Another Visit (Long Thread)

I like option #3 :) Or I would say to Bmom that for this "first" visit outside of the office, you would rather it just be her and her dad, but in the future, you are willing to do one visit a year with other relatives (with the option of adding more if you get more comfortable with that idea).

Option 3 sounds reasonable to me after the last bad experience. Hopefully if the one viist with other people at meeting goes well then maybe ading more visits later would be okay. Take it slow and be honest with the bparents since things having been so well with them. Good luck

I think that if you arent comfortable with all those people coming along i would just tell bmom that you would prefer that it just be her and bdad and that maybe around the kids' birthdays (???) or something, you would allow a visit with the extended family. that way i think you can still have a nice, comfortable visit the rest of the year, and only then once a year there will be all these people and hopefully then the drama wont be so much. I would think thats a reasonable request, but then again, im not in an open adoption so i dont really have any experience. But given the circumstances that you have written, I think the less people the better most of the time. Good Luck, Rach

Thanks for all the replies. We haven't made a decision yet. This is their birthday visit. I just don't know how this will work. Will we pay? Will we pay for everyone or just our family? Do we bring or buy a cake? (The kids will each have one for their birthday parties.) We had pizza at one visit and they paid for it. They always give the kids expensive clothes and gifts but I know that they don't have a lot of money, but I know this will be an awkward moment as we all arrive and try to figure how this will work. We don't have any contact except through our social worker. (I have given her an e-mail address to contact me at. She has chosen not to use it.)

We chose option 3. So March visit came and went and we gave the bfamily two dates to pick from for the visit. They of course did not call the agency back and after calling the agency numerous times on Monday and Tuesday the day of the visits we finally got our social worker to call them and they said that they had a sickness in the family and that they would have to reschedule. I understand that people have emergencies but they never even scheduled the visit after they requested the visit and to have more people come to it. Then they told the agency that they wanted to do it in a few weeks. I just don't know were we draw the line. My husband wants to say, "we told them March, June, Sept, and Dec and that is when the visits will be" I am not sure what to do. Sept 10 visit did not happen because Bmom was having a baby that we had no idea that she was even pregnant. We saw he in June and husband (who has great foresight) mentioned that she looked more pregnant now than when she was 9 month pregnant with "B". The social worker and I hushed him before she came in the room and we moved on. Oct 10 calls and wants to set up a visit and she says she has "H" now and wants to bring him with. We of course say that "H" can come. Visit Scheduled for Nov. 10. good visit no problems Dec 10 Christmas visit....scheduled for 9:30 they arrive at 10:00. We were just getting ready to leave. March 10 above issues. My problem is do we do the visit in April if they call and want to reschedule or do we stick with our preset times. Another thing that makes me sad is that "c" now realizes what town they live in and will make references to Bgrandpa and that he wishes he would see him. My dad accidently told him that he was going to see bgrandpa at Chuck E Cheese so now my son is praying to go to Chuck E Cheese each night cause he wants to see him. What would you tell him? So far we told him that Bgrandpa is busy and will call when he can visit.....I want to make this work with the Bfamily but I don't want to break my kids hearts. "C" should never have know about the visit and my dad feels awful about telling him. My dad is now promising to take him to Chuck E Cheese instead. I know this is nothing compared to what most people on her have went though. It's just we don't have any open adoption people that we know so it hard for everyone else to understand.

We chose option 3. So March visit came and went and we gave the bfamily two dates to pick from for the visit. They of course did not call the agency back and after calling the agency numerous times on Monday and Tuesday the day of the visits we finally got our social worker to call them and they said that they had a sickness in the family and that they would have to reschedule. I understand that people have emergencies but they never even scheduled the visit after they requested the visit and to have more people come to it. Then they told the agency that they wanted to do it in a few weeks. I just don't know were we draw the line. My husband wants to say, "we told them March, June, Sept, and Dec and that is when the visits will be" I am not sure what to do. Sept 10 visit did not happen because Bmom was having a baby that we had no idea that she was even pregnant. We saw he in June and husband (who has great foresight) mentioned that she looked more pregnant now than when she was 9 month pregnant with "B". The social worker and I hushed him before she came in the room and we moved on. Oct 10 calls and wants to set up a visit and she says she has "H" now and wants to bring him with. We of course say that "H" can come. Visit Scheduled for Nov. 10. good visit no problems Dec 10 Christmas visit....scheduled for 9:30 they arrive at 10:00. We were just getting ready to leave. March 10 above issues. My problem is do we do the visit in April if they call and want to reschedule or do we stick with our preset times. Another thing that makes me sad is that "c" now realizes what town they live in and will make references to Bgrandpa and that he wishes he would see him. My dad accidently told him that he was going to see bgrandpa at Chuck E Cheese so now my son is praying to go to Chuck E Cheese each night cause he wants to see him. What would you tell him? So far we told him that Bgrandpa is busy and will call when he can visit.....I want to make this work with the Bfamily but I don't want to break my kids hearts. "C" should never have know about the visit and my dad feels awful about telling him. My dad is now promising to take him to Chuck E Cheese instead. I know this is nothing compared to what most people on here have went though. It's just we don't have any open adoption people that we know so it hard for everyone else to understand. I know it is a long vent...just wanted to get it out there.