Opinions needed

bumping this up. I'm not sure you'll get anyone admitting they cheated on this board. that's one of those "please judge me" confessions :p ok, except me. When I was in high school, before we lived together or married. The reasons were complicated. i had zero self worth. i didn't feel I COULD say no. I liked that someone liked me. I didn't respect (now) DH because he was loyal to me. my dad was (is) a bully and I was dying for someone to to say i was acceptable. Heck, it might of even had to do with developing early and having adult men pay special attention to me due to my breast size. there was a lot of junk that went into that stupid night. I did not have the adoption link, so i can't speak to that directly. all i can say is - therapy helped immensely. We'd not be together had i not worked out myy baggage. I strongly recommend it. if you can't afford a therapist, look into community programs. Local colleges sometimes have free therapy practiced by doctoral candidates. good luck! And, be prepared for some backlash. It took me a long time to earn back the trust i destroyed.

Can your partner help finance the therapy? If not, I agree that you should look into programs in your community. Some community mental health centers offer counseling on a sliding scale and I imagine there are places that offer it for free. Are you a student? When I was in college, I received free counseling through student services. I had a fabulous counselor who went on to have a successful private practice. I continue to see her when I need help with anything. I can afford her now, though! I would also check out what you can find through self-help (i.e. websites, books, support groups, etc.).

You know the issue. You said it yourself, it's like you sabotage the relationship. Looks like good advice was given as far as seeking therapy you can afford. I understand fully where you are coming from, self-worth, self-esteem, the value you place on yourself are nil and you look at yourself as unworthy of being loved. You didn't say a word about needing the gratification so doubt you do this for the enjoyment of it, but you do so knowing it isn't what you WANT to be doing. Whatever the reasoning, trying to sort it out is going to require more than sharing on this web site. Good luck to you!

Oh, honey. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard. I know. Most of it is not your sabotaging relationships. I can't believe that someone would say that. How about people who clearly see there is self worth issue and take ADVANTAGE of that? There are so many people out there that truly just take what they hope will be offered. If anyone has any brains about them, they can see an adult adoptee has issue that are very sensitive and they manipulate those to their benefit. Therapy can be great but again, I have even been manipulated there as well. I can't afford therapy right now either but see if you can find one who works on a sliding scale. If not, look for a place that specializes in PTSD (which more than likely you carry some form) but see if you can find one that is run by an organization like Pathways or Helping Hands. Ususally there are some that are like a free clinic. Also, speak frankly to the person you go see. Let them know this might be a last resort for you. Tell them you are not seeking a therapist for short-term and if they don't have the guts to stick with you then don't even start. I am sending you hugs!

Look around your area, most large Churches, the larger the more likely have counseling available on a sliding or free basis. If you don't get help your pattern will likely continue in your next relationship as well. Also try calling some women's shelters and ask for recommendations.