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It was written in our agreement that our daughters would call their biological parents "Mama **" and "Papa ***" HOWEVER our now 2 year old completely rejected that plan and only calls her bio mom by her first name. Bio mom doesnt seem to mind - I think was just ecstatic that daughter knew who she was. I am not sure if she will start referring to herself as "mama" once the girls are older and understand the relationship more.
Daughters joined our family at 12 months and 2 months and are now 20 and 30 months old.
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Our daughter used to call us by our first name and then her birth parents by mama and her first name and daddy and his first name. However, the past few months we have been mom and dad and she calls her birth parents by their first names. It's in our agreement that they call us whatever SHE is comfy calling us-we refuse to force her to not call us mom and dad or to force her to call them mom and dad.
The kids were 2, 3, and just turned 5 when they came into care. They were 6, 7, and 8 when adopted. In that time there was no contact with bio parent. They were 6.5, 8, and 9 when we had our first visit with bio mom. They referred to her by her first name to her face. At home, sometimes times they refer to her by first name or mommy first name. Same thing w/ bio dad, although kids haven't seen him in over 5.5 years. Our younger 2 girls haven't seen bio mom in 1.5 years, although we are open to visits, should bio mom resurface. They refer to her by first name only. They've had no contact with bio father, and barely remember his name unless we remind them.
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My kids were older when they came home, 5-14 yrs old. They were placed at different times over a 14 month period. I never insisted on "mom", but told them they could call me mom, mama, first name, or mama-first name. The first one here started calling me mom after he heard the others doing it. So they all call me and DH mom and dad for a long time now, and we refer to first mom as mama-first name. Among themselves, they'll say "mom" for me, and "mommy" OR mama-first name for her. My little bio son also refers to her as mama-first name. Works for us, and it seems like first mom-whom we see fairly often, is ok with it.
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Our dd that was a private adoption calls them by their first name. That's what they wanted.
It is a little more tricky with FC adoption. My kids used to say mama firstname, but now they just use her name without the mama. They only see the grands and big brother though. I think mama firstname is usually pretty appropriate when a child has already known this person as mommy.
Our son, placed with us at 11 months and adopted at 2, has always called us mama and papa - or mom and dad. We have visits with bmom twice per year. Usually he refers to her using her first name- and at visits he always calls her by her first name. But sometimes he refers to her as his first mom or his other mom. Like tonight he asked me when we were going to have another visit with his other mom. Interesting that we are due for another visit in a few weeks.
Good luck.