Visibly Shaken: Lady Contacts Me and Says She is My Sister!!!

Would she be willing to take a DNA test? That will tell you if there is a biological kinship.

DNA testing is the only thing,I can think of.That's probobly the only thing that would convince me,If someone claimed to be my real sister.

definitely the DNA, but you could ask her to send copies of any paperwork. In many states, when the birthmother passes, the file can be opened. As a sibling you can request info as well. I'd check to see if that can be done. I know when I requested my NON-identifying information from my agency, they accidentally left my Mom's name in a spot. There are many ways she could have gotten your Mom's name.

DNA works but it can be tricky as well... If you are only half siblings then you need to have at least three (they prefer having the mother (or father)) but if you have a full sibling they should be able to confirm. We get 50% of our genes from each parent. The 50% is random. The standard dna test only matches 15 ? so they really need three. There are highest level tests (more snps tested) if you only have two. If your dad is still alive then they can use his genes to exclude your paternal genes to help the math. The standard tests are around 100 and higher level start around 500. If you are both female they can also do a Mtdna test which is pretty exact. Find a reputable facility that will give you your options. In addition to asking for the paperwork you can also ask for pictures - sometimes that can answer your question sometimes not. I would also ask any relatives that would have been close to your mom. Most times people remember the mom going away to care for a sick relative or sent away to school... Good luck...and for what it is worth some parents kept their adoption court files that may or may not have contained the mothers name as another explanation. Kind regards,Dickons

Same thing happened to my Mother, except my grandmother was still alive.She talked to her on the phone, and doubted the entire thing. However, Mom agreed to meet in person, and knew the moment she opened the door that it was her sister!I hope it turns out like ours, it has been a true blessing!Tam

Everyone we have spoken to....none of them knew my mother was pregnant. Thank you guys for all of this information. I just feel really bad about all of this, don't understand why or how my mom could do this? We are younger than this girl. I don't understand why would a person give a child up for adoption and then have more? I'm just so puzzled and hurt by all this. Thanks of again, I'm really going to read the forums here.

Shaken, In my era there is an estimated 6 million adoptees so many many many mothers were sent away to maternity homes or a distant relative to 'care' for a sick aunt. Many of those same mothers went home and never spoke of it again. Got married, had families and buried their grief. Chin up and continue on... Why all depends on the era but if no one knew (and the lady is your sister) I would guess then it was 50, 60, 70's...so many were in that position. Before the 70's you could not buy condoms, birth control pills only applied if you were married for a long long time. Parents of the mothers simply wanted the 'mistake' to go away. Shame was brought to the entire family. Pregnant girls were not allowed in school. On and on there really was nothing else to do unless they got married. If this lady is your sister - just be open - she shares the same genes you do. She most likely wants to know where she comes from, what her story is, who she looks like, who she takes after, what her nationality is...what her medical history is... Do you know how many mothers had children within 9 months of marriage back in the day? More than you would ever guess or think. Adoptees are just regular people... Kind regards,Dickons

dear shaken, i am at the moment, in the same place as your new sister, but on my birth fathers side. i have in my possesion my original birth cert, stated on it, are the names of my birth mother and birth father. i got in contact with my paternal birth sister out of the blue through sheer luck, (my birth mother was and is not a nice person so after we met we didnt speak again, but i stayed in contact with my maternal birth siblings) on my paternal birth side, they new my natural birth mother as she had 2 children for their uncle, so are still in contact. but when i contacted them she asked my birth mother if what i was saying was true, she of course denied it all. so they beleived her and not me. so while i feel for you , i can also see her side, she may well have the birth cert and the evidence that she is your sister, i would not object to a dna test as that will prove without a doubt who my father was, so you should ask her to have one, if she's as sure as i am she will have one. you have the chance to be part of her family and she yours, dont let this chance slip away, as she may know morethan you think, speak to her see what she knows. i cant even get that far, as my birth father was and up untill his death still was "a happily married man with children" so if they admit to me i think they feel i destroyed their family memories of the man they loved and i can see that i dont want that but i feel i need to belong and would gratefully receive any chance of meeting them. i dont know if this is making any sense to you or is of any help to you, but i wish you well, go slowly and hpoe fully it will all turn out well for you

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Some birthmoms do choose not to have more children. Others are unable to. Some of us do have more children when we are in a position to raise them ourselves. I placed my firstborn because I was not in a position to be the parent I believed he needed (read my story if you are interested). After I married, I had two more children whom I raised with my husband. D was never a secret and even if he had approached one of his siblings after my death, it would not have been such a shock for them.

Several people have recommended a DNA test, which is the only way to tell if you can't access the records of her adoption. However, she may have her original birth certificate listing your mother as her birth mother. You should ask her how she found you. The other thing to try is that most states have a registry where people affected by adoption (including siblings) can register, and if there is a match the state will confirm that and put you in contact with each other. There is information on this website that tells you how to go about that for each state in the US and a few places outside the US.

I contacted one of my birth sisters. No one knew that our mother had had me - not even my mother's best friend! Back when I was born - it was kept a huge secret from everyone. I encourage you to read posts on this forum & books like "The Girls Who Went Away". Thankfully my sister believed me. I do have proof - my original birth certificate, papers but my other siblings believed me too. I look very much like my birth mom. It probably took a lot for your possible sister to find & contact you. Being on the "other side" I know how much this meant to me. I wish you both the best.

Shaken, Sometimes the adoptee has some information from the adoption agency about the birthparents: physical description (hair and eye color, height), occupation, educational level, medical history, nationality, etc. You might ask if she has such papers and see if these facts could have described your mom at the time.

posted by snuffie: I am in a similar position to snuffie in that no-one knew about my existence. Before I contacted my uncle, I made sure I had as much paperwork as I could and that helped ease the way. Have you actually asked your possible sister what paperwork she has? I think you should speak to her first before rushing in to ask for DNA. As Snuffie said, it probably took a lot for her to contact you and asking for DNA up front may be a little upsetting. She may well offer to do it herself. Good luck and let us know how you go.