I can never do what I want to

(((HUGS)))I am sorry for your pain and hope some of our members here with a similar experience or just shared feeling can help support you.

I have not been a birth mom as long as you, but it's an experience that I'm pretty sure no one can appreciate and understand until they've been through it. For me when I finally reached out and talked to other birth moms I finally felt normal, which helped A LOT. In fact another birth mom from my agency and I have started having get togethers - she hasn't told anyone in her life what she went through (her daughter is 16 months old) and the first time we talked we spent over 7 hours talking about everything. It was amazing not having to justify or clarify any feelings, just talk about them. I definitely miss my son everyday and sometimes when I'm alone I spend my time getting lost in my head, it's a hard trap to get out of. As much as you have to work to find a new footing in your own life, what I know is it was only after I could talk about things without judgement that I felt like I could let go of some things. I'm a work in progress, I think we all are, but I figure as long as I keep moving that's something. I give you good thoughts. :grouphug: Please feel free to PM if you ever want to email, and I hope you find the support you need with these amazing women.

Hi Lya :) I've been a birthmom for the past 18 years, and I too have kept it from my family, tho I do have quite a few friends who know about my DD, as well as those who went through it with me. I do understand how you feel, for a long time I pushed my feelings down and tried to "move on", and at times I did feel very conflicted about that. It's almost if you are betraying yourself, you are who you are, choices and all. And it IS nothing to be ashamed of, but there is a misconception that you should be. A lot of people don't understand. You don't get over it, you have to learn to live with it :) Do you have contact with your son or his family? Have you thought about reuniting with him? Part of what pulled me out was realizing that I did want to reunite with my DD, and if I was to do that, I needed to be healthy about things for her. It meant telling people close to me about her and it meant talking to those who already knew about her. It was a shock at first, some of my friends were "concerned" when I began talking about her again, but the more I talked, the easier it became to tell people. Some were more understanding than others. But some surprised me. Those close to me were a lot more supportive than I thought. I also came here, where I was able to REALLY talk with those that understand because they have been there. I gained a lot of strength and perspective that way. I still have a long ways to go, because I still have to tell my family. But it's a lot less scary now that it was 6 years ago when I first thought about it. Plus I kept at it, I surrounded myself with people who accepted me for me, I went after things I wanted, I did things that I found joy in. At first I totally faked it, but I wanted it to be real because I pictured how my DD would want to see me when we reunited. As my confidence grew, I found I didn't have to fake it anymore :) Now I am starting reunion with my DD, and it's amazing partially because I'm in a really good place. I hope you stick around here, there is a lot of support here. Welcome and good luck :grouphug: