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I am a 36 year old, married mother of 2 who is looking to contact 3 half brothers. I met my birth parents when I was 18 years old (they are not together and they were very young when I was born). I was adopted my a couple that gave me a fantastic life. I could not have asked for anything better but I am an only child and now with children of my own I would like to connect somehow with my 3 half brothers and Facebook makes it very tempting. They are younger (all in their early 20's) and they have no idea about me although we met once when they were very little (I was introduced as a "friend of the family"). Does anyone have any ideas on 1. if I should even try to connect, or 2. how to do it (anyone have any good opening lines :-).
Thank you so much. Any input would be very much appreciated. By the way, these are the son's of my biological father. They are the ones that live in the same state I am in. My biological mother, and her other children, is much further away and a relationship would be much more difficult due to more reasons than just the distance
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Do you still have any contact with your bfather? Can you talk to him about having him tell them about you? This can be a VERY difficult subject to broach, and it would probably be a lot better coming from him than from a complete stranger (from their perspective) over Facebook.
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I do not have any contact with him. It has been been about 20 years and I only met him twice. We left it off with "nice to meet you, you seem like you have had a great life, good luck in all you do, and if you need anything (life/death) you can call me but otherwise, enjoy your life". I have not spoken to him since, just because I have not needed anything. I am a professional women, I hold a master's degree and have a very stable home life. I am not looking for a "father" or "brothers", just some kind of connection to siblings. I really have no desire to connect with my bfather, he has a decent life and is clearly very happy, but I feel like something is lacking and I think it is a sibling relationship. :-(
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ellsbells
I have not spoken to him since, just because I have not needed anything.
It sounds to me like you "need" something from him now -- to have him tell your half brothers that you exist. Like I said before, it really would be better coming from him than from you, especially since they don't know you at all, and there's a reasonable chance they won't react well to you telling them. My advice would be to get in touch with your bfather and tell him that you would like to be in touch with your brothers, but that it would be best for everyone involved if he was the one to tell them about you first. Tell him that if he's not willing to, you will tell them, but you want to give him the chance first, in hopes of avoiding all sorts of unpleasantness (them being mad at you, them being mad at him for not telling them about you, etc.). Then, if he's not willing, go ahead and contact them yourself like you told him you would. If it does come to that, though, please be very careful and gentle in how you approach them, so that you have the best possible chance of a good reaction from them and of being able to develop a relationship with them.
Good luck!
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Thanks Dickons! It's good to know I'm not completely off the mark here, and you're someone whose opinions I definitely respect.
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As a half sibling of an adoptee( my elder brother for whom I am still searching,) I'd like to say that if my elder sibling contacted me I would be over the moon, (although that might be influenced by being raised as an only child.) Love is meant to multiply and I really, really wish you the best!
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