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After searching for years and years for my bparents. I finally found my bmom however, I found her by contacting a sister of hers. The sister is only 6 years older than me and had no clue about her sisters past. Her 2nd older brother had no clue either. I've met both of them. The sister attempted to speak with my bmom about me but, she told her she didn't want to hear anything more about it. However, since then, the sister has travelled halfway around the world to meet me and go travelling.
My bmom and her were never close but, apparently my bmom makes more attempts now to hang out with her but, she never ever mentions me.
There is a lot of secrecy. Initially I tried to contact bmom through an older brother who I was told knew all about his sisters pregnancy and my subsequent adoption. He totally blanked me when I wrote. When I finally contacted the younger sibling... she spoke to this older brother and he told her a lot of things that do not all add up. b-grandmom is delighted I got in contact but refuses to tell b-grandad or speak to bmom about it. None of them are giving up my bfathers name! aaargh. I would have thought this was the least she could pass on to me but, her family say they would be frightened he may then try to contact my bmom! pretty crappy if you ask me.
Don't think bmoms new husband knows anything about me. I know that I have a half brother who is in his 20's and a half sister who is 14. I can understand that bmom may not want my half sister to find out about me just now at her age but, I imagine the longer she leaves it with my half brother the more angry he maybe about it in future. I'd really love to get to know him but, I feel I just cannot until bmom decides to tell him... ?...!
I really don't like pushing my b-auntie for info. She's a really lovely girl and we have a good relationship. I already feel guilty for opening up this secret chapter in her life.
What now? any advice is greatly appreciated!
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It's an interesting question. As a bmom, my entire family knew of D's existence (including my now husband, who is not D's bdad.) I told the son I raised when he was about 15; he promptly told his 13 year old sister. Neither of them had any problem with it and both were present at my first f2f with D. Has anyone actually talked to your bmom about you or are the all afraid to "rock the boat?" (Oops, just reread. Maybe if your aunt casually mentions when she talks to you or sees you, your bmom might eventually be able to talk about it. I suspect that if her younger siblings didn't know, it was a forbiden subect in their parents home. It's really hard to break that wall of secrecy. I doubt her siblings know your bdad's name and their mom might not either. My parents probably couldn't have told you D's bdad's name, even though I did name him. They never met him.
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hi, yea, after she came to meet me she wasn't shy in telling her whole family about our meeting and travels however, she only referred to me as her friend in europe but, my bmom certainly knows it was me she came to meet. I suppose it may be slightly encouraging that my bmom makes an effort to hang out with her sister more now that she knows she knows about me.
apparently, older brother knows exactly who my father is as it was him and my bmom who partied in the same circles... (how she met my bdad). he's no saying tho.
as far as rocking the boat... I would consider contacting my half brother rocking the boat at the moment however, when my half sister is a bit older and bmom still hasn't told him I might contact him then. does that seem reasonable? I can't decide. I feel that he should at least have a chance to get to know me if he wants too.... at least get the chance to know that he does have a half sister out there. maybe I'm wrong tho.