an questions but I guess thats because we are in a interracial marriage. Funny one day we were in a park and I was futher behind when DH picked our son and headed out the gate. I could see all the CC parents looking like why is that guy taking that baby?? SHD - I'm surprised they said that to you because you and hubby could def be big girl bio parents.
I've noticed subtle "looks" from adults, with the rare gawking kind of look as I go through walmart or wherever with my kids. They are a VERY ethnically diverse group & all school age. I find it's the children-especially classmates-that will go ahead and ask what everybody is actually thinking. "Are you his mom? And HIS mom? But he's brown, or black." Then usually, "where's his dad from?" I just say Texas, which confuses them further but has quieted them.
We also enjoy messing with people, and telling them we picked up this kid while hiking up the Himalayan mountains in search of the Yeti, or canoing down the Amazon river when we noticed him living in the trees.
My teen bio child just responds that she was the one adopted when asked-which only works if someone doesn't know what hubby looks like, or hasn't seen ALL the siblings. She tells people it's not her story to tell when pressed further to explain, just that they ARE all her brothers and sisters.
After 2 years, I was finally asked, "Are they yours?" at a 4th of July party yesterday. I kind of stared and blinked at the lady for a split second before saying, "Yes, but we did adopt them if that's what you mean." I've been kicking myself every since thinking that I should have replied, "Of course they are. Why else would I put up with all this whining?!"
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I love giving people a hard time :D I am usually the one who gets questions if I'm out with S by myself. DH has only gotten a question 1x by himself at the Dr.'s office the nurse asked him who he was when bringing her back to the room?!?!? Yeah b/c he's just picking up random kids to bring to the Dr.'s office for a sick patient visit??? Really?!? haha
My favorite was one time in Wal*mart. We ran into S's birth mom and she was about 6 months old. We chatted for a few minutes and I made my purchase and she was standing a few feet away talking to someone. The cashier asked me if S looked like her daddy. I just grinned and replied, nope she looks just like her other mommy! :evilgrin: The look was priceless on the cashier's face, she couldn't figure that one out. I never asked her birthmom if she heard the exchange, but I do hope that she did and liked my answer.
Well, I guess I am just glad that at least she asked. I like that better than the "Look" (as I call it)! I hate that look that people give you. That or the people that tell me that I cannot possibly raise a strong black man. Well, watch me! My son is from the foster care system. He was beaten, mentally abused, and neglected. I might be white, but I know I take way better care of him than that! Don't let it get to you. My favorite response to people that seem to have a problem with it is to give my son a big kiss on the cheek and watch them squirm! I know...I am bad!
My icky looks that I get are usually from older white women. AA women usually just smile or look confused. LOL. I love the confused looks. My son definitally does not look like he is bi-racial at all so I don't get the confused looks. Obviouslly, I did not give birth to him! HELLO!!!! LOL
W and I went to buy a new entertainment center today. There was a white sales associate and a black sales associate in the store. The white salesman asked me if he could help me but I said, "No thank you. She is going to help me" as I pointed over to the the black associate. As we were walking to the entertainment centers she asked, "Do I know you?" I responded, "No. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I just prefer to work with black folks." She looked at W then back at me and said, "Well I can see that!" It tickled me so much and I thought I would share.
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I have two foster-to-adopt daughters - one is 11 months old and AA, the other is 9 months old and CC with blue eyes. We went on a trip and when we were on the airplane, the flight attendant said to me, "Are they yours?".. I said, "Yes." She got so confused that she blurted out, "Oh twins?" I said, "No - they are 2 1/2 months apart." Her head almost exploded trying to grasp the concept.. so she finally said, "No.. these two babies are twins - the blue-eyed one and the um, um, other one." I said..no, not twins, just sisters.I'm sure she is still trying to figure it out.