Everyone needs a little RADlet right?

Get the book "I love you rituals" by Becky Bailey. R loves these. Congrats! I know how much you care about S. I think thats great. Inching closer to your full house dream!

no advice (beyond my scope), but wanted to congratulate you :banana:

Well, until pools close, swimming is good, especially if he doesn't know how and you can teach him, throwing kids in the water gives you chances to sneak in a hug before you toss them. Bedtime stories in a rocking chair are good too.

Thanks! I really do care about S so I am quite happy to be able to give him a safe place to be for however long he needs it. As for the book, I added it to my Amazon cart. I should be placing an order with them in the next few days and it looks great!

thank you!!!

We have passes to the local pool and S loves to be thrown! As for the rocking chair, S has a history of SA so I don't allow him to sit on my lap. It is hard for him I think but I worry about false accusations (can't ever really trust those RADlets right?). Anyone have any thoughts on this...should the SA make certain bonding activities off-limits?

While my son isn't RAD, and definitely wanted to attach, you can't spend 5 yrs being moved around within the foster care system without having some attachment issues. I second the swimming. My guy couldn't swim, so lots of skin to skin contact while he learned. If a rocking chair is not an option, a porch or patio swing is a good substitute. We found one pretty cheap on craigslist. Also, playground swings are good for hugs while pulling back for a really good push. Rocking and swinging is also very good for brain development. Thumb wrestling was fun for us. Distracting while in line, waiting for appointments, etc. Almost like holding hands, and definitely good for a few giggles. Another fun thing is to get him to try to catch popcorn or something in his mouth with you throwing it up in the air. It's fun, funny, and you're "feeding" him without feeding him like a baby. We had cuddle time every night before bed. To talk or tell stories or sing songs/nursery rhymes (had never been exposed to most) or just be together quietly. Also, writing "secret" messages on his back with your finger. He has to guess what letter you're writing and then put them all together to know what your message is. While I understand the fear of false accusations or flashbacks, etc. I think it is especially important for kids with a history of SA to be exposed to and learn to enjoy healthy and nurturing touch. This is just my opinion, though, as a mom and not someone trained in dealing with such things. I'm sure RAD adds a whole other dimension to it too. Congratulations. Have fun and laugh as much as possible!!

So glad you like it!!! All of Becky Bailey's stuff (Conscious discipline) is great. You'd probably get a lot of use out of it in our classroom, too. I've seen her at conferences a couple times (and will again in October). She's incredible.

L is 9 and we make up a lot of little rituals. For example, we say good morning to a tree that we both find beautiful as I'm dropping her off at camp every morning. Until recently, I kissed her stuffed giraffe (my favorite animal) on the nose before bed every night and then she kissed it in the same spot. (Then we both got sick and I thought maybe that wasn't the most sterile habit!) It doesn't have to be anything big. Sometimes the little things matter most!

If a child is going to make false allegations against you, it won't matter whether they sat in your lap or not. You really can't prevent that if that is what the child is determined to do.I feel that children with a history of sexual abuse need touch more than children without it. All children need touch. A child of SA needs to learn that touch can be good. If you never hold them, how can they learn that adults can be trusted and they can touch you in a non-threatening way. I believe that it is a MUST to hold the child in your lap while rocking and giving eye contact in order to promote bonding. These children have no idea what a healthy relationship is like. My husband and I would make a point to hold hands, hug, kiss in front of our daughter (appropriately of course). At first she would freak out. She would yell for me to run if he came close to me. But we kept it up. She needed to see it. At first, she would totally freak out if tried to hold her in our laps. But we kept it up because she needed to learn that all adults don't have bad intentions. She needed to learn that we just wanted to sing to her and talk to her and love her. She still has problems with that (after 7 years) but we keep on. I think that by not holding a SA child, you are affirming that touch is scary. Instead these children must learn that touch is healthy and necessry.

If he has SA issues, is he going to be safe with two younger boys in the house?

He was in a house without kids in his last placement but before that he was with other, younger kids. The CW knows that I am getting my boys from TX and that they are younger. I don't know the extent of the SA issues (what was done to him and if he acted any of it out) but I will definitely be getting those details soon.

I don't have any studies to back me up but I believe this to be true. My daughter was 8 when she came home to us and we would have never bonded without snuggling at bedtime, her sitting in my lap, and the random touches. I do understand your concern and maybe when you know more of the direction the placement will take you will know how much he can handle. Laughter was one of main ways to bond. We had a game called Make Me Laugh. Sometimes I had to say something really bad, but I got a giggle out of her. Brushing her hair was the final frontier but it helped us learn trust.

Just got back from vacation to NYC & Connecticut, and catching up on things! Congrats!!!! So glad to hear that S will be with you full time, keep us updated on things!