Do we continue visits with bio siblings?

Did the sw's say why? Was there abuse? It's tough; when your DS gets older, he may wonder why he doesn't see them. And in the computer age, it will come out.

Mille- There was abuse by the parent to the kids, but not child to child. He has a photo album with their pictures in it, and we dont hide the fact they are out there, but the SW are saying to give him a clean break. None of the other children are wanting to be adopted, they are wanting to age out of the system and go back to bio mom and dad. I want to make the right choice for him. He is aware of what adoption is (the best a 4yo can). We are open about the process.

I would tend to agree with the SW's. If the older sibs return too the bio-parents and you keep an open adoption with the sibs, then you are also open to the bio-parents (who abused him). Perhaps you could keep in touch with them as FB friends or something, so that when your child is older, IF he asks, you can give him information about his siblings.

Totally agree with MamaS: if older sibs want to go back to bio parents, use FB to keep in touch.

We found that with our soon to be adopted daughter that the older siblings get busy. Their adopted parents get busy. They really don't have time for the little one. However, I did send an invitation to our adoption hearing... maybe they will come.. maybe they won't. Her siblings are at least 10 years older than her and never have lived with her at all but, At least we tried and we can tell her that we tried! The social workers say just let it be! I tend to agree. Whatever you do I know that it will be in the best interests of the child.

I think it is a case by case decision... Do any of the older biosibs show attachment to your little one? Will THEY be negatively affected if contacted stops? I agree if there are a lot of behaviors after visits and he does not ask about them- maybe just try to keep contact info for them and so down the road when he does you can get in touch. My adopted son is 12, and was one of 7 biokids. He feels very attached to his 18 year old brother who was adopted by a family about 45 minutes away from us, and we do everything we can to maintain that bond. But he never really asks or talks about his sisters, who were all babies at the time of removal, they were adopted together and while I have contact info for their new mom, and she has my info, we really don't work to maintain that connection because it seemed like there was never much there to maintain. So far it works for us.

I would set up sending pics twice a year adn an update with them, just so they know he is ok and thriving. As they get older, it will mean something to them and to him if they have had at least this much info. See if you can get the other parents to do the same. Maybe set up a FB page just for the families or something similar so you can all exchange pics and updates. I would do what I could to keep the lines of communication open for the future.

As the spouse of a child who aged out of foster care during a time when the system routinely and purposefully cut all contact with sibs I can say that this is not the best way to handle things for all parties. The older kids have often been caregivers for the younger sibs, so they (older) may have a connection and a concern for the younger sibs. The younger sibs may have a reciprocal connection, or not. In our situation Dh's sibs did make sporadic contact throughout his childhood. Usually years apart and mostly to 'check in' and see that he was ok. (Like when one was being shipped out in the military, when another got married, etc.)I would encourage you to keep the channels open so that you can exchange pictures/letters and arrange for face-to-face contact as needed/desired. This doesn't mean that you have to have the sibs over every month, or for all holidays. Just keeping the lines of communication available. In this day and age of internet social sites this can be pretty simple to set up, and privacy can be maintained as needed.

I completely agree with Caddorose. You don't to do visits right now but always keep the openess so they'll have contact. I'd also start thinking about what you'll do/say when you son asks more questions about his siblings once he's older. Maybe he'll want to start a relationship then and if that happens and the sibs are then back with bio mom, what will your plan be? I wish you the best of luck and hope you guys can come up with something to benefit all parties. :)

Our two see their siblings a few times a year for parties, etc. One of my kiddos has a twin in another home. They are all adopted. At 6 & 7 they are finally starting to realize thet they are their bro/sis and not just people we meet ever-so-often. Just do it at your own schedule. I think it's important when they get older and establish their identity, especially as a teen to have someone to go to with a shared experience. Good Luck:o