help for my niece is who thinking of adoption

Maybe she does know who the father is, but just doesn't want to share that information? Perhaps her relationship with him is less than friendly...because one might think that she would be going to HIM for $ and all of that, you know? So perhaps it's a bad situation between the two of them. Of course, if she truly does not know who the father is - that is another red flag of immaturity. It shows that she does not value herself very much, you know? Maybe someone - you? another family member? where are her parents...? - needs to 'scare' her a little. If trying to help, help, help isn't working, then maybe you need to tell her that, if she does not step up and act responsibly, that you will take measures to have the child removed from her and her rights terminated when she gives birth. Tell her that her behavior does not indicate readiness to be a parent, and that if she refuses to take care of herself and her unborn child and 'step up' that you will take action. I don't know if this is necessarily a good idea if you do not plan to follow through on this type of thing when push comes to shove, but maybe it will scare her into making some changes. It is one thing to be stubborn and want to do it all on your own [her refusal to seek financial help with paying bills] but it is another thing to refuse to seek help when you are pregnant and no longer responsible only for yourself, you know? She needs to get it together! How much has she talked about adoption? Has she done any research? If she is serious about this as an option, then she has plenty of time to look into it further. I think she needs to know that, if she continues to be nonchalant about this pregnancy and refuses to make decisions and take care of herself, that - somewhere down the road, probably sooner than later - she may find herself in a situation where someone in her family or an employer or whomever reports her to social services for failing to care properly for her child. IF that were to happen, the consequences would likely be even more traumatizing than her making a decision NOW, you know? If she's not 100% sure about parenting, she has choices. She is lucky in that regard; to have options. So, it is a matter of her stepping up as a woman - and if she does not possess the maturity to do that, then someone in her life must take action, because it is the child who must be considered in this situation. Your niece comes second now, and if she doesn't quite 'get it,' then I suggest taking some more extreme measures until a light bulb goes off for her. Kudos to you for taking the time to try and help her!

A little background on her. Back in 09 she got pg from what she told me was just a "fling". At 4 months she had a m/c. I told my mom that I'd bet anything she'd end up pg again within a year and I was right. From what I've read on her FB page there is a possibility of more than one dad. She claims she was on b/c and used condoms. Not sure if this is true. All during her high school years the only thing she's talked about is how she can't wait to have a baby, so I get the feeling she might have been ttc. She is under the impression that she'll get all this free stuff from the government. I told her point blank that getting government assistance is nothing to brag about. It's very very little. All her friends that do have kids tell her how neat and fun it is. But, they live with their parents or boyfriends. Her mom, my sister, is deceased and she is not on speaking terms with her dad. Don't know the whole story on that. I know she has trouble paying her electric bill. She's always getting it turned off. My biggest concern is if she decides to parent this child, she'll put off taking the baby to the dr. because she don't have a ride. When she applied for medicaid, she faxed in the paperwork from her job and they told her she needed to come up there is person. That was back in july and her excuse is that she can't find a ride. I would take her, but I live about 40 miles away and we only have one car. Every time I give the reality of what it's going to be like having a baby, it just goes in one ear and out the other. She's just recently talked about adoption. I think maybe she did look into government programs and found out that she's not going all this free money to pay all her bills. I just hope she makes the right decision.

She will not be required to name the father if she truly doesn't know who it is, she just says it was a one night stand and it happened at "x" time on "y" day at "z" place and this is what the guy looked like, or whatever of that information she can provide if any and DHS will do the rest of the investigating. They can not refuse her services for failing to name a father if she truly doesn't have the name. The hospital's medical social worker (MSW) will help her apply for medicaid if she shows up in labor and w/o insurance, federal medicaid is three months retroactive so it will cover anything she has done three months prior to the date it is applied for (Hopsitals want to get paid for the servicfes they provide, this helps them do that). I don't know about other places but here, any mother who arrives w/o having sought prenatal care is automatically referred for a MSW consult to ensure that the mother/child have what they will need prior to discharge (you have to have a car seat to take the baby home in, Michigan law) and services will be put in place before the baby is discharged. Failing to seek prenatal care and poverty are not considered substantial enough abuse/neglect to warrant removal, it is what she does/fails to do, after she gets the baby home that could put her at rsik for a protective services case and potentially land the baby in foster care. I was back to work within 1 week of each of my first three pregnancies because I did not have maternity leave and our financial situation demanded I provide an income, she does not have to take 6 weeks off unless she has a c-section and most of the adoption situations I have heard of did not provide post-birth living expenses (but I am not clsoely tied to the private/domestic adoption world so I could be very off here). Once she gets medicaid (the hospital will ensure she and the baby have it prior to discharge) most states have a program that provides transportation for medicaid recipients to medical appointments. If she is not yet enrolled in an Early Head Start program, she should do that, they take pregnant women and infants through age 3 years. It is a weekly home visiting program in many areas (some areas have a center-based program) that provides links to community resources, parent education on care/development of infants and toddlers and assistance with a variety of concerns that parents living in poverty encounter. Workers on Wheels, a program that provides free (used/donated) vehicles to working persons (families with children are a top priortity) might be an option she could sign up for. In our area both DHS and Goodwill work together on this project. Having a child changes your federal status for assistance with financial aid for college, it makes you an independant and qualifies you for $2,500 of financial aid per semester on what is call a Pell Grant(money you don't have to pay back), that is enough to cover 12 credits and books at most community colleges as well as have a little left over for living expenses and most people will qualify for Stafford Loans (range about $10,000-15,000/year) to cover additional costs including living expenses (no credit check is done). Many programs assist single mothers who are trying to get ahead with education, it is definetley something to look into. If she chooses adoption make sure she will be provided adequate counseling prior to placement and post placement. She can even take the baby home and "try out" parenting for a while and if she decides she is unable to handle the responcibility can then place the baby for adoption. From the perspective of a once teen parent (pregnant at 19yo, gave birth at 20) a baby has the potential to really change you and your outlook on life, I know I grew up in a hurry and now I am a foster parent and mentor other moms in less than perfect circumstances and I was a troublemaker before that, so things can change when a mom makes that connection between her actions and the effect it has on her kids.

I will have to look and see if the have that workers on wheels here in tx. That would be really great. But, she makes too much to get TANF under the income limits for tx. I did mention about going back to school. Do you if there is a waiting list for the early head start program?

Early Head Start usually does have a waiting list, but it can change day by day, so it is def. something to look into. Her bigger chanllenge is probably going to be childcare after the baby comes so that she can work, if she is unable to find childcare she may have to quit her job and that would decrease her income, qualifying her for TANF, however that is a slippery slope to get into and can lead to evictions/shut offs since TANF is usually a lot less than what you can make at a job.

Here in tx, the max you can get a month in TANF for a family of two is just like $235 per month. She lives in her own apartment and that won't cover her $600 per month rent. I looked at that workers on wheels and they don't have anything like that here. For some reason, Tx is the worst state when it comes to benefits. She works odd hours like weekends and nights, so she might have to have a babysitter come to her. The problem with that is the cheapest is $800 a month If she does that plus pays rent, she'll have about $150 left over to pay the electric, water, food,diapers,money for washing machine. She can get food stamps and wic so hopefully it will cover all her formula. The early head start thing is done with something we have here called ccms. That has a 8 to 10 month wait list. I also checked out section 8 housing in her county. That has a 4 year wait list.

She may have to move into a shelter if she can not afford her rent. That would put her to the top of the Section 8 waiting list and most of the shelters that take young women with infants have social workers on staff to help people fill out paperwrok for various resources such as section 8, head start, wic, food stamps, etc. They also are a watchful eye to make sure the baby is okay and are often mandated reporters of abuse/neglect. If none of that is possible she will be forced to move to an area where more resources are available (like I said the hospital is unlikely to discharge her w/o resources to care for the baby, particularly if she shows up having gotten no prenatal care). I can think of at least two urban areas in texas that have numerous social service networks set up to help young women in situations such as her's. I doubt that she will live on the streets if she can avoid it and if she tried, once anyone got wind of her trying to raise a baby homeless they will call protective services and resources will be provided to either keep the child with the parent (likely to occur this day in economic age when states have little $ to pay for foster care) OR the child will be removed and placed in foster care and she will be given LOTS of resources/opprutunity to better her circumstances so that she can have the child returned. Parents with children in foster care are often at the top of the list for every resource (they are for Head Start and Section 8) and will be given some resources that are not available to people whose children are not in foster care.

Maybe she could look into a shared housing situation with another single mom? [url=http://www.coabode.com]Welcome to CoAbode Single Mothers House Sharing[/url] lists other moms that are looking to share housing and expenses. Finding another mom you can work with is the trick, but it's an option worth considering.

Where are your niece's parents in all of this? Can they help her out temporarily? Can she move back home for a while, or is that an impossibility? In any case, she needs to be seen by an obstetrician, preferably before she goes into labor. I do know that it can be quite a hassle to deal with county social workers who oversee the Medicaid program. They're notorious for not returning phone calls, if you can even navigate their voice-mail system. Her best bet is to go to the county office in person. Yeah, I know it's a hassle, especially if she lives in a rural area...but she needs to do it ASAP. Surely there is someone who could give her a lift, isn't there?

Her mom is deceased and she's not on speaking terms with her dad. It's good to know that she won't be totally alone if she decides to keep the baby. Medicaid just seems to be giving her the runaround. Hopefully she'll find a ride up there soon.

My niece gave birth to a girl by csection on dec. 3. She found a really nice couple through some friends of hers who adopted the baby. She chose an open adoption. I'm glad she did what was best for her. I offered to help in any way possible if she decided that she was capable of parenting on her own. She did tell me that if she was having a hard time supporting herself, taking care of a baby would be too hard.