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Im 19 years old with a 1year old daughter who is my world, i on the 6th went to the doctors and found out that im deff pregnat, but the twist, im due the 26th and have to have a csection on the 17th because he/she is breached.:paci:
I have a wonderful relationship with the father ((whos also my daughters dad)) and we are trying to make the best choice, and at this point i have no idea what it is.
Hes leaving for the military Jan 6th and ill be left here alone with our daughter. I do not have a job because im going to school & cant find one. I have nothing i need for this baby, and i feel in my heart it would be best to give he/she the best home possible with a family that want a baby in their lifes.
My family is behind me 100% of the way, but most agree with my decision. I dont know what to do...
HELP?
I may not be the best person for answers, but I didn't want you to think that no one was reading. I'm an adoptive mom, so I first commend you on thinking through all of your options. I can only imagine how overwhelming all of this is to try to figure out so quickly. I do believe that only you can decide what you believe to be best for your child and also your daughter and your children's father. Have you looked into open adoption at all? There are lots of families who would love to have a relationship with you and your family and then you can still be a part of your child's life if you do make the decision to place your child for adoption.
But you may want to look into the military benefits, perhaps they would help you keep the baby if that's what you choose too. ((hugs))
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Have you looked into the services provided to members of the military? All medical should be provided and I would assume day care etc is available.
The State will also provide services and you may wish to talk to Planned Parenthood as well.
Bromachick on this site usually has some resources to offer and checks in on a regular basis.
Whatever you ultimately decide on you do not have to do it right away or even right after birth - plenty of time. If you are considering adoption it is not something to be decided overnight - much thought, research and soul-searching on how it will impact you, your husband and your daughter and extended family must be carefully thought through.
Kind regards,
Dickons
I was just browsing through the forums for some other info and found your post. I'm a single mom of two special-needs kids and am considering becoming a foster parent. I went through school shortly after my divorce. My kids were very small but it can be done. I'd nurse the baby, hand him to the sitter, take a couple morning classes and be home for lunch. The rest of my classes I'd take online. That worked until they were preschool age.
I can't advise you as to whether or not to place your child, but can say that as a single mom I've found it easier having two vs. one. I know you're not a single mom, but you are going to be on your own for a while and that's why I bring it up. My kids keep eachother entertained. When one goes someplace else for the day I get tired out trying to entertain the other one. Even when my son was a tiny baby my daughter would keep busy trying to make the baby laugh or trying to entice him to crawl across the room. It's very hard for the first couple months but after that I truly believe it's easier to have two than to just have one.
There are many groups that provide assistance to military families. You should be receiving housing and dependent expenses (not sure of the names for those, but you should be taken care of fairly well). Some groups may require that you be married to the military member but since he's the father of your kids I'm sure there are organizations that would work with you to meet whatever needs you have.
Good luck! I really hope that you come to a decision that is best for everyone involved.
I would think you still have things left from your 1 year old's time as a baby and as the pp pointed out, you should have military services available to you as well? But mostly, since you just found out you are 9 months pregnant AND you are going to have a C section, I'd highly recommend you wait a minimum of a week after the baby is born before making any decisions.
You must be reeling from finding out you are pregnant and now about to deliver so quickly! I can't imagine!!
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One thing I would absolutely urge is to not make ANY decision based on panic!
Adoption is a permenant solution to often temporary circumstances.
If you can make parenting work in your current circumstances, I urge you to try.
I relinquished my son nearly 26 years ago. I didn't officially find out I was pregnant until I was 6 months along. I still remember the whirlwind of panic surrounding finding out, having to tell my parents, etc etc.
The thing is though, I did not have the support of my parents or my ex-boyfriend. I believed all the things I were told that 'your child needs two parents', 'you'll never finish your education', 'you'll ruin your life'.
Instead, I've had years of depression and dealing with loss, not only dealing with loss, but dealing with a loss that I was forbidden to talk about. Or if I did dare to talk about, I've been extremely judged for!
Think about this long and hard. I know women who relinquished their second born child and not only go through the issues of grieving of those of us who relinquished our firstborn, but also grieve relinquishing their kept child's sibling. They wonder if they will be judged by their relinquished child with the thoughts of 'why did you keep my older brother/sister and not me?'.
Some people may talk to you about the 'joys' of open adoption. The thing is that open adoption isn't enforceable in many states, and the truth of the matter is that many adoptive parents (and some birth parents as well for that matter), choose to either close the adoption at a later date, or at least minimise contact.
Seriously, once you relinquish your child, LEGALLY that child is no longer yours. I ache for the fact that I will NEVER have anywhere near the sort of relationship with my relinquished son that I am forging with the daughters I am currently raising.
My heart goes out to you! And I ask you to please please consider parenting this child, see if you can make it work! And dont make any decisions through panic!
I wish you all the best.
Please ~ do NOT make any decisions for adoption until AFTER the birth of your child. You have just found out about your new child, you are reeling from that news, you are feeling overwhelmed with it and all the other stuff going on in your life. It is no time to make a rash decision. Do not make a permanent solution for a temporary problem!
I am a first mom, I gave my first born son up for adoption 31 years ago, have been in reunion for almost two years now.
Facts about adoption:
You will love this baby ~ as much as you love the child you are raising now. Forever. The love doesn't go away.
Your baby knows you. Babies are NOT blank slates. Research the effects of adoption on children ~ but learn from adult adoptees, not from studies done by the adoption industry.
Your child that you are raising is also going to be effected if you choose adoption. You are giving their sibling away. Even if the adoption is open (and kept open) they will not be raised as siblings. Research the effects of adoption on raised siblings.
You will not go back to life as you knew it before you found out you were pregnant. You will be living the same 'ole life, while trying to figure out how to survive without one of your children. Your body and soul are forever changed and broken when you are living without a child.
These are just a few things you need to know about adoption loss. I would wish this life on NOBODY ~ not even my worst enemy. I have faced many losses in my life ~ NONE even begin to compare to the loss of my son.
Think past the infant stage. Think just two short years down the road. Then imagine five or ten years down the road. What will your life be like? With and without your child. What will your raised child's life be like ~ with and without their sibling.
One very important thing to know about open adoption. Many times, the adoptive family will promise you the world in order to get your baby. However, open adoption is not legally enforceable. If the adoptive parents decide for ANY reason to close the adoption, there is NOTHING you can do. If you are not willing to go into adoption as though it were a closed adoption, then adoption is NOT your answer.
A baby needs a parents love, a healthy home, and nutrition. They do not need fancy clothes, new furniture, etc. Unless abuse or neglect will be a part of the equation, or if you truly have absolutely NO desire to be a parent, adoption is unnecessary.
For yourself and everyone involved, please take the time to research the effects of adoption on all of you. DO NOT get your advice from an adoption agency, or a crisis pregnancy center.
Good luck. You can pm me if you want.
I urge you to think long and hard about this option...for both your sake and your baby's sake. If you absolutely, positively do NOT want to parent your new baby, then yes, adoption is a viable option. But if you want to raise your baby...if you wish to be part of his/her life...then explore all the resources available for single moms. Also, as others have pointed out, the military should be able to provide you with some resources and benefits.
I would not wish becoming a member of the "birth mom club" on my worst enemy...seriously. It's an extremely hard path to follow, and your heart can get smashed to smithereens. You will be judged harshly by many members of society, maybe to your face or maybe behind your back...or maybe just silently. Many women think they can escape the judgment if they just keep the baby a secret...it doesn't work. Secrets are harmful, not only to you but most importantly to your relinquished child. Chances are high that when your baby grows into adulthood, he or she will come looking for you. And it's extremely damaging to a reunion when the child has been kept a secret from other family members.
Research the financial assistance programs that are available through both the military and government. Take a deep breath...and relax. Don't make any decisions until you welcome this new child into the world. Talk to an unbiased counselor, one who is not affiliated with any adoption agency. This is a monumental decision, one that will have lifelong repercussions for both you and the baby, as well as your little girl. Once you sign the relinquishment papers, there is no turning back...ever. Be absolutely positive that that's what you want before you sign the dotted line.
SoLittleTime
Im 19 years old with a 1year old daughter who is my world, i on the 6th went to the doctors and found out that im deff pregnat, but the twist, im due the 26th and have to have a csection on the 17th because he/she is breached.:paci:
I have a wonderful relationship with the father ((whos also my daughters dad)) and we are trying to make the best choice, and at this point i have no idea what it is.
Hes leaving for the military Jan 6th and ill be left here alone with our daughter. I do not have a job because im going to school & cant find one. I have nothing i need for this baby, and i feel in my heart it would be best to give he/she the best home possible with a family that want a baby in their lifes.
My family is behind me 100% of the way, but most agree with my decision. I dont know what to do...
HELP?
Please find a pregnancy counselor to talk to ASAP!!! Finding out you are pregant so far along isn't the best time to be planning options for a pregnancy! No adoptive family would want to feel forced into a decision due to time contraints. Best of luck to you :)
Courtney
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Hi there, My husband and I are desperately wanting to adopt. We cannot have children of our own. PLease contack me if you are thinking of adoption. kdd21210@gmail.com:flower: