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My husband recently adopted my son by step parent adoption and we are thrilled. We haven't talked to my ex for almost 2 years. I am dealing with some guilt for this reason: My son has a older half sibling. We are not keeping in contact with my ex because we feel as if it's not in his best interest to have a relationship with his biological father at this point. It's a long story. I haven't talked to the mother of my son's half sibling in over a year. I really liked her and wanted my son to meet his half sibling but she still is in close contact with my ex and his family. So I'm torn. My family is telling me not to contact her or anyone that has a connection to my ex but a part of me feels like I should. She never did anything wrong to me so I feel like I'm not being fair to her or her son. What do I do? Please help!!!!
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If you don't think it in your son's best interest to have contact with his bio-father, then I would not make contact with the half-sibling since they have bio-father contact and that could get complicated. My sister cut off contact with my niece's half-sister for the same reason. My niece was only a baby the last she saw her half-sister and until recently (she's 12 now) didn't even realize she had a half-sister on her father's side. She found out from a cousin, but really didn't seem to care one way or the other. She knew she has a half-sister on her mother's side, but just considers her to be "her sister" because they grew up in the same household.
My other sister cut off contact with her adopted daughter's bio-brothers (one teenager and one newborn) because they were being reunioned with the bio-mother and my sister didn't want her daughter having contact with bio-mom. She was very young and barely remember them. She knows they exist, but doesn't seem to mind that she doesn't know them. In fact, as I wait to adopt from foster care, I have spoken to her many times on her feelings about open adoption and sibling contact so that I can get a firsthand perspective from an adoptee. She has stated many times that she is glad she doesn't see them because she thinks it would feel "weird" to have siblings that she only sees a few times a year. I'm sure that is just because she is not used to it. If she had grownup seeing them then she probably wouldn't think it was "weird".
I think if your son is not already bonded to the half-sibling, then he will be fine with no contact until he is old enough to decide for himself.
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Thank you for your insight! I am adopted as well. It was an international adoption and a closed one. It doesn't bother me at all that I don't know my biological family and haven't searched for them because the family that raised me is my family and always will be. I have never had experience with step parent adoption and if my son would feel differently since we know the biological father. It relieves me that your niece has no interest in seeing her biological family (and actually could) and I hope that my son feels the same way. My son doesn't even remember that side of the "family" (and I use that term loosely) so I honestly don't think he will be affected by not having a relationship with them. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear your advice. Thank you!!!!