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To any of the bmothers out there whose family didn't know about their child at the time of adoption:
Did any of you feel that over time, it was the actual adoption you were ashamed of rather than the birth of your child? That is, did you feel that it was hard to tell your family about giving your child up for adoption because you were worried your parents might be upset because they would think that you didn't trust them enough? I hope that makes sense.
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I gave my son up for adoption 17 yrs ago. My mother knew but some other family members didnt. For me, it was just easier at the time to not say anything. And these family members, I was very close with all my life. I guess in a way, I was ashamed. I already had 2 kids and a 3rd on the way. I knew,or at least I thought I knew, what the outcome would have been if they knew sooner. I waited til after my son was born to tell them. It didnt, however, change how they looked at me. They loved me more.
Today, my son and I talk everyday. I had my first reunion with him and his aparents. It has been nothing short of a amzing, wonderful experience. He has had the life, I dreamed for him to have every night before I went to sleep.
It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make in life and cried myself to sleep my times for many years. I could not have picked 2 of the most wonderful, courageous parents for him. They are my angels.:wings:
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Caths1964,
We had a semi-open adoption. For me, I received yearly letters and pics. About 1 year ago, my son actually found me. It as been a amazing journey this past year. Not only was I reunited with him but his wonderful, adoring a-parents.
It saddens me when I hear adoptees talk about bad reunions or not even finding they're b-mom.My sons b-dad was in a closed adoption back in the 70's.
When I was with him, I remeber trying to find info on his b-mom but it was so difficult. So, when I was going through the adoption process, I promised myself I would never allow that to happen to my son.
I have always tried to think positive through the years,(if he would ever want to see me) but the "what if's" where always there. My son was raised to be a kind, gentle, understanding young man. He has a heart of gold and is understanding to my decision.
hi sillybean, you say "My son was raised to be a kind, gentle, understanding young man. He has a heart of gold and is understanding to my decision". I suspect that he has inherited a lot of those qualities from you as well :)
Unfortunately, I was never able to meet my own bmother but have met the extended family and they say she was a very kind woman (and I have seen lots of photos). The reason I wrote the original post was because according to my uncle, their mother once said to her sons/daughter when a distant teenage cousin ended up giving up a child for adoption "if any of you get into trouble, i would want to know" which I think would have made it even harder to say anything because her mother would have felt devastated at not being trusted.