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So i found the woman who was the intermediary in my private adoption and we talked for almost an hour. Well, she did most of the talking! turns out she is the niece of my late step grandfather! So, in a way, she IS family!
the most important thing she told me...was that my mother loved me, she held me, she talked to me, she dressed me one time, putting me into my first outfit. she cried the whole time she was talking to me... saying that maybe she was selfish to persue her dreams without me, but i would not have the life i so deserved if she kept me... This is HUGE. Even if i don't find her...i am more at peace, somehow, knowing that she held me and told me those things. :-D It's bittersweet. It's wonderful. It's nerve racking. It's upsetting. but most of all... it was worth the KNOWING!
I will post as I find out more... and perhaps find her!!!
Thanks!:love:
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Thank you, ladies, for your replies and support.
Yes, i did get some peace when i heard that she held me, said she loved me, and changed me into my first outfit. *sigh* It feels like a new beginning, in a way.. like i may just have a renewed sense of hope that i may indeed find her... But if I don't, it means the world to know all that.
I just wish it was a little easier, or for some answers we had that infamous "easy button".. not to give me all the answers, but just to help.. to point me in the right direction..to guide my search compass, as it is.
yes, it is a hard, emotional, trying road..but i have never thought about completely quitting my search! I may let it become "inactive" for a month or so.. or even a few, but i always come back to it..to finding her...so i can complete Me...
Peace... it's nice to have a little of it...it helps close that wound that is inside all of us.. the wound that appears when we are separated from our birthmothers, whether we recognize it at 18, 28, or 38.. like me....
Thank you for the well wishes, too; it means more than you know!!