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I am new here, and thought I would join because its adoption week. I have noticed that alot of threads and on the news storys its all about the positives of adoption, and there doesnt seem to be much support for any negative experiences. I have also noticed the amount of people who have been adopted have the love/guilt with wanting, or daring to think of finding birth familys without hurting their "real" family. I am 37 and found my brother and sisters about 2 years ago..it didnt go very well, and alot of emotions hit like a brick wall, so I hope that people who want to find their birth familys are in a place where they are emotionally strong..good luck
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Hi miss37,Welcome to the forums! My reunion was 5 years ago and it didn't go well either. I agree with you that I do hope that people who do search are in a place where they're emotionally strong. I felt like I was hit by a mac truck! The good news is that I do feel I've come through OK and am more at peace now (see my other thread above this one) despite all the pain, anguish and disappointment.
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Welcome!
I am one of those people like yourself who has had more than enough pain, anguish and rejection from Bsibs upon finding/discovering them.
They say that this search and reunion stuff is like a rollor coaster ride. Mine has been more like a collision before even getting to the ride part.
Sometimes I wonder if I was better off in my blissful ignorance of not knowing.
I am sorry that you too are counted among those who have been met with such resistance.
This is quite a diverse bunch in that all 3 parts of the triad post here and while you will hear the happily ever after stories, you will also hear such not so happy ones.
EZ
Hi thanks for the response's I think Ez you said u wonder if you were better off not knowing..I have wondered that too but then any of this process is a learning curve and maybe to make us stronger..and I also think the amount of years of wondering and all the thoughts and emotions that go with that, upon finding natural familys or finding out info, does ease those years of anguish..even if its replaced with a different set of emotions. (just read what ripples put..I feel I jst repeated it :P)I'm still getting used to this site so sorry if I am posting in wrong place or doing it wrong lol.
I'm on the opposite end of this. 31 years ago I was the bio mom that gave up my son when I was 16.
We had a closed adoption but a few years ago I put my information out on a search web site and a really great woman connected us.
My perception was the lifetime movie kind. We would see each other and hug and cry. That is so far from what happened. 5 years have gone by and we have had one phone call and less than 10 emails.
He is really shy and I think looked for me on an impulse. I have never pushed for a visit. We are on FB together so I send updates now and then about his siblings and myself. My feelings are that if he is that connected to his family that he has guilt over me then YAY he grew up feeling loved and supported and that's the best I could wish for him. I'm fine with things being on his terms I just take so peace that he was treated well and loves his family...that was the ultimate goal when placing him there years ago.
You are so correct it's an emotional land mind good luck with navigating through it all.