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We are in the process of adopting a 10 y.o girl & 8 y.o boy - they currently do not have any visitation, just 2 phone calls per wk (that last less that 5 min) from bio mom and paternal grandparents email. We have discussed setting up some supervised hour long wkly visits with the bio mom(who is developmentally disabled) - I worry about how it will affect the kids, she has some very childish ways and the kids start talking 'baby talk' after they talk to her on the phone and seem to regress after the conversations. I worry what hour long face to face visits will do and if it will be good or bad for the children in the long run.
Question is if others have had similiar situations and do you just keep a record of behaviors following the calls/visits? If it is deemed detrimental to their well being will the sw/courts cut back on the visits? What advice would you give me about this?
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I would not do weekly visits. If you think face to face visits are appropriate, maybe do 2-3 a year. Perhaps 1x a month phone calls if they are regressing. How long does it take them to "bounce back" to normal? If it is a few hours, I'd do 1-2 times a month, but if it takes them days/weeks to get back on track, I'd cut it down.If you are open to giving/receiving pictures, letters, etc, that might help in the times when you don't have much face to face communication. Good luck...always a hard line to walk. Be flexible and change as needed!
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????why the heck would they INCREASE contact if the case is going towards adoption???
After navigating an older child adoption, if I could go back and change anything, would not have had as much contact in the beginning. We needed TIME to become a family.
That's just my experience. You have to do what your kids need and you are the best person to decide this!
we just called the sw after each visit and reported what we saw. the sw was great about reducing contact that was causing the children trauma and stress. so my advice is domument, document, document. start a spiral bound notebook and just jot down things that happen...all the time, not just after visits....so that sw can get a sense of what is "normal" and what is not.
The kids SW seems to me to be kind of a ditz. D's foster mom felt the same way so it's not just me. Everyone feels they waited too long to pull the kids out of the home, etc. I think some of it might be the fact that there mom has cognitive/developmental delays and the SW feels sorry for her. But her interaction with them is so childish (probably what her level is) and then they seem to revert too. I have started the notebook to document. I decided after the last phone call that it was necessary. I am meeting with the SW and the kids' counselor on monday afternoon, so I'm going to discuss more then.
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Have the kids requested to see their birth mom more? Are they interested in seeing her face to face?
If they are not asking for this, then you can take their regression after phone conversations as a sign that they can not mentally handle more visits at this time.
If they are asking for these face to face, I would think about doing these quarterly. Maybe the first visit can be in a relaxing environment with a 30 minute time limit to see how things go.
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