Ready for homestudy & telling?

Work now to thicken your skin. LOL Practice smiling, even when you want to smack someone upside the head. Think of some non-commital responses. "Indeed?" or "That's an interesting perspective" were helpful for me when a smile wasn't enough. When people were persistant I just said something along the lines of, "We appreciate your concern and know that you'll be praying for us. This is a decision that Dh and I have reached because we feel that God is leading us in this." People were upset because we adopted from foster care, and were 'taking on other people's problems' (a direct quote :( ). Dh just smiled and said, "Funny, I thought they were children." If you don't want to share personal details, then don't. Say so if people persist. "That was a personal decision between my Dh and I. We've decided to adopt." That isn't rude. I also tried to address the basis for the question. Some people were concerned about the emotional heartache, others about the logistics of the adoption process, still others wanted us to fully grieve the loss of our fertility. (We have one bio child and opted to not have more due to my health problems. I thought EVERYone knew that, but some didn't.) I would usually try to say something to those who were close enough to us to let them know that yes, we'd considered the very thing they were concerned about and that we were addressing that issue. Others, like acquaintences, I didn't feel the need to enlighten. "We appreciate your concern", or "Thank you for your perspective" (...it's only the 100,000th time we've heard that... :rolleyes:) were standbys for that stuff. Being kind to the poor person who said the exact same phrase as 100 other people was difficult, but it wasn't their fault they said the same EXACT thing as everyone else. :) So, are you going to sell jewelry online??? :D

Thanks everyone for your inside, tips, phrases and humor that is added to the whole situation. Really helps. So far I think we've decided to wait till the home study is wrapping up before announcing, but will be telling a few close friends so there can be that extra support. I think the biggest issue was how to handle a situation when confronted by a variety of people and I was so blessed to hear everyone's response because it gave me ideas and helped me realize that others have been though that part of it and survived :) I guess I could share the website on this post of the jewelry making I will be selling once I get it up and running soon, hopefully it's worth all the work. Don't know if there would be a better place to post it on this site. I was curious if anyone wanted to share a bit about how the homestudy is suppose to go. I have absolutely no ideas except for the fact that there needs to be some house hold changes, and individual interviews. Am I missing anything else major? I'm assuming this is the part where we get approved to be adoptive parents. I do not see any reason for not getting approved unless the couple completely disregards instructions and have major issues. How long does it normally take ? 6weeks? Thanks again for all the comments and for any further info. J

My husband was more than willing to write his bio; it was bad. I had to ask him questions and rewrite the whole thing. Sometimes paperwork can be intimidating, expecially if it is asking for 'feelings'. My husband was very bad at it and needed guidence. But he is totally on board and excited about our adoption. He is a bit guarded; but I don't blame him, we are just concerned something will go wrong. We are currently matched with a emom due in April. It is a lot of emom expenses and there is still so much time for her to change her mind. I keep getting assurance she is not going to change her mind. I've told some people but I don't want to make it official just yet because I don't want to have to explain to everyone if she changes her mind. We'll see how it works out.

LOL My Dh didn't write his bio, he did it all via an interview with the cw. :evilgrin: I wrote mine (hey, they asked, so if I sent in a manuscript it was their request, right?). They wanted to know how we were parented, how we planned to parent, what our social network was, about our educations, why we wanted to adopt, what our extended family thought, what strengths we thought we had, and what weaknesses, what kinds of issues we thought we could handle, and what we couldn't handle. (We adopted special needs kids.) We had to have:criminal background checks and fingerprints (Federal and state)a medical release to adopt (basically a paper signed by our dr. saying we were healthy enough to be parents)references (one from a family member, one or two(?) from a non-relative) financial disclosure home inspection (they looked at safety stuff, like fire extinguishers, smoke alarms, a written escape plan in case of fire, locked cabinet for meds, appropriate fencing/gates around open water/danger areas, vet certs for all pets) and they needed to see where we planned to have the kids live and number of bedrooms, that kind of thing. (I cleaned the oven. Dh thought I was nuts. I said that while I didn't think they'd look in the oven, I would know it was clean....)There were many discussions and 'interviews' with the cw, too. Just a lot of getting to know us, what our family was like, and what our philosophy of life was.

Congratulations on how far you have come in the process. May I offer a different consideration through my experience. I was so reluctant to tell anyone we were adopting for the exact reason of people's constant questioning. I too got the "now you will get pregnant" a million times lol. However, once our homestudy was approved my husband encouraged me to share openly as we were very excited. Even though I didn't agree I wanted to share in his excitement. We told everyone who was part of our every day lives and am I ever glad I did. Get this....One week after our telling, someone approached me with an adoption opportunity. 3 months later we brought home a beautiful baby. Opportunity rarely comes to your doorstep without footwork. We showed God we were ready and he placed a baby in our arms. All the best.

We have a very unique experience. We heard that a friend of a friend knew someone blah blah blah. We were so skeptical that we didn't tell anyone except family. Fortunatly, we met the birth mom when she was 33 weeks and he came at 37 weeks. Imagine the suprise some people felt (and hurt) that we didn't share! But I stand by my decision. The pain if they had backed out would have been a private pain, so we "expected" in private. I will warn you, though. Don't deprive yourself the joy of expecting. I didn't even shop for him for fear they would back out. I bought his crib 2 days before he came because it was on sale!!! The birthmom even asked me if I was excited at all because I had not shared plans (nursery theme, etc.) Enjoy this time, do what is right for you and your family. Friends and others will fall into place! Good luck and God Bless you in this journey!

We told our immediate family once we made the decision. We started telling others once we were finished with paperwork and had background clearances and were in the home study process.

My husband and I have been talking about adoption since before we were married. We have waited a long time to finally be "ready" for kids. So - now we are ready to start the adoption process in Feb or March 2011. We have told all our close family and friends and immediate co-workers - and are gradually telling other friends and acquaintances as it comes up in conversation (questions like: what is going on in your life right now?, etc) We are very happy and excited about it - and we tell people that it will be a long process so don't expect anything TOO soon. I don't know if we will grow to be tired of all the questions - but, for now, we are just glad to be able to share the joy and expectation with others who care - and we will hope for the best! (So far no one has asked about "why" we are adopting - but we are unique (it seems) because we have not tried to have biological children - we just always wanted to adopt. We are going to adopt a sibling group... But we know there will be LOTS of questions anyway - and people who think they know a "better" way to adopt....) Thanks to everyone who is supportive toward others who are adopting - no matter what the reason and no matter what "type" of adoption. We each have a different outlook and a different calling - and thank God for that! Every child deserves a loving home.

This is a long story. My cousin is pregnant she is very young. She wants me to adopt the baby, the baby is due June 24 of this year. I have no idea where to start. How much is this going to cost me? What paperwork do i need to fill out? I just don't know what direction to go in. Im unable to have children and this is something that I want more than anything. Im not rich by no means, but im also not poor. She isn't able to care for the baby. So how do you go about adopting from a family member. Do you still have to do a home study? and if so how much do they cost. Adoption is a lot of things to take in at one time. But i wouldn't have it any other way. Someone please help me out and give me some information. Thank you, Confused 24:hissy:

Confused, At the very least you should talk to an adoption attorney to find out what the necessary steps to take are in your state. They should be able to lead you in the right direction.

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. We've gotten though the house being inspected.... guess I worried for nothing. It was pretty neat since the SW checked the house but then really spent time answering our questions and showing interested as well as suggestions in regards to how the dynamics of our family is going to change when adding a little one or ones. We still have a bit of paperwork left (hopefully have everything completed this weekend) and then it's waiting for the homestudy to be completed. SW said mid Feb! Then waiting and waiting for my kids!!! Yes, we're planning on adopting two at once. Exited, nervous and freaking out. I've been looking foward to being a mom for so long but now I'm feeling anxious. Not only that but I've got a great career and am having a bit of a hard time thinking of letting go. Actually I can't wait for the change of being a full time mom but I guess the unknown has got me a bit nervous. I believe this is more life changing than even being married to an extent! I hear it all, things will never be the same, but it will be good.... just wait....well I'm ready!!!! (As for confused24 all I can think of is talk to a adoption lawyer or a foster care agency that deals with adoptions. I think it depends on your State.Good luck. ) Again thanks so much for being here and sharing your experiences and leanding support during this crazy time in my life.

we are doing a half-half thing...we've told that we are going the adoption route, but little else. we're being vague about most of it with our friends and coworkers. my parents know what's really happening: our home study is almost complete and there are two emoms wanting to see our profile as soon as it's published! anyway, i too heard a lot of the 'you'll get pregnant now' comments when we said we're adopting- i'm a less subdued person so my response is 'yes, i'm sure my pcos will just vanish and dh will actually produce sperm and we'll find out that the dozen doctors we saw over the past 8 years were ALL quacks'...not very discrete, but for sure shuts them up... good luck!

After 2 years of infertility and few changes of biological child we decided to start the adoption process. My husband's family is large 7 sibblings and they are all happy for us. They can't wait to see the baby. Our nieces and nephews had picked up names...lol We are so happy that our family is supportive. My mother is a little bit reluctant..she seems not accepting the infertility on us....but I explained to her that if God wants it we will have another one in a natural way later...but now the adotion is the choice. I am 32 and my DH 48 so we don't feel like waiting for years to have the first child. Good luck to everyone! :hippie:

Having family support is so wonderful! It took my mom a long time to except my IF (sometimes I still don't think she gets it), but it doesn't take anything away from how she loves our DD. I've never seen a grandma more in love with her grandchild :love: Good luck! I hope things progress well for you!

Jeca, Congratulations on your adoption journey! I was pretty excited to read your post because we're in about the same place as you...although, we haven't had our home study yet. We are ready for it! So far, only my parents know and we plan to tell my in-laws immediately after the home study. We know after that that our plans will be public knowledge, so we're just enjoying this "couple" time while we have it.