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I'm an adult adoptee and have been searching for about a year and a half. I have a wonderful adoptive family that supports me with what ever i do. My adoption is closed but, i got in contact with the lady that took care of my birth mother(bm). She had gaven me a name and a picture(not a good one only a side view). I only found a couple of women with my bm's name two are younger then me. I made cantasct with the one lady that i though was my bm. She said it's not her but she wants to be in my life. which seemed strange to me considering that were strangers. I know that it wasn't a good situtaion because she was only 12 when she had me. I kinda have an idea who the father is but i'm not sure. After all my searching i found out that my bm's mother pasted away. I have been in contact with the lady i think is my bm. How do i go about getting the truth out of her. I know that she's not honest with me because the things she tells me doesn't add up to what i have.I don't understand why she would want to be in my life if it's not her? It's driving me crazy, i'm still looking but i think i found her. sometimes i wish she would just tell me it is her but she doean't want anything to do with me. I would be hurt but at least I would know instead of wondering.
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Hello - why don't you ask her outright? Tell her you don't understand why she would want to be in your life unless she was related. Maybe try telling her how important it is to you to find your Bmom and then you decide - if she's not your bmom do you need the freindship?
Is she married now with kids? Maybe shes just having trouble dealing with it all and is not ready to tell others and therefore can't admit it to you.
It sure sounds like she is your bmom so be patient.
You could persue the bfather and let her know you are doing this, that way, if it is er, she will eventually tell you as she will realise it will come out.
Good luck.
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Hi Annom, I don't think she is married but i know she has two kids, I told her from the start that she didn't have to tell anyone it could be between me and her. I think her mom's husband is the father, i have also been looking for him because if he isn't he still knows something. As soon as i found out her name I found her and called her all she wanted to know is if they told me who the father was at that time i didn't know anything. about a year after the phone call i sent her a letter and she found me on facebook, in August it will be a year sicne we stayed in contact on fb. I used to be mad because I didn't understand but now that i know what some of what really happened I feel bad and hope that she's okay. I kinda don't have anything to do but wait and pray that one day we can met and maybe both of us can heal. I think the man that is the biological father pasted away last year before I found out his name. Sometimes I think I'm not met to find out. Thank you.
Well, I think healing is very important to you, as it is to all of us, so don't give up, just be patient. In the meantime amybe you can read books that will help you as well as continuing to post on here. If you want the name of some books I know a couple that have really helped me. For now maybe just stay in touch with her - but just in case it really in't her can you continue to search?
Thank you for your advice, I think reading would help anything you suggest will be helpful. I'm not giving up i'm just frustrated but at the same time i keep reminding myself that she was very young and tramatized by this. I still search but i get no where i'm just hoping that i get a brake. There is an old neighbor i found but she won't talk to me because she didn't get alone with my biological grandma, but that has nothing to do with me. talking about it does help and i'm very thankful for this site.
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