Concerned about weight/adopting

I know that for international adoptions, there are some weight restrictions for certain countries. But im pretty sure for domestic adoption there isnt. The main part is that in your homestudy you need to have a physical and that needs to come back that you are relatively healthy with no major health problems. As far as an emom not picking you.... i dont know what to tell you about that. Are there some emoms whom wouldnt pick you because you are overweight...Sure. But there are also alot more i think that wont make it an issue and can look past that and see that you will still be good parents no matter what your size is!!! There are TONS Of factors on why an emom picks a certain family and i dont really think that weight will be a huge issue as long as you are still pretty active people and have enough energy to run around and play with the baby. Just a side note, i thought that no one would pick us because i work full time, NOT going to be a SAHM, im NOT suzy homemaker, and i work on a farm. Which is kinda an unusual profession for a woman. Anyways, we have waited a long time, but we are now matched and some of the main reasons why emom picked us were because she liked the fact that i worked and that i worked on a farm. That is the main reason that attracted her to us. And i thought that it was going to be the reason why we WERENT going to be picked. You WILL find the right match, it just might take a little longer than expected, but dont get discouraged, Good luck, Rachel

One of the main reason's I never felt comfortable with a domestic adoption was that the BPs choose you out of a pack. I'm sure there are some people who won't adopt to some heavy people (I'm your size).. Or people with a prius, or a nose ring, or who are a lapsed catholic, or a softeware engineer. They go with whomever they feel comfortable with. If their values aren't inline with yours, they might not pick you But you know what? Thats ok. That just means THAT baby wasn't meant to be yours.

I totally understand where you're coming from. . .speaking for myself, I think I am completely overthinking things. . .every picture I put in our profile book I stared at wondering "what if they don't like this?" or "what if she doesn't like that?" and the truth of the matter is, we cannot predict what will draw someone to us or away from us for that matter. I read where one couple debated putting a picture of their dog in the profile because it was a big dog, but it ended up that the birthmother who chose them had the same kind of dog growing up! I just decided that whoever views our profile will see us, as we really are. Like wcurry said, if the birthmother does not pick you, then that baby wasn't meant to be yours. . .good luck!

Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement. I feel much better and more hopeful!

I've had similar concerns. I'm large, single, and Jewish. I have friends who adopted who are larger than they would like and he's older than a typical parent, and they were chosen right off the bat and have a beautiful little girl; I know other people who look totally ideal and waited a long time. My agency keeps reminding me that emoms pick adoptive parents for all sorts of reasons (I've heard of someone picking based on having the same kind of dog, too!) and NO pap could fit everyone's ideal. As my social worker reminded me, the only way to be sure someone will pick me is if I'm a thin, fat, tall, short, single, married, rich, middle class, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist who lives on and off a farm in a small town and small, medium, large city. Good luck!

Originally posted by ruth74: As my social worker reminded me, the only way to be sure someone will pick me is if I'm a thin, fat, tall, short, single, married, rich, middle class, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist who lives on and off a farm in a small town and small, medium, large city. Good luck![/QUOTE]This made me laugh!! Thanks for that. I worry so much about not being picked because I'm single and have a dog. I keep being reminded that everyone gets picked eventually. There's no way to predict how long it will take but it will happen! Good luck on your journey!

I am pretty much the same size as you and DH is a 2xl, and we have adopted 2 healthy, beautiful baby boys in less than 2 years. I think that many, many birthmoms will look past the appearance and at the person you are. And in our case, one birthmom actually LIKED that we were bigger because she is a large lady and didn't want her baby to be the only big person in his family.

This post has been reassuring for me as well. Thanks.

I am in similar situation and using an agency that stresses half open (or half closed) adoption (to atleast meet birthmom once, if possible). My husband and I were chosen by someone who is interested in looks but choose us because "I looked like a mom". The other thing I can tell you is that when we first met the birthmom i was so nervous, but the agency director said that the birthmom was probably just as nervous as I was, thinking she might be judged by me. When I really thought about it and turned it around, it kind of made sense; we were both nervous (for diff reasons), but nervous just the same. You never know why someone will choose you, but i think you have to believe THAT someone will choose you. Good luck!

I am your same size and my husband is also large. We are both healthy except for our weight. The bmom of our adopted DD picked us because of our education and jobs. She felt that she could not succeed in life due to lack of education and she thought that we valued education and would help our DD do well in school. My husband has a 4 year degree and some Masters Work and owns his own Software Engineering business. I have a Masters Degree and 2 years toward a Phd, and am a teacher. Our match was totally about education and less about the rest of the stuff.

I am impressed with the fact that you are training for a marathon. I did a half a few months ago and I have no desire whatsoever to do a full. It was some serious hard work. Adoption is scary. Our home is small and we are very middle income, not high-middle but middle-middle. Probably lower than your typical adoptive family. Getting approvals from the facilitator, the SW and then getting chosen by emom is a real humbling experience.

I am much larger than you and my husband is a men's medium. Booger. ;) We consindered many roads to adoption and decided, for MANY reasons, foster care. Always in the back of my mind was, "A birthmom wouldn't pick me, anyway." Well, our current foster daughter's mom sat us down when the baby was about 3 months old and asked if we would adopt her daughter. I cried and cried, not ony because fd would be ours but because I was wrong, a birthmom very well might have chosen us. FD's birthmom gave me SO MUCH MORE than a daughter that day, she gave me a lot of self confidence and self respect. Pretty ironic, huh? Full dislosure: I have since had gastric bypass and I am 70lbs down from that conversation. Still, it was nice to put that personal issue aside. For me. :)

Ty's birth parents are stocky people. Another reason they picked us (we were the ones picked for our dogs) were that "she didn't want her meatball with a bunch of string beans." No idea why she though he would be a meatball, cause he is skinnier than a string bean :) I think the assumption that emom's would never choose people who are overweight also assumes that no emom's are overweight.

I totally understand your fears, because I have them too! I just keep telling myself that there will be something about us that an expectant mom likes, and will make a connection.

i'm glad this thread was started, because we are in the same boat. i am a bigger gal, size 16-18 and dh is 6'1" and 250. not huge, but we could both stand to lose. it's terribly hard...we all know that. i am also positive that a birth mom will choose us, not for how we look, but for who we are. i think that we are all so nervous and overthinking everything, that it's natural to start worrying about things like the appearance of my closets during home study, our weight, and what our references might say on their recommendations forms... just hang in there. we'll all be blessed somehow. -m