Depression & borderline personality disorder in adopted children

I think there probably is more BPD in adoptees, as they have ALL lived through not having the same loving mom conceive them and raise them to adulthood- no matter the reason. They experienced a huge wound. As an adoptive parent, I hear so many people tell me all my kids need is love and they'll be fine. That's not been the case. But as I have sought help and done tons of reading and listening, I have learned how to help them heal. Parenting the adopted child is NOT the same as parenting the bio child, even when adopted as a baby there can be attachment issues. Bio kids may also have attachment issues due to extended hospitalizations or other reasons even with loving moms there. I just don't think it would be as common. In years past, there wasn't the information out there and help available to adoptive parents as there is now. So it HAD to be much harder to help the adopted child heal, and it isn't easy now.

You're right. Personal discussions should stay in PMs. I apologize Being raised by someone with borderline personality means being told never to trust your own instincts. The desire to get "whatever" means they are motivated to prove their child wrong - with little accountability for the fall out. It means regularly being told you're wrong - even when you know in your soul you're right. It means obstacles in forming identity. You may be the parents partner in parenting one day, then the next a "nothing" with some stranger for "dad". But don't worry, he'll be gone shortly and you'll be magically back to the old role, like nothing ever happened If there are multiple siblings (like in my family), it means being pitted against each other constantly. My family fractured and scattered as a result From a BP perspective, i would assume your desire for reunion is powerful. Even in normal BP situations, BKs may pull back or have needs different than what the BP may be planning to commit. When here's borderline in the mix, your love can be used against you. I would proceed with caution. Good luck to you

sherann, first let me say that I am so sorry for your birthdaughter's situation and the sadness and heartbreak it must bring to you and your family. Forging a relationship with a bpd adult will certainly bring challenges and perhaps some painful experiences. Knowing that going in I hope will be a tremendous help. Also that your birthdaughter is so open about it shows that something is going well with her treatment and management at least for now. In my little bit of experience with bpd adults, that kind of frankness about the illness itself seemed to be rare. That she has it and is not using it to manipulate you (I hope), I think that's a very positive sign. Still, you have my heart beating in sympathy with you as this news sinks in. It can't be easy. For all the reasons the other posters stated, I doubt anyone knows whether or not BPD is particularly common among people who have been adopted. I am sure people have probably tried to study it, and maybe your MH professional daughter can search her professional databases for scholarly articles. If anything definitive or replicative had been found, though, I would think it would have ended up in some thread somewhere on these forums, particularly the adoptee forums. As for a clear general link between DIA and mental illness, somehow, I doubt it. In a relatively small part of the DIA population, there may be more opportunity for triggers--the RAD child, for example, may be subject to more familial hostility and abuse--but I think those are probably the exceptions and wouldn't count for much against the many other potential triggers in every child and adult's life, adopted or not. "Primal wound," it seems, might be a trigger for depression if the predisposition is there, but I don't see how it could be a trigger for bpd. But then, I am not a MH professional. And, of course, as others have pointed out, to some extent it would be hard for researchers to create truly representative populations to study and those they do find may be self-selecting populations; if there is some association of one thing with the other, it may be less causal and more an aspect tied to that. Please understand that we are talking about a very wide range of parents with terminated rights. Especially in more recent years, many, many children who would otherwise be counted as adopted out of foster care are now being counted as entrusted/placed DIA or older child adoption thanks to "mediation" between parents and potential adopting parents. So please understand that there is no attempt here to generalize about all birthparents. I hope things go as smoothly as possible in your RU. You sound like a thoughtful and conscientous person. If your birthdaughter wants to talk about the effect of her adoption on her life, I would try to be open to that without either defensiveness or taking on any blame or guilt yourself. Regardless of the reasons for her difficulties now, you did the best you could knowing what you did for her then, yes? People who are struggling need the freedom to explore and evolve their understanding of why they find themselves in their particular situation. You can be an active and empathetic listener, affirming her feelings and journey without trading her truth in the moment for yours. - Peace, H :hippie:

While a genetic predisposition to depression may exist in some people, the condition emerges in many folks who have no known family history of the disease. While it is considered a disorder of brain chemistry, it can be triggered by all sorts of events, even in a person with no family history. As an example, a teen who is very competitive and eager to get into a good college may be excessively stressed by a tough load of AP courses, and may start to display typical depression symptoms, such as crying jags, a feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness, thoughts of suicide, outbursts of anger, and so on. Stress can trigger many illnesses, from psoriasis to asthma to depression, and illnesses, in turn, can trigger depression. While both adopted and non-adopted persons can experience depression, the adopted person may have some triggers that non-adopted people don't -- for example, reminders of loss of a birthparent, abuse or neglect, being bounced around the foster care system, coming to a new country, etc.The good news is that many people with depression can be helped with medication for the brain chemistry issues and talk therapy for the behavioral issues triggering the depression. As an example, once the medication kicks in, the person may be able to talk to a therapist about why she feels so driven to be "perfect" and is afraid to make mistakes or fail at anything, or about how to avoid negative thinking, like, "If I don't pass this test, I'll totally mess up my chances of going to a good college, which will mean that I can never get into medical school and become a great cardiologist." For some people, depression that is successfully treated with medication and talk therapy will never recur; however, some people may have multiple bouts of depression in their lives. One mistake that is often made is refusing medication. Talk therapy alone won't work for a lot of people, because the brain first has to be "reset" with medication to make the person more receptive to it. Unfortunately, there's not one medicine or combination of medicines that works for everyone. Some people respond best to SSRIs, some people to NRIs, and so on. Some drugs may have minimal side effects for one person, but may cause stomachaches, panic attacks, or whatever in someone else. And some people may find that the older drugs, such as tricyclics, work best for them, even though they may have more side effects, like weight gain. While it's tough to ask a depressed person to be patient, finding the right medication and dosage may take a while. In fact, any person, but especially a child or teen, should be watched carefully during a trial of an antidepressant, because a small number of people may get more depressed when they think that a drug isn't working, and try to kill themselves.Once the brain chemistry issue is being dealt with well, then the person can undertake talk therapy. Nowadays, many therapists use "here and now" techniques, such as cognitive/behavioral therapy, which doesn't get at the "why", but helps a person recognize and avoid negative thinking. It is considered very effective for some people, but simply doesn't work for others, especially very bright people who often "game the system" and tell the therapist what they think he/she wants to hear. For some people, working with a classically trained psychiatrist is more effective, though it takes longer, requires more visits, and costs more. Unfortunately, too many health insurors won't allow use of a psychiatrist for anything but medication prescribing and monitoring, but you may be able to find a psychiatrist who will take a case for a reduced fee or "pro bono" (no charge).Borderline personality disorder is more difficult to diagnose and treat than depression, and it can have a whole range of coexisting conditions like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and so on. It is really important that a highly qualified professional makes the diagnosis. It is important to understand that, while genetics can play a role in the development of BPD, many people with it do not have any family history suggesting a genetic link. Likewise, while it is particularly common in people who've experienced trauma such as abuse or neglect, plenty of people with BPD have not had any such trauma, and plenty of people who've experienced trauma do not develop BPD. Some of the most common manifestations of BPD are impulsive behavior, rages, intense depression or anxiety, unstable relationships, and so on, but these are not unique to BPD, so it's important to know whether they are caused by BPD or something else.There is a lot still to be learned about BPD, and as a result, treatment isn't always easy. However, as with depression, medication and talk therapy of various sorts can be helpful.The one thing that you should understand about your birthdaughter's psychiatric conditions is that you should not blame yourself or the birthfather for them. Yes, if you were an absolutely horrible parent, and lost parental rights due to abuse and neglect, you might have triggered some of your birthdaughter's problems. However, plenty of people who were raised by fine parents wind up with these problems, and some people who were severely abused or neglected do not experience long term depression or BPD.The best thing you can do is to make sure that your birthdaughter gets the high quality mental health help she needs. And something else you can do is to give her your love and support, and remind her, when she is feeling hopeless, that she should continue treatment, including medication and talk therapy, as needed. If your birthdaughter gives any indication that she might be considering harming herself, get her some help immediately, and don't leave her alone. Also, some people with depression and BPD try to self-medicate with alcohol, prescription drugs, and illicit drugs, but these substances only make the conditions worse, so try to get your birthdaughter to avoid or stop using them. If need be, try to get her into a treatment program that addresses these issues, as well as the underlying depression and BPD.Sharon