WTH? professional advice (of the day)

I had friends who adopted a 4-year-old girl from Korea and they put her birthday back 2 years so she could learn English before she entered school. They felt it would give her an academic advantage and since she was smaller in size than the average American child she would "fit in" with her class.Academically she excelled - made it to the gifted program, but socially she was isolated (mentally and emotionally older than her class peers) and did not "fit in" at all until high school.

Therapist who deals with children from foster care which would indicate trauma involved and then losing their family permanently and adopted and then change the age as a gift? Agree - WTH... D

I had a FD who was 2.5. Very small size and she had hip dysplasia. She could walk with the aid of a tiny walker and this kid wanted to be independent and walk. I took her for a checkup at the children's hospital and they told me they would not order kid sized crutches for her or a tiny walker because she was too small and she would hurt herself. What? Because she's tiny you would prefer her to drag herself around until when? When she is bigger and can get surgery? I told them fine. I know my child and she wanted to walk. If they wouldn't get the crutches for me( so medicaid would pay), I would buy them myself and modify them for her size. When she left my house after 6 months she could walk about 3-4 blocks by herself. Idiots. She was so proud too!

I haven't got any truly bad advice thus far as a parent. Some things make me roll my eyes and shake my head...but for the most part nothing crazy. The other day at WIC they asked me if my developmentally delayed 7mo was using a sippy cup yet. I said no and they said they wanted her to be using one by her next visit with them. I just laughed. She can't even sit up yet, I'm not giving her a cup!I also wanted to say you learn something new every day...I have never ever heard of changing a birthday when you adopt a child. Is that pretty common?

I have heard of changing the age, but only with foreign adoptions. The reasons are usually that either A. the child was simply found abandoned and so the true birthdate is unknown and orphanage workers must guess, (naturally some are better at guessing than others and it can be hard to guess if the child is malnurished or delayed) so some parents take the child to specialists who can determine the child's true age, and then they change it to match. Or B. Some orphanage workers will lie about a child's age, usually they mean well and are either saying the child is younger in hopes that they will be more adoptable, or trying to keep the child from being moved to an orphanage for older kids.

Now for the dumb things some specialists have told me.1. The child's history is "irrelavent" so she refused to read it. So, six years in four different institutions and an on going eating disorder and a diagnosis of RAD is Irelavant?2. He needs to learn how to be away from you. Um, he had six years being away from me, it's being with me he has issues with!3. There is no such thing as RAD. 4. Lying is developmentally appropriate and so praise him for lying and never impose consequences. It shoud be encouraged as it's creative. (this was not occasional lying, this was constant lying including false accusations!)

You recognize that losing their family permanently is an additional trauma on kids who have already been through a lot? :love: I had a child therapist tell me that it was too confusing for a child to have a bio-parent be part of their life, that it interfered with forming bonds to the adoptive parents. By that logic, shouldn't the same apply for divorce, just let the best parent have the kid, sever all ties with the other parent, and let the child focus on forming bonds with the step-parent? Kids are people too, and it hurts to lose someone you care about no matter what your age is. It'd help me if I at least knew that my kids are okay, but I worry that if they mention anything about missing me, it'll be met with the same attitude as Harry Potter's aunt talking about dog breeding in the scene where he ended up blowng her up.

I was told that my son's autism, epilepsy, bipolar disorder, etc. could all be cured with enough labeled praise, and in fact had been caused by his sadness because I didn't label praise well enough or often enough. She wouldn't read the piles of reports I brought in and would simply set them aside and ask how the praising was going. Apparently, praising builds trust which builds good behavior, and if he has bad behavior (or autistic symptomology) it's all because he doesn't trust me since I clearly don't praise him correctly. If only I'd ignore all bad behavior (no matter how dangerous and destructive) and praise the slightest good behavior he'd be all better. If only that were true right......

Child was almost 4, couldn't talk so you could understand him, *ferocious* temper, strong as avg 7-8-year-old. One of the most dislikable children I've ever met, yet I knew I could turn him around. Hey, I'd asked for a child who was getting people to give up on him. Screaming tantrums, lots of hitting, kicking, verbally/physically attacking me 500-1,000 times a day, including screaming to hurt your ears. YES, he knew what he was doing. After one screaming bout in a public building I waited till he buckled into his car seat and I was driving. Then told him, "You can feel as bad or mad as when you were screaming, but you can NOT keep screaming like that. You hurt people's ears in that building. They were nice people who were feeling bad. You can use your words. But you can NOT keep screaming like that." We got home, I asked if he'd like some toast. Yes. He was hungry. I opened the frig door, took bread in hand, then asked, "Would you like me to make the buttery toast, or would you like me to get down on the floor and scream for a while?" One hand still holding frig door open. With wide little eyes, he said, "Make toast." I said, "Oh, OK." At least 20-25 times/day (in 12 hours) for next couple days I offered to stop and scream instead of, say, driving him to the park to play. He declined every time. His counselor was in training, her first FC. Told her in initial meeting about the bread thing. She nodded slowly and methodically, and said, "So you offered to withhold food from him?"

in therapy once with my kid with RAD(she was 10 at the time), the therapist suggested i give her "choices." she used this example: "like when you ask her to sweep, she should be able to say that first she'd like to do something else." really? because my kid with RAD needed MORE opportunities to control what i wanted her to do? um..no...she didn't. last time we went there.

LOL!!! I about feel out of my chair laughing :)