Birthmother has older children...

I wouldn't do anything without being asked. Even then, I would be extremely careful. I don't think anyone should have any kind of a hand in "easing" the decision for any family. That decision has to come from where they are now, not where they might imagine their child to be someday. This is and should be an excruciatingly difficult decision. I don't think it's anyone's place try to help anyone find "peace" with it beforehand. They need to find their own peace with it, if they can, and if they can't, then they shouldn't place.

My BM has a 4 year old and a 19 mo old. (my baby is 5 mo). The 4 year old actually has a better grasp than I would have thought. The BM made sure she knew all along and she went to the Dr appointments with us. She made us and her a part of it. My big problem is that I worry that the sibs will resent my son. The bdad calls him "Richie Rich" around the other 2 because of what we can provide. I hate it, I'm prepared for it, but I know I can't change it. Open Adoptions are great, but they have their issues, I guess. I will always make sure my little man knows his sibs, but I will give him age appropriate info as to why they MAY make comments. I will also supervise these visits carefully. I'm curious about other answers....

You guys may want to seriously consider calling "your birthmom" your child's birthmother instead. It was very confusing to understand the relationship in the original post until I reached the sentence about "other adoptive parents." She's not your birth mother...she's your child's birth mother.

Thank you, Raven, I wanted to say something about that, too, but didn't due to recent comments on another thread. @op: I'm not sure who your post is aimed at, actually. I saw it on the daily roundup, but it is on the section addressing adults who've been adopted. Are you looking primarily for adoptive parent input? If so, you might want to try re-posting in the Adoptive Parents section. FWIW, I am the mother of a relative child we adopted out of foster care. Again, I would stress to you that the child's feelings are valid and need to be listened to, not put "at peace" by outsiders but validated, heard, and taken to heart by her family. The baby to be born is her brother and her parents' son and this decision is theirs alone to struggle through.

Not sure what advice you are seeking, but I did want to jump on and make a point about your use of the the birthmother. From your post, I gather she is an expectant mother who is considering an adoption plan, and has matched with you. Please be careful using that language. She is a pregnant woman like any other, and may very well decide to parent her baby. My intent is not chastise you, just gently correct inapproprate use of the term "birthmother."