Open Adoption Goal

I had only one goal, to make sure my son's own story was complete. I wanted him to never feel like there was something missing because I wasn't in his life. Whether it's seeing my face and knowing where his eye color came from, or if it's that he has a talent for swimming or basketball and I can tell him that came from me or the birth father, or he wants to know about his ancestry. I don't know what those questions will be, but hopefully I'll be around to find out.

We adopted our nephew out of foster care. His bfather is my BIL. The goal was not to lose this beautiful boy from our family. The open adoption is a work in progress, complicated by the family relationships. Ds will not lose his family--he will know about and have contact (as he wishes) with his bparents. His biosister is still in his life, and he will be in her wedding in November!! I am so happy about that!

My goal, as I adopted older children, was/is to allow the kids to continue to be able to see & talk with their first mom from time to time, so there would be no mystery about her. I wanted them to know who she is, realize she has her limitations regarding parenting, but they can still know her and see her and love her. I wanted them to understand I DID NOT take them away from her, that was a result of consequences of her behavior that DHR did that a long time ago. I do not want them to blame me one day as they would surely go to her eventually when old enough, and believe they could have had a strong relationship with her but I prevented it. If bridges are to be burned in their relationships at some point, I need it to be something she caused herself which she may well do. But I will know I have done whatever I could do to help my kids grow up healthy mentally as well as physically. All that is easier said than done. She's not making it easy.

I've had friends who were adopted and they were from closed adoptions. They all had a few common characteristics... a sort of never-answered question of who they were, where they came from, wondering about their genetic make up... a lack of a strong sense of self. (They were all strong people, from wonderful adoptive families, but they just had questions that could never be answered. I think that hurts a person.) I hope my daughter won't have to grow up with that sort of torture, & know that she was loved above all, & that I wanted her to have a warm life full of love, lacking nothing materialistically or spiritually. I've lived a hard life and have been working hard to dig myself out of it. She doesn't have to. I hope she'll get to know me, my story, learn from my mistakes, & that I can be there to support her when she makes her own. Even in a small capacity. I'd be so happy to know her. I'd also like to be reassured that her parents are taking good care of her.