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OK, with MLK day coming up, I decided to use it as a teachable moment and let the concept of race enter our house. A is almost 5. She is Hispanic. DH and I are CC. She is starting to notice differences in people because of skin color. I have done lots of reading about the important of not being color blind when raising a child of a different race, and about talking straightforwardly about race and racism rather then dancing around the issue (in an age appropriate way, of course).
Last week in synagogue she found a book about Harriet Tubman, and that started a conversation, and so I decided to get her a book about Dr. King today to continue it. So I got her a picture book for kids about MLK's life - about how black people and white people were treated differently in parts of America, about how MLK didn't think it was fair for people to be treated differently based on skin color, and about how he wanted everyone to be equal.
So, then I didn't know how to deal with her two main comments after, and that made me realize I need help with the conversation. The first comment is "My skin is darker." Which it is, darker then mine certainly, but it made me realize that I hadn't thought through how to talk about this with a Hispanic child specifically. The narrative is very "black and white" so to speak.
The next thing she said was "people treat me unfairly." And I just groaned inside, because in fact she's 4 and a half and so EVERYTHING that's not her way is unfair in her mind, and the last thing I want her to do is start extrapolating that when I tell her she has to brush her teeth and she calls me UNFAIR it's because of her skin color, you know? :grr:
So, thoughts about how to have this conversation continue in a more productive way?
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If that occurs, I would correct her and say you are her parent and there is a difference between a parent who loves their child, and people who dislike others for no reason, or because they are different. Keep it simple.
MLK:
Add that Whites also worked very hard along with MLK, people of different religions and so on. Use non disturbing pictures. Make it all inclusive.
Children (of all races) writing/ speaking of MLK good deeds is another way as well for example:
[url=http://myhero.com/go/hero.asp?hero=ml_king2]The My Hero Project - Martin Luther King, Jr.[/url]
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Saya
The next thing she said was "people treat me unfairly." And I just groaned inside, because in fact she's 4 and a half and so EVERYTHING that's not her way is unfair in her mind, and the last thing I want her to do is start extrapolating that when I tell her she has to brush her teeth and she calls me UNFAIR it's because of her skin color, you know? :grr:
So, thoughts about how to have this conversation continue in a more productive way?
I love that you are doing this...maybe you can help her learn a different definition of "unfair" than the way she has been using it-"When you don't want to do something and I tell you that you have to do it, you say I'm being unfair. That's not what it means in the book. In the book, unfair means that people who were a different color were not allowed to do some things that people who were white could do. . ." and maybe go over some of the examples. And then remind her that if she was black, white, brown, green or purple, she would STILL have to listen to her mother and STILL have to brush her teeth! :) Do you think that might work? Good luck!
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No advice but laughing at the being treated unfairly because she doesn't get her way. I can totally see my 4 boys saying this!!
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I wonder if maybe you should just focus on same/different around hair, skin, eyes, etc. for now. I know both of my sons, 5 and 3, are just beginning to notice that we are different colors. It might be too early to link skin color to race and it's probably way to early to link race to history. Sounds like she is just beginning to notice the skin color difference now, which is developmentally on-target.
Natalie
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