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I'm one year in being reunited with my birth mom. I also have a new boyfriend, which technically is my first serious relationship. My birth mom lives 2-3 hrs away and just came to visit recently; she wanted to get to know him and spend time with us. I remember her telling me once that she wanted to get to know him and talk to him and that sometimes she feels left out...Anyway, we had fun. However, the last day she was here she started to act a little funny and distant - I tried talking with her but she didn't want to talk. I'm not sure what's going on but the only thing I could possibly think of is maybe it has to do with my relationship with my boyfriend. Could she may be feeling left out, jealous or something? I'm not sure. Has anyone experienced this before?
Thanks.
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Hmmm, it's really hard to say what is going on. You did ask her and she didn't want to talk about it. Maybe she's not even sure herself what the feelings are about. It's possible that after she spent the time with you and your bf she perhaps felt sad at the possibility of "losing you" to him, given that she will have to share you with your guy and it won't just be you and her as it has been in the past year. But the fact is, she will have to adjust and my guess is she will.
I have not yet met my son in person, but he does have a gf that he lives with. I remember before I knew this, I was hoping he didn't have anyone serious in his life, because I really wanted to get to know him better first before he was emotionally attached to a gf or wife. Then I realized that was kind of silly, because he's emotionally attached to a lot of other people as it is, like his family, friends, etc. and that wouldn't take away from any feelings he'd have toward me or vice versa. Now that I know he has a special someone, I'm actually happy for him that he has her, that he has been able to form a close attachment with a significant other, and I do look forward to meeting her someday. I do understand wanting/needing time alone with my son, too, esp. early in reunion, and I hope his gf is understanding of that. I don't plan on monoplolizing his time, though. I certainly don't want his gf to feel left out.
I would see how your birth mother is the next time you get together. My guess is, she just needs time to adjust. And maybe the two of you can still have some "girl time" to yourselves every now and then, too.
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Okay, I'm going to make a COMPLETELY random connection, so feel free to tell me I'm totally off my rocker. :prop:I'm a birth Mom as well, but my connection to this is actually in my relationship with my fiance. We live about 2 hours away (or in the same house depending on the day!) and thankfully I see him about every weekend these days. But earlier in the relationship, when we'd go a couple weeks or a month without seeing each other, I'd act funny and distant towards the end of our time together. I actually STILL do this to some extent. He's sitting here in our living room right now, but will leave tomorrow for a few days at his other house where he goes to school. And I don't know why, but I just get a little funky. Like I need him to reassure me that he'll see me again or something. Which for us is COMPLETELY ridiculous since we're getting married in October. I get the same way at the end of a vacation too....It's a "good things coming to an end" reaction for me, and I always get a bit melancholy.All that to say, that maybe it's just a behavior that your birth Mom has, and that it's perhaps a little accentuated by your boyfriend because he DOES get to stay and be near you all the time. Again, I could be WAY off, but I really can identify with some of that behavior in my own relationship, so I just thought I'd share. :flowergift: