Is there anything I can do?

I think you came to the right place for support and advice. If you terminated your parental rights, then no, legally, you have no 'right' to the child, and his family [or his biological mother] is not obligated to you. I have a special place in my heart for men who relinquished their children for adoption, because my own adoption records [I am an adoptee] state that my biological father did not even know that he had fathered a child, let alone a child that was placed for adoption. In many cases, you are correct - the rights of the biological father are not always considered. What I would suggest is contacting the biological mother through an intermediary - you'd probably have to get an attorney. They can help you draft a letter that asks if she would be willing to share pictures and updates you with, x amount of times per year. I'd start with that - if she responds, and agrees, get it in writing. Then, see if she follows through. IF that works out, and you begin to receive the updates and pictures, perhaps you can work with an attorney to figure out how you can respectfully ask to be involved even more - perhaps communication with his family, etc. The most important thing is to get it all in writing - consult with an attorney - do your research to see if you do have any rights, or how open adoptions typically work in the state where you live and the child was born/adopted. I would also start writing letters to your biological son. Put together a scrapbook, even, of photos, letters, notes, etc. Maybe, at the very least, his family will agree to hold on to it until he is a certain age, and then they can share it with him.

With all respect to Nicole, I would strongly urge you to NOT try to get information through the birthmother. In the first place, she has no business giving you anything; that is the parents' call. Trying an end run around them will only make things much, much worse, believe me as a parent who has adopted. In the second place, if she decides to be obstructive, you will be stopped in your tracks before you have a chance to deal with the parents directly. They are the decision makers for the child, not her. I would also avoid a lawyer at this point; you have no legal standing and approaching the parents through a lawyer will only make them wonder what you are up to and may come across as threatening or intimidating to no good result. If I were you, I would write them a simple letter. The objective is to build trust and introduce the idea of more openness for the child's benefit, not just because you want it. Pitching your needs and wants will invite a cynical dismissal. Affirm that you understand, respect, and accept their parenthood of your birthson (refer to him as your birthson or by the name they gave him). For obvious reasons, do not state that you regret the relinquishment, but don't lie and say that you are happy about having done it, either. If you've heard good things about them and can say something positive about his placement with him, say so. Give them a brief idea of what you're about--job, education, lifestyle. Talk about what you've learned about the needs of children who have been adopted and the benefits of naturalizing their contact/relationship with birthparents. Much of what you've written here is applicable, even the fact that you are a little nervous but are moving forward anyway because you think it would be good for the child as he grows up to at least know his birthfather is paying attention and cares. Do not discuss the birthmother in your letter. Do not refer to her telling lies about you or mention what she gets by way of openness--it will sound as if you are just trying to even scores with her or assert some kind of entitlement. The last thing you want is for them to think you feel you are entitled to the child or have some claim on him. No parent, adoptive or othewise, reacts well to that--protective instincts kick in. ETA: You also don't want them to feel as if opening the door to you is opening the door to some kind of conflict between you and the birthmother. They won't want to get enmeshed in anything that brings others' arguments into their home. Good luck. I hope something comes out of this. Remember that small steps build trust.

I was so touched by what you wrote here; if I were the aparents and read something similar it would certainly make me interested in at least discussing things with you and trying to work out what would be best. I don't know what the circumstances of the adoption were, but if there was an agency involved they might be a helpful mediator in making contact. There are also counselors out there who specialize in adoption issues; I mostly hear people talk about this in relation to birthmoms, but they work with all members of the triad and might be a helpful resource for you.