"red shirting" a kindergartener

there was a long thread about a year ago. you may want to try to find it. beware! this is a polarizing topic!

i am not sure how this works in a private school....but let me tell you what i'd say if you were in a public school...and maybe some part of it will be helpful: i'm not sure how withdrawing him and waiting a year would solve his behavior problems at school. do they have an idea of HOW it will be beneficial? i'm not a fan of redshirting in most cases....i think it just delays the inevitable. i prefer to see a student receive support at school for issues to help them be successful. i'd ask them what they have in place to deal with his current issues, what have they tried, what works, what hasn't......if he needs more, i'd ask for an evaluation to see if he qualifies for a 504 (google it....but basically a "plan" to help children with other health impairments be successful in school.) when i read this: it makes me wonder if he has PTSD or a similar dx. if so...he may be a perfect candidate for a 504. PTSD won't just go away because he is a 6 year old kindergartener.... just my random thoughts. lol. :) pm me if you want to chat more. :)

If by flashing you actually mean flashing, threatening children with a gun (whether there is actually one at home or not, but clearly more serious if there is), and chronically disruptive, I think you may have much more of a problem than you realize. I'm no expert, but it doesn't sound like a developmental delay to me at all. Threatening others with a weapon is beyond a therapy appointment, you need to get him to a child psychiatrist asap IMO. Our school policy would suspend anyone making a weapons threat. Unfortunately, our administrators tend to take discretion into their own hands on that one, particularly with the younger children. Just because they haven't taken it as seriously as they should doesn't mean that you shouldn't. Whether or not it comes to the point where you are asked to withdraw him or he is expelled--easier to do in a self-selecting private school, I would guess--I would enlist the school as a partner NOW in helping to gather information for a good diagnosis rather than getting upset or fighting with them. Meet with his teachers asap and get as much documented as possible about his in-class behaviors. My experience with teachers is that the parent is told only about 10%, if that, of what goes on. Find out the other 90%. Document at home. Get all those notes set out clearly so that you can take them to the psych. Look for patterns and triggers yourself--not to view as excuses or even legitimate reasons, but to help figure out what is going on. If you need a referral for a psych (not usually needed with Medicaid), tell your pedi what's going on and get one immediately. Either way, given the gun threat, you should get in quickly for an emergency appointment. Be sure to give your pedi a release and have records sent over in advance of the appointment if possible. Focus on getting a dx and treatment. Whether or not to hold him back or take him out for a time will become a decision made for you by his treatment and mental and emotional progress. He may need a year out of the classroom environment all together. btw, red shirting is a practice designed to hold a developmentally on-target child back to give him an advantage physically and/or academically over his peers. This is not red shirting. This would be keeping him and the children in his class safe and getting him the help he needs to stay safe.

Here flashing means showing someone your privates. Not threatening someone with a gun.

Hi, as the other writer clarified when I said he flashed a little girl I meant he pulled down his pants and showed her his bottom. There was alot of violence in the home before he was removed. For that reason we don't have television access and they do not have computer access. I am a single mother and there are only 2 approved houses they go to. I was so disbelieving when the principal said my son said he would bring a gun and shoot someone. They don't even have play or toy guns. It is not anything I would have exposed them to precisely because of his history. On the other subject thanks for clarifying the "red shirting" issue. It just seemed that because he was so academically on target that it seemed elective to hold him back.

As an update: I spoke with the principal again at length. My son is the sweetest, kindest and one of the most loving little boys you will ever meet. When he tantrum he cries and screams - he never hits, punches, curses or anything. He is as non violent as they get. He does love being the center of attention - especially female. He is also the class clown but the class helper as well. He does not stay focused and most of the complaints are that he doesn't stay in his seat, he makes noises, he runs around the class, he talks out of turn, etc.Regardless, due to his history and the holiday season approaching which does seem to be harder on him (our adoption day was 12/16/2009), I did call the therapist to see if we can get in sooner than the original appt. I have made 2 calls and am still waiting. He will also be officially disenrolled from his private school. They will have assignments prepared for the week which we can complete and turn in if we choose. I don't know if that ultimately will be too confusing or not. As I said academically he is above target we will continue home schooling in a low key kindergarten way, throwing in time for therapy, gym, music and art.His brother unfortunately is quite sick requiring multiple medical interventions and appointments, our dog was just diagnosed with a serious illness as well requiring intensive medication and lab monitoring - and he has just lost his eye. I just had surgery friday which is actually a blessing because I now have a full month off with pay to deal with my family. So yes we are a family under stress but I think we will do OK. I am not one usually for labels but looking back PTSD may be exactly what we are looking at so thank you so much for all your help and collective insights. Any additional advice will also be greatly appreciated.

I think keeping him in kindy and getting help with the situations/behavior is the way to go. Make a decision for next year's grade level in the summer when you have a better idea of how he's doing. Regardless of what grade you put him in next year, you will want to make sure his needs are met. Meaning if you hold him back, you'll want to be sure his academic pace is being met and he's being challenged. If you put him forward, you'll want to make sure he is emotionally/socially able to handle it and be more prepared for peer issues etc.

To clarify, I did not mean flashing a gun, I meant actually flashing naked private parts and I was listing flashing, threatening with a gun, chronically disruptive, etc. as separate things. I guess it was confusing all in one sentence. Oh my gosh, you have my heartfelt sympathy. It never rains but it pours. Keep everybody safe, go easy on yourself, take one thing at a time in order of immediate importance, and throw away the word "should" with regard to the holidays. I hope things get better soon. :love:

It sounds like your little guy needs a little more time to mature along with the therapy and everything else you're doing for him. While our daughters didn't have the behavioral issues you mention, we did choose to withdraw them from kindergarten in mid-February of that year because we saw that they simply were not emotionally mature enough. We enrolled them in kindergarten the following September (they were 6) and they have thrived since that time (they are now in 3rd grade). Sometimes kids just aren't ready and I, personally, see no problem with waiting a little to have them attend school. Good luck with your little guy - and all the other things you have going.

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I know this thread is a bit old, but I want to concur with HappyTwinsMom above me. My son is as bright as could be, however, he is just not emotionally ready to start Kindergarten in the Fall. He'd be amongst the youngest in his class, and I can already tell from his behavior in Preschool, that it just wouldn't fly at this time. We're going to send him to an actual pre-K program first, then take it from there.