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First sorry about this I mean no disrespect to anyone who reads this ....
My husband I adopted our son at birth... I love being a mom it's the best thing in life .... but our Open Adoption is starting to take a toll on me...
Quick History...
BM is 17 when she gave birth
BF was 31 and is now in Jail for it...
Both of them come from extremely bad families...
We were open to family members having a part in our son's life as long as they were Respectful and well after several bad months the only person we are talking to is the BM
we just found out that she is 8 weeks prego... my son just turned 10months old .....what the Hell ... this time by a 35 yr old .... and they are going to keep this child which is great ...Don't get me wrong ....but what do I tell my son one day ...about this.... it eats at me and now she asked me for pictures of my son so that she can send them to his BF who is in Jail for having relations with more then one lil girl .... and I dont want him to have pictures of my son.... exspeacially is the sex offender unit ... plus the BF's M wants to see our son but she disrespects the BM and us in front of our son and even tore me a new one 2 days before Xmas about this all being my fault calling me every name in the book
I feel like the worst person in the world when I want to set rules... like if I do it will affect my son one day and I don't want that
I just feel so lost and helpless I love my son so much and he is truely the most amazing thing that ever happen to us... I have a blog set up for the BM and the pictures are locked so that they can not be saved to another computer or printed out .... that makes me feel better......................I feel like I'm RANTING sorry
am I allowed to feel protective about my son... my feelings I feel like no matter what we do someone is going to be mad and hurt ... I just don't want that someone to be my son ...
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As someone living an open adoption with BP's with baggage, I can empathize is wanting to be protective and the anger and urge to judge the BF and label them as bad.
Believe me! I have had several days screaming on the phone at caseworkes and my poor husband who was at the visitation when inappropriate things occurred.
Yes, we have a couple acused pedophiles in our midst (one showed up for the supervised visitation and dared but his hands on DD). I completely went mama bear on his ***.
That said... A 30 year old who has sex with a 16 or 17 year old is not the same type of pedophile who molests infant boys. The immediate threat to your son is not there - especially with him in prison. You may not like what he did, but he is the BF to your son
The BM is clearly hurting and is looking for something (love? missing dad?) in these relationships. I hope she's able to get the help she needs and finds a way to heal
Now bluntness time. When you adopted your son, you chose to be connected to these people for life. You are the one sane grown up from the one listed.
You will probably end up parenting the BM as well as the son. I'm living this now. I don't mean you need to move her in and change her diapers. You need to set boundaries, hold her accountable, and basically model what it means to be a responsible adult.
You need to find a way to connect with this family in order to balance your son's need to know his roots, against your need to feel safe and secure.
The are no "bad" families. Some of the fanciest, ivy league home have alcoholism and sexual abuse. There are poor, struggling, under educated families who have good hearts. My guess is they are culturally different from your family.
Set the rules - by all means. Just be careful with judgements - kids pickup on these super quick
good luck!
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You're the parent, you get to make the rules! You also have the responsibility to protect your son as you see fit. If that includes not allowing the bioD to have pics, then that's your decision. You know more about the situation than anyone else. Just make your guidelines( as you have done) and stick to them. If anyone is disrespectful to you, then don't feel bad about cutting off contact or doing whatever you decide. They chose to break the rules, not you.
JessicaHolten
I have a blog set up for the birthmom and the pictures are locked so that they can not be saved to another computer or printed out .... that makes me feel better...