How to deal with RAD childs SEVERE tantrums

If it were me, I'd move the bookshelf. An enraged child can rip it off the wall, screws and all. Even with the plexi-glass we did alarm the window to prevent him going out it without our knowledge. If you have a baby, I'd recommend alarming the babies room as well. Rad kids are sneaky and tend to go after the easiest targets and even when you think you hear everything, the exhaustion from the constant need can cause you to miss stuff. Just a heads up from a mom that learned all the lessons the hard way.

In my house, when dd gets in a rage, I escort her to the back porch. If shes not violent towards me, but just screaming. I sit outside and read. IF she is violent. I stand inside. There is a sandbox, so sometimes she self soothes with the senorial experience of sand. Other times she throws sand at the house. (fine by me). The therapist is right. IT does get worse before it gets better. We went through that and are on the getting better side. At first letting her guard down was so scary, that everytime she caught herself having a laugh or feeling comfy...she flipped out. For us, the therapist reccomended not having the room be an option during a rage, because we wanted R to see her room as a fun connected part of her life, where we read stories and play. ((hugs to you and DS3)) The only thing worse than parenting a RAD kid, is being one. Come here to vent, we get it.

LucyJoy pretty much hit everything. I have had to remove all things from her room except her mattress. No boxspring, no dressers, no closet doors, no hangers, no toys, no nothing. You must put safety first. Its hard to walk by such a stark room, but the child must be kept safe. Alarms are a must on the doors and the windows. My daughter actually felt safer with alarms on them. We also had to take all light bulbs out of her room due to fire setting. Its all in the name of safety. Be sure to have a doctors note stating that this the best for the child. When the police are called to your home, its necessary. The police see the innocent child. Its very difficult when the child suddenly puts on the face of perfection after a long rage. In my case, my daughter would calm down but she still remained very psychotic in her talking.My daughter can now verbalize at times when she feels the need for alarms. Not always, I keep a look out, but she realizes that the alarms keep her safe. I did restraint on my daughter when she was this age. Now she is thirteen and much too large and strong for me to restrain. I now call the police whenever she is out of control and threatening. It is a hard line to define of when to call for help and when to deal with it yourself. Only you can decide that one.This child sounds tough. Keep asking for answers on how to deal with it. Many of us have been through this, and many are currently dealing with it. We can help. If we can't help, we can listen.

A friend of mine has 2 kids with RAD that were adopted from Haiti. She has some awesome therapeutic RAD parenting videos she's made regarding the rages, tantrums, and other behaviors. It helps to know you aren't alone and are pretty interesting to watch. Christine has them posted on YouTube so other parents with RADlings can access them when they need some encouragement and/or help. Search christinemoers on YouTube and you will find all of them there. Or you can check out Christine's blog at [url=http://www.welcometomybrain.net]welcome to my brain . net[/url] . She keeps links posted there too. The advice you've been given so far sounds pretty good to me. I do know with any type of therapy it always gets worse before it gets better.

Our son's room is very bare. We even had to remove the common spring door jam because he took it off and used to to scratch the walls. We have a rubber door jam mounted on the wall in a bombproof fashion like they use in commercial environments. A hard floor helps make it easy to keep the stench down. The vent is screwed down and has a metal screen blocking it about 5 inches down to catch whatever he throws in. Once in awhile he spends part of his Saturday using plastic straws to try to fish out bits of poop and legos that he has put in there. A lot of paint has been peeled. They almost came down the day he moved in, but they were saved by a casual comment: "We thought about not putting curtains up at all because we wanted to be able to walk outside and look in your window to see what you are doing. We aren't going to put them back up if they come down." The curtain rod makes a dreadful "U" shape, but they remain. We have a burglar alarm on the window and it is programmed to sound the trouble code even when the system isn't armed so we will always know it happened even during the day. When he has problems our preference is to keep him with us if possible, but that doesn't always work. His rages can't be his free ticket to interrupt mommy time for the other kids. He is doing much better now so the room gets used less. The get to the room and stay there problem was solved with strong sits (sitting still, eyes closed, good posture). He had to do a 5 minute strong sit if he wasn't to his room promptly and another for each time he dinged the door alarm. For the first week or so he often got 3 or 4 at a time, then he challenged us big and once had to do about 30. After that, just 1 or 2 once in awhile. Strong sits had to be completed before the next meal. The only reason strong sits work is because they have to be completed before the next meal.

Wow! I can't believe I'm reading your experiences! It's like we have the same children! since little, he has had the tantrums from "hello." I'm talking, headbutting me awake when I was asleep in bed. and this is when he was three. hurling himself againts my shower door when i was showering. so i'd lock my bathroom door. at least he couldn't hurt himself at much. he'd get so ticked off when iwas on the phone, he'd run and get the other cordless phone and start banging it on the tile. I agree. Window alarm, or window lock. I prefer alarm since i'm scared of fires. Our six year old son was on "house privelges" meaning "grounded" and "no friends." We call it house privileges but he isn't stupid. Anway, the first time he went out the window was when he was grounded and he wanted to go outside. I guess since he couldn't go out front door he decided to go out second story window and run around on roof. Definitely magnetic locks on any cabinets/drawers you don't want opened. because of tantrums in car, therapist says our son "gets" his own row. ha ha . noone wants to sit by him to get kicked, spit at, or hair pulled. locks on my other children's doors so he can't steal and sabotage their stuff. when he does injure them some way, he has to reconcile by doing service to them. the first few times, it was physically exhausting dragging him upstairs to have him take out their garbage or make their bed. i thought i was going to die. we expect compliance on first request. if he cries and throws a fit, which he usually does (and he is seven now) or he will automatically be defiant about refusing, then we put him on stairs and start kitchen timer for five minutes. everytime he yells, screams, or gets up, we set up for a couple more minutes. this may sound extreme, but a few weeks ago, my husband had him on time out on stairs for three hours. anyway, he has had such a difficult time. at diff times he does better, depending on his meds.

Well first I applaud you for having this wee chap in your home. Some good suggestions by all. I have spent some years working with behavioural issues, mostly with children with disabilities. It also really important to remember the "catch him being good" approach as well the aversive consequences for his unacceptable behaviours. Sometimes these moments maybe few and far between but it is sooooo important to catch them when they happen, and follow very quickly with a positive consequence. This may only need to be your attention for a few minutes, or it may even need to be something more tangible. It all depends on the level at which the child operates...and to start it needs to be as much as you can spare the time to notice and respond respond. Work out what he loves..a game, a cuddle, a 'good boy', anything that he loves to receive. Sometimes we all get wound up with noticing the bad stuff...thats easy! Noticing the good stuff can be tricky. eg good boy for sitting so quietly. Good boy, you haven't hit your sister etc etc. This is a little simplistic, but a beginning to positive reinforcement. I will check up on this post to see how you are going. :cheer: Susie who cares

I could never get my dd to go where I wanted her to go when she tantrumed. I alway ended up leaving the house or the room so that the dogs and I could remain safe. We vacillated. We could never decide which could help her...meds or therapy. We were doing both a lot. Therapy has helped tremendously. But finding the right medication and the right dose has been a life saver. When she got out of hand, I use to call the police. We are in a small suburb, so they had time. They would diffuse her. The last time we went to the station, the police came out and said, "You again. That's it. If I see you one more time, you are going to Juvie." He told her it may take them a few times to figure you out like it did me, but they will. Never had to call them again. There is nothing to break in the house and no one to feel sorry for her. I had her hospitalized once, and that seemed to be the turning point. Try everything. If you can get your son to rage only in his room, then you are already better than me.

About tantrums in the bedroom... I told the therapist today...I let my son freak out in his room, but I don't let him throw tonka trucks, etc. she said, go ahead and let him. let him put a hole in the wall. don't show a reaction. have HIM help fix it. putty it. etc. about anger...she said if it's not too cold, take him firmly by arm and put him in back yard. say, i'll check on you in a few minutes. if you're done screaming then, and you're ready to go to time out, i'll let you in. if you're not ready for time out, you can stay outside. let them pound onthe door. i haven't tried it yet but i'm ready. ha ha

Yep, that's my approach to bedroom rages. GG and Gem have complex PTSD (though neither has RAD) and when they get/got triggered and their bedrooms got wrecked, while they were doing it I stood near the door and said soothing things, although didn't get too close to them or they would go through the roof. Afterwards, the clear up was made into a fun task together..I used to (still do!) sing that Mary Poppins song (spoonful of sugar) while we did it :)

we have a 7 yr old w/ adhd mood disorder sensory intergration and RAD i found a book called when love is not enough great book another supportive parenting which in general had some helpful info

I can't recommend PP' s book enough. Love Nancy Thomas. Hoping that you were in DS's therapy with him. If not get a new therapist. Parent being in the room during AD therapy is rule #1!!!!!

we too hVE this prob. one thing ive tried is to pay attention to what sets him off and try to do a preimptive motion and divert him another direction also if he gets to violent i remove all of us and lock us in my room and tell him we love him but until we feel safe we have to be in there away from him when he is ready to show us love and kindness he can join us and then when he does we try to do a movie or a game as a family

nancy thomas book when loves not enough fantastic it is tuff though looking at a child w loving eyes and show alls this extra love when this child ia in such A deep rage ands hurting ur others i love my son but at times i dont like him which hurts i hate feeling that.

Read up on therapeutic parenting. Try books by Daniel Hughes. His philosophies work much better with my daughter than Nancy Thomas. Read, read, read and try everything you can until you hit something that works. When it stops working, start the process again. I know it's hard, but it's doable.