RAD parenting advice needed

Can they handle having the privledges back? If you want to give them back, don't explain, just do it-I find a written list of the rules and privledges works well for this. I don't explain-just tape up the rules. Or, you can say, I changed my mind, I want new rules. As for techniques, I find it best to work on one or two behaviors at a time. This prevents ME from becoming overwhelmed. If you post the behaviors, lots of people can give you ideas. I like Katherine Leslie's approach(google her for more info) She uses a coaching method. Rather then questioning, arguing, stating the behavior is wrong, she tells them the correct wording or shows them the correct behavior and has them use it. My son is attached but has other issues and he lies by habit. "I did clean my room!" I simply reply "I'll go back and finish my room now-go" and he repeats. If he fails to repeat, I try one more time. Third time, I tell him I'm sorry he isn't strong enough to say the right things. It takes practice, but suprisingly works quite often. (Once the correct response or truth is repeated, I reply as if they had come up with it on their own) No lectures, No warnings. Mean what you say. If you say no tv for a month, the tv stays off a month. Give in a day early, you lose ALL credibility with a RAD child. If you don't like the consequence, don't use it to detour the behavior as a child with RAD will have to test you. Ask, talk, vent here and you will get help. It's tough to answer a vague question about techniques as each child reacts differently. So, specific situations or behaviors may get you far more usuable info.

Thanks, what you've said is some help. Right now I am so exhausted from dealing with this day after day it's hard to even think clearly about specific behaviors; it seems alot of times it's just alot of little things. DS 2 pushes every button I have and quite well I might add ! I know I have to not let it get to me and if it does don't let him know it. One of the things I would like to correct is when they are asked a question, they answer not just stare at me (they do it to DH too) Also, DS2 has this smirk thing he does; like he wants me to wonder what he's up to. They are def. manipulative and lots of times I feel THEY are in control of our house and activities (make us late because they aren't ready to leave when we should, even though they've had ample time) I'll post more as I collect my thoughts. Thanks again.

The exhaustion is killer and there are two of them to break you which makes life so much more interesting(read, run toward the terroists yelling take me first-PLEASE) The special needs board gets far more traffic so posting there will get you more responses. I have a smirker-I know exactly what you mean-sadly, I don't think that's fixable. I have to ignore that cause it makes me crazy like I could go off the deep end. As for the questions, don't ask them. The freeze face is a fear based reaction-a common one for these kids. They're honestly unable to answer. If they manage to answer, it's a lie or they talk in circles anyway. Make statements-"Since you need to sweep up the trash you've tossed on the floor, you may as well sweep the whole kitchen." Or "I'll need $3 to replace the shampoo." No explaination and when they argue-revert to the-"yes mom, I'll get that for you-go"(My kids had this thing for dumping shampoo down the drain) They can't tell you why-cause likely they don't know. Fear often causes them to guess what you want to hear instead of the real answer anyway. I never ask my rad kids questions. (Well, I try not to. If I do, they quickly remind me that it's a bad idea)

Thanks again. I'll have to work on not asking questions, and using statements instead. I loved the run toward the terrorists comment...it made me laugh and I NEEDED a good laugh. I'll also check the other forum. Thanks again...it's just nice to talk to someone that understands.

Ok the two things that have helped me the very most: Watch this: [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU_HJY8md-0]YouTube - Therapeutic Parenting - When Our Kids are Stuck[/url] and read this: [url]https://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/inducement.html[/url] And TAKE A BREAK! Typical RAD kids don't act up with others- if your kids are that way, take advantage of it!! Mine can be HORRID day and night for weeks with me- but when Grandpa or Aunt H or even his biosibs adoptive family show up to take him for an overnight- his behavior is FINE. I often pay for it the next day, because he never wants to go anywhere and will try to "punish" me for making him-- but by then I had a night out! I had grown up time (and NO TALKING ABOUT KIDS is allowed at grown up time!) and a chance to sleep in and so I am better prepared to handle it. If that doesn't work for you, take whatever break you can. Go out to dinner, or even breakfast, or call in to work on day the kids have school. Just find a way to recharge yourself -you deserve it, and if your well runs dry everyone around you goes thristy.

I highly recommend attending a Nancy Thomas camp. I have a 10 year old who is diagnosed with RAD. He was at the point of needing a residential treatment facility a year ago. I was desperate and decided to attend a Nancy Thomas camp as one last ditch effort. I know there is some controversy about her methods, but I will tell you that she is the most loving, caring and amazing woman I have ever met. I learned more in one week from her at the camp than I have learned through the 20+ books I've read, attending parenting groups, attachment therapy, etc. I left her camp equipped with the skills and knowledge to heal my son. It has been just a year since attending camp and my son is doing so much better. He has attached and his issues with constant lying, stealing, and extreme definace have completely disappeared. Yes, we still do have some issues, but they are nothing compared to how things were a year ago.I cannot say enough about the camp. It saved our family. Feel free to pm me for more info.

Mercyme, A great book to read is "Connected Child" by Karyn Purvis. She offers a lot of helpful information and ways to manage behavior.