New here.....

I think Bromanchick on here is a very good resource for counseling and other helpful info. You might PM her for some info.

The agency my husband and I are working with has an office in California and meets the criteria you listed. I don't believe I am allowed to post the name here, though. I can send you a PM if it is allowed.Good luck to you in deciding what it best for you and your baby.

I don't know if this is allowed. Check with an administrator.

I have heard that there are many adoption agencies that allow the adopting parents help the birth mother. Or the agency helping the birth mother. I'd call around. Good luck!:love:

It shows that you are a caring person that you are thinking about all these issues and factors very early on in your pregnancy when there is still time to consider all your options responsibly. If this is a first-time pregnancy, there are so many new things to learn, understand, and feel that you can't really anticipate or appreciate fully until they come to pass. It can be very overwhelming and even more so if you are trying to make decisions now for a time you can only half imagine. I would strongly urge you to not only seek guidance from birthparents who've BTDT but also to read on the forums for people who've been adopted and those who have adopted to get a more full picture of what the future might be like for the child if born and you if you terminate your rights and responsibilities. I am not a birthmother, I am a mom who has three children, two by birth and one by adoption. As an older woman, I've known a few people personally and many on these forums who've aborted, who've placed children for adoption, who've adopted, and who've been adopted. I've also been involved with state social services as a volunteer in one way or another for nearly 20 years. You should also be aware that Planned Parenthood offers a very wide range of reproductive health services including counseling on all options. Adoption agencies are just that--adoption agencies. They are in the business of facilitating adoptions, that is their primary purpose. They may offer counseling, but always consider the source. Ditto religious organizations or others offering counseling--always consider the source and the primary agenda. Remember that you are not choosing adoption. You can't. Only the people adopting a child are choosing adoption. A birthparent chooses consent to adoption and termination of their rights and responsibilities to the child. Anything that happens after that is actually completely out of their hands, regardless of their "adoption plans" or "agreements." Termination is absolute and permanent and occurs legally before and separately from adoption. Open adoption agreements do not affect it at all--"binding" or not, they are side agreements between adults and do not allow you to retain or give you any rights whatsoever to the child you relinquish. Once termination is final, the child's fate is out of your hands. An adoption plan is just a plan, and plans change. An agreement is just an agreement on intentions, really, and even if "binding" is open to change or nullification by a court just like any other agreement. It is not a contract for a child, it is not a covenant like birth or marriage. Termination of your parenthood later is not about you or your needs at all. It is not about what is best for you. It is about making a decision for your child that your son or daughter will be safer in the world without you no matter what happens. If you bring this child into the world, of course you have to inform the father and he has to be a part of any decisions. Whether or not you are the one carrying the child for nine months is irrelevant to the child's rights to her or his father. The father must give consent and he must voluntarily terminate his rights. If you carry this child to term, the CHILD has a legal RIGHT to his father's support, protection, and nurturance and the father has a legal responsibility to provide those things, as do you. It is not your right to throw away your child's rights, even if you find some legal sliphole through which to do it. Besides, come 18 years from now, how are you going to tell this birthchild that you lied and stole her or him from her father and never gave him the chance to step up or love his child? Aside from the wrog done to the child, do you really want to land yourself in that spot? You can't just sweep your child's parent out of her or his life. If you don't trust the man to be a father, don't make him one. You have that option now, not later. Before the time for abortion is over, this is your body, your decision, absolutely. After the baby is born, the baby is a living, breathing human being with his or her own life and rights that you don't have the right to compromise. If you give birth, you will be a parent at least until the time if and when a court allows you to terminate your rights and responsibilities. You may well change your mind about terminating your rights and responsibilities for this child. The only way to choose to not be a parent now that you've conceived is abortion. If you give birth, you are a parent legally, morally, and hopefully emotionally and you are fully and wholly responsible for the decisions you make for that child, including the termination of your responsiblity for her or him. It is a huge responsibility. It is also one over which you won't have complete control. A court could and might deny your petition to terminate and bind you and the father to parent your child and have each other in your lives, perhaps sharing custody, for the duration of the child's childhood. That is a chance you take when you decide to carry a child to term and become a mother. As for your practical concerns, if your health insurance covers pregnancy, you wouldn't need any extra help with anything else. Rent, groceries, etc., aren't any more expensive whether you're pregnant or not. IMO, taking help from prospective adoptive parents compromises your ability to make responsible decisions for yourself and your child and is unnecessary and therefore somewhat exploitative anyway. Personally, I would not want to have to later explain to my birthchild why I used her for a meal ticket. If you are unemployed, CA may offer you the opportunity to apply for Medicaid if pregnant and WIC or something like that for food assistance. Contact your local social services office and find out. I am almost certain there programs to provide prenatal care to the uninsured. If you are homeless, there are state programs for that, too. If you are not homeless and are handling your healthcare and expenses just fine now, there is no reason to think you wouldn't continue to be able to do so through the pregnancy. If issues arise, then your fallback is the same as for anything else: health insurance, disability pay, state aid, family and friends. This post is blunt and may well get criticized for being harsh or unsupportive. I have seen too many posts such as yours answered in terms that I think gloss over the realities...and then so many more from birthmothers who heard the same things years ago and adult children of adoption and the problems not dealing with those realities forthrightly have created. The point is that the only decision you can make now that does not obligate you to consider the needs and rights of a potential child and father, not to mention extended family and the child's moral rights to them, the only decision that concerns you and only you at this point is termination of your pregnancy now. Any other decision should, IMO, put the child's needs and rights--including the child's need for and right to protection, support, and nurturance from you, her father and, emotionally, extended family--ahead of yours. You have a lot to think about in a short amount of time. I hope you have many caring people around you to support you and give you their thoughts and experiences. I hope you are able to find unbiased counseling resources and not fall into a situation where you are steered toward an assumed conclusion. Not all sources will be unbiased and that is OK; it is your duty to yourself and the potential baby to recognize and take that bias, even influence or pressure, for what it is. At the end of the day, you alone are responsible for your decisions and their outcomes. No matter what you decide or do, I hope all turns out as well as it can. Life is always full of surprises, and I've found most of mine have turned out better than any plans I dreamed of.

If you are low-income or unemployed, you qualify for California's Medi-Cal program. You'll need to contact your county's Department of Social Services. If you go to the official California.gov website, you'll find a listing of all county DSS addresses and phone numbers. The link is [url=http://www.dhcs.ca.gov/services/medi-cal/Pages/CountyOffices.aspx]County Offices[/url]. If you visit the website, you'll find a lot of links to eligibility rules, procedures, etc.If you are working and become unable to work because of pregnancy-related complications, you'll be eligible for the California State Disability Insurance program. SDI is our state-mandated program for short-term disability benefits. You've probably noticed your paycheck shows automatic deductions for SDI. You can find out more information by going to the California Employment Development Department's official website. The link is [url=http://www.edd.ca.gov/disability/DI_How_to_File_a_Claim.htm]Disability Insurance - How to File a Claim[/url].

Yes, you can send a PM. In fact, that is the proper way to let someone know the name, reputation, your feelings about, etc. regarding specific agencies.

Just a reminder. This site does not allow solicitation. If anyone pms you offering themselves as adoptive parents, please report it to a mod or administrator.

I disagree with the comment about using the baby as a meal ticket. I compliment your desire to feed this baby more nutritious food than you can afford on a lower income. We all know healthy food is more expensive than eating crap. If your motive is to eat better for this baby's health good for you hun. Your baby also has a right to live in a clean and healthy home. As an adoptive parent I was so relieved to know our sons birth mom did all she could to protect her pregnancy. Take all the support you can as it will help you give this child his or her best chance in life. It shows your love. I believe you will do what is best for this little one. Wishing you all the best with your adoption plan or parenting which ever you choose. Be proud of yourself for reaching out. Let us know how you are doing.

I also don't see where she is taking advantage of adoptive parents. She asked for government programs that offer help with food and rent. She did not ask for money from any one individual. In my country adoptive parents are not legally allowed to even buy an emom so much as a cup of coffee. Every country is different I guess.