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We spend every week with our niece & nephew. Last week our niece said, "He is not as brown as he use to be" about my bi-racial son while he was sitting with us at the dinner table. I took the statement as a time to explain that we all get a little lighter in the winter when we have less sun exposure and "not to worry" because we will all get darker in the summer and he will return to his beautiful brown. :eyebrows:
Still, I hate that my in-laws don't educate their children or expose them to people of color. My family is interracial and I can't imagine living like she does. It's not my 4 year old niece's fault that her cousin is the ONLY "brown" person she knows.
Anyone have any luck encouraging there family to be more diverse? Anyone explain to their family why this is important to how you are raising your child? I know that this is not the biggest or most important battle, but I don't know how I can live my whole life with our kids being the only "diversity" in my in-law's life. For the millionth time, I just wish people would educate their kids. Sigh.
I could use your advice if you have talked with your family about this.
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I not seeing anything bad or weird about what your 4 year old niece said.She's allready being exposed to people of color,if you see here every week.When she starts going to school,she'll probobly be more exposed to different color of people,unless she lives in a area,that doesn't have more diverse people.But you can always teach her,about different people when you see her.She's only 4 years old,so I'm not seeing a issue,I take care of my 2 year old nephew,I don't tell him about people,there skin color,unless he would ask me,It just never crosses my mind.
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I love the innocence of children! She noticed something, and commented on it. Honestly, I grew up in a very diverse community, but I would not have known at that age that people's shades changed (black, white, biracial, whatever) without asking. In fact, if my husband (who is AA) hadn't told me that AA children darken after birth, I wouldn't have known that. While I went to school with a lot of AA kids, they were already 5+ years old and I have not been around a lot of AA newborns. Yes, it's frustrating when half of your family has such a limited perspective. However it seems like this 4 year old might be leading the way for the rest of them to learn more--if she hadn't asked, you wouldn't have been able to give your answer, and then none of them would've learned.
Whether it was my intention to educate some of my family or not, I ended up with that role when I married my husband (and vice versa, he's ended up educating his family about the "caucasian" he married!:cool: ) and there will be some more of that when we adopt, too, I'm sure.
Good luck to you, and I hope it gets easier!
I am AA with an AA family; I went to the school last week, as my youngest son asked for a fast-food burger for lunch. Anyhow, as I was going past the kids..I noted my son was patting his White friend's spiky buzz cut. He does say he allows his friend to touch his hair, or smell the hair products I put in that. However, he allows it, same with my oldest. I find that type of interaction cute, as long as it's not mean spirited. However, if it bothers my kids then that's another story, if my kids mention so and so touched my hair, I do tell them, you can always say no if it bothers you. It depends on your child.If you are in close proximity, ask to include your niece and nephew when you do go to cultural, social events, interact etc; I would also suggest books or purchase one for the kids as you collect your child's library. Why? It is not your child's responsibility to teach your extended family. More so, it may not be cool for your child to *always* be an object of curiosity during a family get-together.In addition, yes you are right... parents with the means to do so, do their kids a disservice in not exposing them to other race and cultures.
nickchris
It is not your child's responsibility to teach your extended family. More so, it may not be cool for your child to *always* be an object of curiosity during a family get-together.
nickchris always has a good perspective on things
as for me, without knowing the context of which it was said....I would have assumed that she made an observation of his skin tone during the winter months....I also had other friends who were dark (non AA) but come summer time and beach tanning they were really dark and our reaction was "dang you got dark" with admiration since some of us went from white to red so not as nice.
point is , only you know that "context" in which it was said, but on the surface it seems like something a 4 year old would say, digging deeper, making sure she's included in your family stuff can also help
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I would also have to know more about the tone and context. I can see where it might have been concerning, but it also is an opening to discuss stuff and show that it is no big deal to look different, and those don't come along every day.
I can remember my niece (5) asked me why I drew a paper doll that was supposed to represent my daughter in a different colored crayon from the one she was drawing that was supposed to be her. My daughter was not ready for drawing yet. And this is in a country with almost no diversity and very severe segregation. I just said that I thought my crayon was more realistic for her skin color and left it at that, even though the truth is that my color (tan) would have been "more realistic" for any CC person too than her chosen color (pink). Just don't push as hard. LOL I didn't go into that and I didn't do any more education besides noting that people come in different colors. I know, not very deep. At this point, we'll settle for benevolently ignorant "color-blindness" with our nieces and be grateful, if we can get that.