Husband not in agreement

Personally, I feel open adoption or semi open is beneficial for your kiddo. They know they're adopted, they may have genuine curiosity about their bio family--doesn't mean they don't love you, just a natural desire to know where they came from. I don't have any issues w/dh over my hope to one day get more info about the bio fam. We have a listing of the siblings names for one of our kids and I've gone onto fb and ms and copied pictures of the siblings for the ak's to see later in life. We have a box of stuff for each of the kids to look at when they're older, or if they want to whenever they're able to ask of "birth" stuff. So, maybe ask him what he thinks of maintaining connection without them being aware... like copy and saving pictures or even watching their ms or fb pages for updates and keep a journal for your ak. This way you're protected, your kiddo is protected, and you're still getting info??

Manderzmcg79, thank you so much for your advice. I took what you said into consideration. I started my conversation with him by saying that we would want to know if our son had a bio sibling and we don't want to leave it up to the state to find us if the baby goes into care. He understood my concerns and agreed, as you suggested, that we can sort of watch her from a distance. Thank you again for giving me the courage!

We adopted our DD through foster care. She came to us at 18 months old, Mom signed her rights over to us within 6 weeks( second time in care)and 8 months later completed the adoption. Whirlwind fast. We were told Mom had a lower IQ and couldn't really care for the baby and that Dad , who had signed his rights over before she came to us, was a big problem, had a terrible temper and was possibly a danger to our DD. We had agreed to 4 visits a year with Mom, but she just couldn't do it. I think it was too hard on her, but we tried to keep the lines of communication open for a year. By the time DD was approaching her 3rd birthday I decided to find out where both parents were and attempt to re-open communication. I only knew what CPS had told me about Dad and nothing else. We had one visit with Mom when DD was 2 yrs old. Dh and I discussed it and I went on FB, found both parents and friended them using another FB page than my regular one. It would be only for them. They both responded and dialogue began. In this case, neither parent was a drug user nor had they ever abused or neglected DD. We now have a very open dialogue and visits. Mom lives in another state and Dad lives about an hour away. It is super important to us that DD knows them and grows up knowing they love her. The things we were told about the parents have not been true for us and our experience with them. We're moving slowly though and hoping to build a solid foundation with them so that DD will be able to know them and visit with them the rest of her life.

Thank you CaddoRose, for sharing your story with me. I hope that in the future we may be able to have a similar story. I have no reason to fear his mother and have everything to gain from a relationship with her. We don't have very much information about her at all and the man listed on the birth certificate was not his bio father, so we don't have any idea who is bio father is or even what ethnicity he is. I would love to have this information from her so that we can (or maybe even she can) share it with our son. One wonderful piece of news: when I googled her name I found her high school track records! I am so happy that we will be able to tell her son that he is a fast runner, like his mother!Thank you all for your support!