Advertisements
I am in the process of adopting from Poland as a single female. My request is for a sibling group (male and female from 4-10 years of age). I received a referral that happens to be a sibling group. However, they are splitting up the boy and girl to two single females in different states. I thought it would be important to keep siblings together instead of further traumatizing them. I am told that I can only adopt a child 10 years of age or older and that I will not be offered a sibling group. Any experience with this type of situations?
Like
Share
Advertisements
I have not heard of this either, but it was explained to me by my translator in Poland that singles rarely do adopt in Poland because they are at the bottom of the pile. They look for families for the children, not children for the families usually, so they take a kid and they look first for a local family, then for a foreign polish family, then they look at Catholic couples, then non catholic couples and then finally if none of the files they have are parents that are looking for this kid, they will look at singles, but they are more picky about singles.
I would be very concerned.
It is not good practice to split up siblings unless there is a very good reason. As an example, if one child has a serious physical or psychiatric special need, and the other child does not, they may place the healthy child first, because they do not believe that he/she will be adopted if he/she has to wait for someone willing to accept the other child. Or if one child has been abused by the other, they may split the pair for the safety of the abused child.
You really need to find out why these children are being split up. As an example, if it turns out that the child you have been referred has a history of abusing the other child, this is something you should know, because he/she could be a danger to other children in school and such. You might want to decline the referral if you feel that you can't handle the challenges of parenting a child who has become an abuser, possibly because of abuse perpetrated on him/her by parents or others.
Where is your agency in all this? What was its role in making the decision to refer one child to you and one to someone else? If it did not make the decision, can't it advocate for keeping the children together? And at the very least, can't it insist on getting more information about why these children are being split up?
Sharon
I have asked over 30 questions regarding the child's birth family and child. I am awaiting the response. Ironically, this child was selected without a competed home study and recommendation. The social worker that is completing my home study is going to be my advocate as they think it is ridiculous to separate these children especially since I am willing to adopt both. The only claim made was neglect of the children and the guardian felt that they needed individualized attention. I think separating the siblings is yet one more trauma in the lives of these children who have suffered enough loss in their lives.
Advertisements