advice please!

ok, this advise coming from a kid who hated her dad post divorce and whose mom remarried (multiple times). I would not try to replace her mother. you can be there for her, give her love, and fill in. She may grow up to feel you were her true mom. But wouldn't that be better because she chose that and felt it, rather than because some court ordered it? for me, having forced to accept my dad is my dad, flaws and all was an important one to learn. you haven't mentioned how long you're been married. have you been in your daughter's life since birth? Now, if her other mom would voluntarily TPR, that would be something to consider If you sue for abandonment, there is risk it may prompt BM to get more involved in your lives. Something to consider

You can actually adopt your step daughter on one of two grounds: Willful failure -Meaning that the absent parent's consent is not required if that parent has both failed to support, and failed to communicate with, the child for at least a year, provided there is an order or agreement giving the custodial parent custody of the child. The step-parent has the burden of proving that these facts exist but no independent investigation of these facts is required, the testimony of the natural parent and stepparent will suffice. At that point, the burden is on the absent parent to show good reasons for the failure to support and communicate. If he or she does not or cannot provide a persuasive explanation, the requirement of consent will be dispensed with by the court, and the adoption will proceed as in an independent adoption. All this can be accomplished in one legal proceeding, with only one court hearing. Notice must be given to the absent parent.

Or Out-of-wedlock birth—no “presumed” father. You must be able to prove one of these grounds. The law is very protective of a natural parent’s legal relationship. Only when the parent fails to exercise the responsibilities that go along with this right—to communicate with or support his child—will the courts allow interference. You should also see a lawyer if there is any doubt about your ability to prove the facts, or if you are unsure whether or not sufficient grounds exist. There are some additional grounds (for example, mental illness of one parent) that are not included in our discussion. Because of the specialized nature of these other grounds, you should see a lawyer if you want to use them. I really like to refer people to stepparent-adoption.org [because it helped me alot. Stepparent Adoption: A Resource Book by Wendelyn D. Osorio is a new and revised book from the previous. It has Step by Step procedures on going about many different Stepparent Adoption procedures to terminate the biological parents rights. This book is a timesaver! And well lifesaver too!