Telling my Children about their sister

A social worker, about my mom's age, once suggested to me that I tell my boys about their half brother before they hit their teens and their hormones kicked in. (I volunteered with her adoption agency at the time and trusted her wisdom, so I followed her advice.) It worked out well in our family's case. My husband already knew the story of how I had conceived, gave birth, and placed a child for adoption when I was fifteen, years before he met me. And so when it was time to tell our son I chose a non-hectic day (when he was about ten or eleven) to take him out to lunch and have a rather laid-back, matter of fact chat. (Our sons are over three years apart so the oldest got to hear the story first and his younger brother, in a similar way, a couple years later.) I didn't make a big production of it, didn't go into a lot of detail, just told the truth. I think for us, as a family, it was helpful that our Christian faith is based on honesty and forgiveness, plus, as homeschoolers the boys spent more time with us than many children do with their parents. They both seemed to take it in stride and we were able to move on. Not having experienced the reunion part yet, I don't have any suggestions there. You know your kids better than anyone else and, hopefully, can sensitively and tactfully plan the occasion. I hope it works out well for all involved!

I am still trying to find a good way to tell my 5 yr old about the daughter I gave up for adoption!! My newly found daughter is 23 and it totally excited that she has a younger sister. But I don't know how excited my 5 yr old is going to be with having to 'share' her mommy with anyone.

I told my son when he was about 15... he promptly told his sister who was 13. With my son (silly me) I was trying to explain to him one reason why I was against premarital sex. His response? That was you, I'm me. (sigh) My bson and I didn't connect until 15 years after I told my kids and it was something of a nonissue. My daughter has had more questions I think about "how I could do that" since she had her own son.

I think that it would be better younger. My mother never told me about my brother. I just happened upon some papers when I was 22. When I asked her she told me a quick explanation and that was that. So as a biological child with an adopted sibling, I would of wanted to know much sooner.