Asians adopting an African child?

. We are in the reverse situation you are in. My partner and I are both African American and our daughter is Asian-American. We live in a large urban area and I have never seen a family like ours before. I believe there is a silent stigma against trans racial (African Americans adopting outside of their race) adoption in the African American community because there are many Black children in foster care. However, I don't think people realize that its difficult to adopt domestically and most of the children in foster care are school aged. Healthy babies and toddlers are rare because there are many couples waiting for a baby. Anyways, I think you will get most of the same questions and comments Caucasian parents get except these two situations. People may ask "Why didn't you adopt from an Asian country?" When we are out with Firefly, people ask us this one a lot and we just tell them that this is what God gave us. Second, adoption agencies and other adoptive parents might pressure you into adopting from Korea. We had this happen to us plenty of times. In fact, one social worker swore to us that they only place African American babies, yet on their pamphlets were covered with blond haired, blue eyed babies. Another agency tried to persuade us to adopt from Ethiopia instead of Russia because "the children really need homes in Ethiopia". But the wait time in Ethiopia was 2 years versus 12 months in Russia! But once you learn to deal with those issues, it become a lot easier. The vast majority of the time, people say pleasant things about our family or mention how cute Firefly is.

sugarandspice, it is interesting to read your post. What you are reporting is a bias coming from adoption agencies and social workers. Would you say that the society and environment in which you live is more accepting of it than adoption professionals are/were? In my opinion, transracial adoption has become a politicized topic where the best interest of the child took a backseat. Seems to be slowly changing, or so I hope. What prompted me to doing my thesis in transracial adoption by non-white parents was when I heard from several black adoptive parents and social workers that transracial adoption is a "white privilege". For example, you might wish to read the following: [url=http://www.colorq.org/PetSins/article.asp?y=2005&m=11&x=11_2]Double standards in interracial adoption - whites who adopt interracially dictate that Asians should adopt intra-racially - Pet Sins Webzine November*2005[/url] I found this link tale telling, and I was like "oh yeah, that's what's really what's going on". The notion among adoption pros that non-white people "should adopt within their own race" and that transracial adoption is acceptable for white folks only is something that you can not prove - yet it's out there. One of the findings in my thesis, BTW, will relate to the topic of social worker bias against transracial adoption by non-white parents. This bias is a big deal because social workers have a big say adoptive placements. The bias can manifest itself in forms like talking prospective adoptive parents into adopting a child of their own race and up to flat out preventing a transracial placement. I am happy for you sugarandspice, being a pioneer in a new era where, so I hope, transracial adoption will be accessible to and acceptable for adoptive parents of all races and ethnicities.

Wizard- I completely agree that society seems to think that transracial adoption is a white privileged...which to me very closely seems to mirror a situation where it's only "ok" to adopt outside your own race if there aren't enough of your own race to go around. There is a shortage of white babies, so it's ok for white people to adopt babies who are not white. There are many AA babies available, so AA should always adopt AA babies. It's a very stick to your own unless you "have" to adopt outside it sort of mentality. For many people they need to know the reason we adopted black children. When they find out it was fast, many thing that was our reason. When we had our budget set for Tyler, many agencies told us...oh you know you could adopt a CC child with that budget right? Transracial adoptions perception by others has a long way to go. I'm not saving them, I didn't do it to get a kid faster, I didn't do it cause it was cheaper. I did what was in my heart. Sorry, not good enough...

I appreciate your responses. I guess the questions that I am striving to answer as accurately as possible are...Are we prepared and equipped to raise an African child in a predominantly white suburbia? How will the child feel being raised by Koreans and all of his family- immediate and relatives being so different from him. I am afraid our decision will maybe create too many hurdles for him/ her to climb. Going by the statistics of those who adopt, many of you are who are reading this have lived the privillege of being the majority culture, and may not understand the subtle and still existent racism that still exist in today's world for minorities and I struggle with the question- in adopting a black child into a Korean family, are we putting too much on the child's plate? I am at a place where I am trying to reconcile this profound love for a child of different color and backgrond and the stalk reality of what all that will involve in our culture and to say the lieast, it's a lot to digest. Do we believe that love will conquor all? We so want to believe that it can, but we are also realists and we have to be for the sake of the child.

We are Christians, and of late, God has really shown us more of His heart of love for orphans in Africa and how it breaks over their lack of love and even basic needs. The invitation by Him is to come along side Him in caring and loving them and my heart just wants to adopt one, two however many we can so we can hold them close, show and prove how valuable and loved they are all of their lives under our roof, but there are factors that we MUST consider carefully and where I am is at a stage of information gathering to figure out how big, exactly or roughly, is the obstacle that we will be facing. This will help us to determine if adopting is really the best way for us to love the orphans and if it is, it will help us to go in with our eyes open and better prepared for the battles ahead. If you have any insight, stories, information that can help us to arrive at a point of better understanding, I'm all ears. Thanks!Kelly

KS100, I think you are asking some very wise questions. It's not as simple as just jumping in and going with your heart as some would like you to believe. I believe it certainly can be done and I'm sure, just from the questions you are asking, that you could probably do it well. And that is because you understand what the world is truly like. You understand the importance of a child being around those who look like them and have a shared experience of what it's like to be black in this culture. Being "colorblind" is not the way to go. I think you need to look at your suroundings. Do you have AA neighbors? Friends? Are the schools in your area diverse? Are you willing to go out of your way to help your child have more experiences with those of their race? Of course being Asian, you will get questions and maybe some comments. You will have to learn to be strong and deal with them. Do a lot of reading on the topic. As far as if you actually can approved for an adoption from an African country...you will never know until you pick up the phone and ask. You are already a minority and you know a good part about how that feels in America. Of course as you know, blacks tend to get a bit of a worse rap when it comes to societies views so you WILL have to deal with that. But again, sounds like your heart and your mind is in the right place. I wish you the best on your journey.

KS100, as an Israeli and as a Jew, I am also a minority in America. I have been discriminated (e.g. by Christian adoption agencies), people treat me differently after they hear me speak etc. I think that as minorities, we are more sensitive to the topic and therefore, the transracial adoption of a minority child will play out more naturally for us compared to mainstream Americans. It was my experience that adoption professionals tend to make a huge deal of transracial adoption. As I said above, it is the behavioral/emotional/medical issues that pose more challenges to adoptive parents compared to ethnicity. My former boss (Caucasian) and his wife (Caucasian) adopted a girl (Caucasian) at birth. She is a teenager now, suffers from bipolar disorder, is suicidal and needs lots of special care and therapy. All this has taken a tremendous toll on the whole family. As he says, this stands in no comparison to the adjustments needed had they adopted e.g. a healthy African American child (they love their daughter dearly). I always wanted to adopt non-white children, since I was a little girl. I never had a doubt, not for a second, about my ability to handle any transracial adoption. My transracial adoption (daughter is black/Marshallese) works out very well, and I have only good things to say. Since I adopted my daughter, I get lots of positive attention and smiles, especially from the black folks here. It's really nice, now I feel that there is a special bond between us. In my opinion, people have over-analyzed the topic, politicized it, and just generally fuss too much over it. It's not that complicated. Here, on this board, I got criticized for saying this, I was labeled "colorblind" and "naive" - as somebody who is active in adoption research, this one makes me laugh - but this is my opinion and personal experience. If I thought something else, I would say something else, but I really think that transracial adoption is not such a big deal. ks100, you ask many questions which is good. However, if you deep inside have a many doubts about your ability to handle a transracial adoption, then you should not do it. I think one needs a healthy dose of self esteem, curiosity and the ability to adapt in transracial adoption. If you doubt whether it might work, if you oscillate between 'yes' and 'no' or if you think that your child might suffer, then don't do it.

WizardofOz,I appreciate your response, however, I find your advice haste and judgemental. You associate trying to find answsers to questions at the front end of a decision of this magnitude with having unhealthy dose of self esteem. That's a far fetched conclusion. You seem to be saying that anyone who is asking tough questions is not fit to adopt. I'm sorry, but I just can't even take that advice seriously.

ks100, I had no intentions to offend you with my answer. My intent was to share my personal experience and professional knowledge with you. I regret that you call my sincere advice "haste and judgemental" and that you even accuse me of labeling you as having "unhealthy dose of self esteem". I am sorry that this is how you feel. Good luck in your adoption journey.

Very well thought out questions/thoughts on so many layers. I am AA and I felt the same about adoption in general. I adopted an AA child, but yea to adopt is huge. I can feel the tugging of my heartstrings, I want a baby/child, but is it enough? When we went to our classes, the SW were wise enough to break a few bubbles. lol I really wish you well. :-) Not sure how close you live, but one of the best resource imo and per feedback is PACT. Even as a "pioneer" you will have great resources, and support.

The other thing I wanted to say is that pushing around a cute little AA baby in a stroller is much different than an older AA child or teenager walking around the neighborhood or the mall. Those who have not gotten there yet don't have much experience with that. Having to explain racism to your black child who feels different already b/c he doesn't look like anyone in the family is going to be a tough job. I know that I can't do it alone. I think some people misunderstand what some are trying to say when we warn of such issues. It's not to say it can't be done or it can't be done well, or even that it shouldn't be done. It's to say that there are more things to be aware of when raising a child in a transracial family. It's to say that it does take work and extra understanding. And if one wants to blow that off, what does that say about them and how they will relate to their children? So don't think of it as negative. Think of it as knowledge is power. Just like NickChris said, she felt that way when getting into adoption of a same race child. As a CC parent to two beautiful AA kids, I know how important it is to have a healthy awareness of what our kids experience is and how I can make it better. A lot of people here have helped me to understand that and for that I'm thankful.

Hi ks100, Does your family support your plans for a transracial adoption? I think that this will be huge should you decide to go forward. I also agree with the notion that you should think of how it will be raising black kids outside the infancy/toddler period. Everyone finds them cute when they're young, but not so much when they are older, particularly boys. It's just something to think about in your decision-making process. Best of luck to you :)

Ks110: I believe all parents - regardless of their race or ethnic background - ask this question before they adopt. Only you can know what is best for your family. Are you willing to move so that your child isn't the only Black person in your community? Are you willing to branch out to other African American families so your child can maintain a sense of closeness among people who are similar to them? Are you willing to disassociate with family members and friends who may not accept your child heritage? If you can honestly answer those questions and feel comfortable talking about your concerns with your husband and social worker, then you might be ready for transracial adoption or you might find out that its not in the best interest of your family.Its difficult to know how your child will feel about being adopted transracially. Some children will have issues with looking psychically different from their parents. Others might have issues about simply being adopted and not having ties to their biological roots. Or maybe your child could careless about adoption and race and just wants to build a family or further their career as they grow up. I personally believe parents should be open to talking with their child about the difficult questions they might have about their heritage. Especially with international adoption because more than likely, you will not have much contact with the birth family. When you answer their questions and address their concerns I believe this is the gateway towards a healthy identity.

ks100, I had no intentions to offend you with my answer. My intent was to share my personal experience and professional knowledge with you. I regret that you call my sincere advice "haste and judgemental" and that you even accuse me of labeling you as having "unhealthy dose of self esteem". I am sorry that this is how you feel. Good luck in your adoption journey.__________________[url=http://moviesonlinefree.biz/]watch movies online[/url]

Kelly, just saw your post today. I met an Asian mom who adopted in Ethiopia. Her daughter understand her language and is being raised the way her mother wishes to raise her and they are mother and daughter. It was beautiful. What was your final decision? What has God placed in your heart?