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My son was dx RAD at age 2.5 but we were released from therapy around his 3.25 because there were signs of attachment and his behaviors were improved. It was BAAAAAD for quite some time. My son is 7 now and he is VERY attached, very bonded and we are to him. He still has some behaviors where the RAD "shines through" but overall, I don't think he'd be given the dx today. The last time he had a serious cycle was before his 5th birthday, it lasted 4 months and it was stressful because it was so much worse than when he was three!! LOL THAT was RAD, every moment of it. So, because he can still cycle, I imagine the terminology is that he has RAD. We have a mental list of emergency services if we need them, but it seems so far removed from where it used to be. We're not so on edge anymore, we've let our guard down a lot. My question is... how do you deal with the label (any dx, not just RAD) when it doesn't seem to fit MOST of the time? Most of the time, I have a sweet, attached, adorable, shy, funny, very smart little boy. Sometimes he's whiney and negative and gets frustrated when you play board games. Overall, he's a joy. I hate the dx. I hate the label. I wish I could throw it away because he IS attached, verified by therapists and well-known to ANYONE who knows us. Still... it's always there.
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You know, it's not even the reports that bug me and the only time RAD comes up is when I am online, it's not part of our daily lives anymore (except online). It's just the label *I* can't seem to let go of. Like, if he's particularly irritable one day, "Is that RAD?" You know, it's probably not but it's the label I go to. Someone reminded me that a child with RAD cannot attach. Duh. But my son IS attached, has been for years. So, I asked his former therapist, does that mean he no longer has RAD? Her answer was that attachment may always be something he struggles with. She said we ALL have attachment issues, some of us are really good at attaching, some struggle with it. It may not come easy for him as he grows. And I also know a disorder is not a disorder unless it effects your daily life. It does not effect his daily life anymore. I think I need to let the diagnosis go. It no longer applies to my son. :D
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When your son is difficult, is he difficult in ways that are more or less specific to RAD or is he just being strong-willed? Is he challenging your role as mom? Is he behaving violently toward you and/or the rest of the family? All kids can be difficult, but there are things that RAD kids are more likely to rebel against than most others.
My daughter was diagnosed with RAD and ADHD, making it difficult to determine which issue was the basis for any given negative behavior. We finally decided to try medicating the ADHD (after more than a year of behavior modification therapy) so we could reduce its influence and see what was left. I'm not suggesting that your son has other problems, just that there are a wide variety of causes for unpleasant behavior and it may require a process of elimination to find your answer. :)
When he was dx, it was spot on. His behaviors were perfectly in alignment with the dx. But now that he's older, there is so much that no longer fits. It did. It no longer does. He has a lot of the "peripheral" (sp?) behaviors of RAD that have stuck around but they are more unpleasant that challenging. We do not play board games with him, he can't handle losing. We do not buy video games where you "lose" or the characters have x amount of lives (like Mario Bros, for example, 3 tries and you're done). I have to cheerlead him through his schoolwork, if he gets one answer wrong, he can go into a 20 minute funk. Just unpleasant, not unbearable. Irritable. Grumpy. Negative. Eeyore, for sure! When he cycled the last time, it was so so bad and I know that can/will happen again. I guess my point is that I no longer choose to live on edge that every time he faces a trigger, he will spiral into the unbearable behaviors again. He has been doing so well, I need to put the dx in the BACK of my head after all this time, not in the forefront. BTW, if my son were to be dx today, I think we'd have some PTSD issues, not RAD.
He may very well have PTSD. The same trauma the caused that RAD could be causing the longer lasting symptoms of PTSD. When I spoke with my daughter's new therapist for the first time he mentioned it as a possiblity for her. I never would have thought of it but it makes perfect sense. Another diagnosis that can run alongside RAD is juvenile bi-polar, which would perhaps also present in cycles. Bi-polar, RAD, and ADHD are all listed together as being very similar and often seen together.
"Definition of Reactive Attachment Disorder
By Mayo Clinic staff
Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers.
A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected, abused, or moved multiple times from one caregiver to another. Because the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met, he or she never establishes loving and caring attachments with others. This may permanently alter the child's growing brain and hurt their ability to establish future relationships.
Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition, but with treatment children can develop more stable and healthy relationships with caregivers and others. Safe and proven treatments for reactive attachment disorder include psychological counseling and parent or caregiver education.
Hope this helps. This is what we were told about our children with RAD
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"Definition of Reactive Attachment Disorder
By Mayo Clinic staff
Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers.
A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected, abused, or moved multiple times from one caregiver to another. Because the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met, he or she never establishes loving and caring attachments with others. This may permanently alter the child's growing brain and hurt their ability to establish future relationships.
Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition, but with treatment children can develop more stable and healthy relationships with caregivers and others. Safe and proven treatments for reactive attachment disorder include psychological counseling and parent or caregiver education.
Hope this helps. This is what we were told about our children with RAD
Thanks for that! I think it's true in that I am sure my son will cycle again during those more challenging times of change in his life. No doubt. I feel as long as we have emergency services to turn to when we need them, I can trust his regulation for now. It's been two years since it's been ugly. It's nice to just let it go (at least for now). Thank you!! Great description.
It has been two years since my daughter tried to gouge out my husband's eyes, but it doesn't go far from our minds when she goes into a tantrum. She never had any warning before she would physically attack besides a tantrum.
Our pediatrician is now treating her as if she has an anxiety disorder and she has been on Risperidal for a while now, which may be why she has not physically attacked either of us.
What I always thought was odd is that she doesn't physically attack her brother or anyone else, just me and her dad.
It's completely normal for a RAD kid to focus anger at the adults who represent authority -- mom and dad. The siblings aren't a threat to her view of the world like you and your husband. Presumably she developed RAD because of neglect and/or abuse from her parents, therefore her rage is directed at those who represent the source of her trauma now.
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I am so sorry. The violence my son showed as a toddler was mostly against himself. He would bite himself and thrash out at us only because we were trying to prevent him from injuring himself. Now when he has a tantrum, he regresses to a whiny 2 year old, but his tantrums are NOTHING like they were, not nearly as violent, only loud and prolonged. He is really mostly regulated, thank god. When he cycled 2 years ago before his 5th birthday, we thought he was being miserable but we didn't consider RAD (we were stupid and thought he was "cured") until he was sent to his room one night and started screaming we didn't love him, we weren't his family, we wanted him to go to a new home, etc. It was horrible to hear your 4 year old screaming this stuff. Oh, plus the I hate you's, too. Can't forget those. The last we heard that was that miserable 4 months, 2 years ago. During a normal day, even the tantrums, the worst we hear is "This is the WORST DAY EVER!!!" That's his go-to phrase when he doesn't get his way ;) I know MANY parents here with RAD kids are stuck in that miserable spot we were in two years ago. I don't know how you all do it. I don't. I was leaving home on the weekends to go visit friends and family and letting Daddy deal with him. I was a mess. RAD sucks. No two ways about it.
Yes, RAD sucks. No two ways around that.The heart of the issue with RAD is no attachment. So, if your son is attached, he doesn't have RAD. I do believe that all children with RAD, even after healing, will have some attachment issues. In times of stress or uncertainity, they will revert to their previous behaviors. But if they remain attached, then I don't think its RAD.
My daughter has recently started the "I hate yous", often coupled with "you're stupid." She doesn't appreciate it when I look her straight in the eyes and say, "I know you hate me, dear, and that's fine." If she takes it further than that I might ask her if she'd like to live somewhere else--after all, living with me means having to live with my rules. That seems to call her bluff; the answer is always no. A few nights ago we somehow (ok, it was in the middle of a "discussion") started talking about how the orphans in Russia stay in the orphanages until they're 16 and then get kicked out onto the street with no family and no one to care about them, and I didn't want that for her so I brought her home with me. I think she almost "got it," producing some of the first genuine tears I've seen from her. As she cried on my shoulder she even told me I was a good mom. Maybe the tantrums will prove to be a short-lived phase for her.
Tears are good. :) Our answer to I hate you was always, "I know you do, but I love you" or "I'm sorry about that but I still love you." Then, when he was regulated, we'd talk about how, "I love you, even when I am mad at you and even when you're mad at me." I think it helped. Although the other day he told my husband that I (me) "hated" my younger son who was having a rough day. I think we need to work on that "even when I'm mad at you" part!! :loveyou:
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CovenantCreek
It's completely normal for a RAD kid to focus anger at the adults who represent authority -- mom and dad. The siblings aren't a threat to her view of the world like you and your husband. Presumably she developed RAD because of neglect and/or abuse from her parents, therefore her rage is directed at those who represent the source of her trauma now.
ScrapMonkey
I am so sorry. The violence my son showed as a toddler was mostly against himself. He would bite himself and thrash out at us only because we were trying to prevent him from injuring himself.