Support?

Hey, Feel free to PM me anytime. It's a long road, I'm 7 months out and sometimes I feel how I felt the day after placement, but it does get easier. You're not the only one out there, so don't ever feel alone - I think women want to talk to people like them, not social workers, so agencies assumes when the bmoms don't come back that no one needs support. We all need support, and I have found some amazing support in other bmoms. It helps so much.

Rachie, it's only been two months since you gave birth and had to deal with a tremendous loss. Please give yourself a break! This will take time to work through. On top of everything else, your hormones take a long time to go back to normal after a pregnancy/birth. You are grieving the loss of your child and the parenting role, by no means easy stuff. Even if you felt this was the best thing for your son (as I did for mine), it still hurts. Even if you have an OA (I had a semi-OA), you will still want to be with your child. This is totally normal. Allow yourself to grieve and just take things one step at a time. Try to do something, even just a little thing, each day, that makes you feel good. I always found writing and drawing helped me get my feelings out. Whatever you can do to express your feelings will benefit you, and creative things can be very healing. My son is a grown man and there are times every now and then when it is still hard, but for me, the first year was by far the most difficult and then things eased up for me. I do think it is important to get counseling and also talk to other birth mothers. Can you keep on your agency to get them to put you in touch with other new birth moms? You might also check around in your area with other agencies and see if they offer birth mother or triad support groups. And of course, keep posting here! There are others here who understand exactly what you are going though.

I don't like the agency I went through at all!! Very unsupportive, very demeaning. all I am trying to do is think about my son and how I think this is the right thing for him. I imagine him being with me every single day, what we would be doing. He is such a cutie, spitting image of me. the adoptive parents couldn't be better, I absolutly love them. My family thinks I should be over this by now, but I can't get over it. I have turned into an incredibly angry person because of this situation, like I'm mad at God-but I'm not. I'm mad at myself, and I just don't think i will ever forgive myself for this. I can't blame him if he doesn't. It also doesn't help that my niece will be born any day now. That hurts, alot. thanks for your support xoxorach

It is entirely unrealistic for your family to expect you to be "over this" in two month's time. It is not something you "get over" but something you must learn to adjust to and live with, and it is by no means easy. And I'm sure you are being triggered moreso now by the upcoming birth of your niece so soon after you gave birth to your child and experienced such a loss. I'm sorry about your agency experience. There is no excuse for that at all, but unfortunately there are still agencies that operate very badly. Are you getting any counseling from outside the agency?? I really think it's important to have someone you can talk to professionally as you go through this very difficult time. :grouphug:

Sounds like we have alot in common. I gave birth to my daughter on Oct 19, 2010 and also found the perfect family for her. I have a very open adoption, I think that is part of the reason I am coping as well as I am. I also write all the time to her and tell her everything I feel at that given time and it help SOOO much. It does get easier. I know with out a doubt that this choice was the absolute best choice I could have ever made. I wish you all the best with this, I am always here if you need to talk. I still miss her all the time but I know 100% that she is healthy and happy.

I know I made the right decision too, it doesn't make it any easier. At least for me, it doesn't.

feel free to PM me as well. I have a very open adoption as it is with family, but I'm sure our thoughts and feelings are very similar, Its been roughly 7 months since the placement and at 2 months I was going through that as well- still have days that I do they just aren't as frequent.