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I have been looking thru the threads on this site since 2007, searching and hoping my birthmother or family was searching as well. After so long, you start to wonder if they or her ever think about you. As a mother of 2 boys, I don't see how you can avoid not thinking or wondering about the child you gave birth to. My search has been going, off and on, since I was 17 and I now have the year she graduated and what school. But somehow I feel hopeless in this search thinking that maybe she just doesn't want to be found. Why not? What could be so wrong with meeting the little girl that was never given a choice?
Us adoptees, that were born and adopted in a state that keeps the documents closed and sealed, literally have to jump thru fire to get any kind of information. We are the ones that weren't asked if this is what we wanted. I understand in many many circumstances that life with an adoptive family would be so much better for the child. But when the child becomes an adult and wants information on where they come from, who they come from, and what were the reasons, they are face to face with a long, very tough battle. It's our right to know this and we deserve to know this information. Those birthmothers who want to hide by choice are being ignorant. I would love to meet by birthmother to tell her how grateful I am that she chose to give me to a very loving woman who could never have a chance to have a baby of her own.
When you read these threads you will soon realize that there are millions of people looking for their birthparents or birthparents looking for adoptees. I was heartbroken when I read about a birthmom who found her son and learned that he died a few years ago from a heart condition he was born with. Then I was more upset to hear that the Adad didn't want anything to do with the Bmom. She is the reason the child lived with them in the first place. If she didn't make that choice they would have never had the chance to be blessed with his love, while he was alive.
I apologize for my attitude and my contridictions. One minute I'm upset at the birthmother and then the next, I'm defending her. It's just probably because the only person I felt close to in my adoptive family is now passed on. My adoptive mother died Jan 2009 and I'm still morning her loss. I guess it's becuase my first mother gave me to my second mother who just died and now I can't find my first. So I'm so angry and hurt all the same time.
Well, anyway lots of luck to you all out there in your searches. Just remember that once you commit to finding who you are looking for, don't have too high of expectations with what or who you find so you won't be dissapointed with the result. God bless you all.
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Us adoptees, that were born and adopted in a state that keeps the documents closed and sealed, literally have to jump thru fire to get any kind of information. We are the ones that weren't asked if this is what we wanted. I understand in many many circumstances that life with an adoptive family would be so much better for the child. But when the child becomes an adult and wants information on where they come from, who they come from, and what were the reasons, they are face to face with a long, very tough battle. It's our right to know this and we deserve to know this information. Those birthmothers who want to hide by choice are being ignorant. I would love to meet by birthmother to tell her how grateful I am that she chose to give me to a very loving woman who could never have a chance to have a baby of her own.
When you read these threads you will soon realize that there are millions of people looking for their birthparents or birthparents looking for adoptees. I was heartbroken when I read about a birthmom who found her son and learned that he died a few years ago from a heart condition he was born with. Then I was more upset to hear that the Adad didn't want anything to do with the Bmom. She is the reason the child lived with them in the first place. If she didn't make that choice they would have never had the chance to be blessed with his love, while he was alive.
I apologize for my attitude and my contridictions. One minute I'm upset at the birthmother and then the next, I'm defending her. It's just probably because the only person I felt close to in my adoptive family is now passed on. My adoptive mother died Jan 2009 and I'm still morning her loss. I guess it's becuase my first mother gave me to my second mother who just died and now I can't find my first. So I'm so angry and hurt all the same time.
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I was having a very bad morning and I just typed everything that was on my mind. Some of my words came off badly. I am sure you are right that I'm more upset about my mom's passing and less about my search. I am prob in the mind set of finding her to replace my mom, but noone will be able to do that. I appreciate your kindness, even though I'm sure you didn't say some things that you may have wanted. I have issues that need to be dealt with. Good luck in your search and God bless.
True, and it's not exactly like the registry is common knowledge. There are no guarantees. Having said that, what if your Bfamily was registerd, or someday find out about the registry and sign up? I'm not a fan of the state registries, because so few people do realize they exist. It's a shot in the dark, but it is a shot.
Have you check with the agency that handled your adoption? Inquired about your non ID info? There is another registy, but I can't remember what exactly it is called ISS something. Do you know about that one? I signed up with it over 20 years ago, and I believe there was no charge for signing up. It is the largest registry, or was. Have you registered here on A.com?
I know. It all sucks. The more information you get the better your chance. The more registries you sign up with the easier it will be for anyone to find you if they someday look. It's frustrating I know.
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[url=http://www.isrr.net/registration.shtml]ISRR Registration[/url] - the International Soundex Reunion Registry is what you were referencing, shadow.
You should most definitely request non-ID info from the adoption agency, the state, ISRR, and the hospital where you were born. Here's info for the TX registry if you did not already have it:
[url=http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/reqproc/adoptionregistry.shtm]Texas Vital Statistics Central Adoption Registry[/url]
If you Google my full name, my profile here on Adoption.com is the first or second result - so, I know that if a biological relative were to search for my DOB, they would EASILY be able to locate more info about me. I am also registered with the state of NY, ISRR, Adoption.com...and I send updates to the state reunion registry and the agency that handled my adoption every year or so that the info they have on me is up-to-date. It sometimes seems like a lot of work with no real result, but like other people have said - - it may end up being worthwhile.
The first thing you have to do when you are facing issues like grief or loss is acknowledge that you need to deal with it - and you've already done that! So many times, meeting a biological mother or relative is SO disappointing for an adoptee - especially one who was trying to replace a family member they lost, like you feel you may be trying to do. If you can work through your grief issues now, and are fortunate enough to be able to meet biological relatives at some point in the future, you will be better-prepared for whatever outcome!
Hi Lisa,
Like you I started searching when I was just out of high school and ran into dead end after dead end. It was a very stressful, trying and emotional process and I had a lot of the same thoughts and feelings that you describe in your post. Things didn't start to come together for me until a Search Angel came across my registry on this site and started helping me piece together the very complicated puzzle of my biological roots and tracking my elusive bio mom. Now, I'm in my early 30's and have found my relatives on both bio dad and mom's side and have met my bio mom in person!! I just want you to know, that it does happen and a lot of what you are thinking may not be the reality once you are able to find who you are looking for.
I am writing a blog about my experiences growing up adopted and searching for and reuniting with my bio family. Feel free to read it - I know you will be able to relate. [url=http://www.adoptedabby.blogspot.com]My Adopted Life[/url] or through my website (that I just started) [url=http://adoptedabby.com]Adopted Abby [/url] .
I would love to talk to you more if you are interested.
Take care and good luck!!
Abby
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Just to reply to my own thread, I just found my BM by my adoption file getting usealed. I then, with her full name, found her obituary on the internet. She passed away at age 57 exactly 5 months after my AM passed. I was very upset, but once I made contact with my B-older brother and he told me that my other bbrother and bsister wanted to get to know me and one day for all of us to meet made me feel like I was finally whole!
Things happen for a reason, and we just have to see that we don't have control on some things. So I will be embracing life and living today like there is no tomorrow.