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My wife and I have now been waiting for a little girl since we submitted our dossier in March 2009. We have only received one referral in this two-year period, which we had to turn down for significant medical issues. We have been told by our agency that it has been all "boys and siblings" coming out of Poland, and that is why we have not had success. Any feedback or ideas are greatly appreciated.
PZ
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Wish I could give some advice or feedback....but I can't :(. How difficult and frustrating! Waits are seeming longer now, but I never would have imagined 2 years. I complain about waiting 13 months for our daughter's referral in 2008-09 (and then the six or seven months it took to get her home). All I can say is that I know when people are matched...all of the families just know that they were perfectly and purposefully matched with their child. That, of course, is all hindsight and doesn't make it any easier now. All my best to you!!
pmzylber - I'm sorry you've had to wait so long. I know that time when you have nothing else to do to keep you busy often makes you question your decision, your criteria, your fate as a parent (ok, well it has for me, anyway!). May will be 3 years since we started trying to adopt. For a year we pursued independent domestic adoption, and we had 4 young women change their minds. Luckily, they all changed their minds before we ever had a chance to take a baby home. But in hindsight I realize that none of those situations was really right for us. Then we started looking into foster care, and inquired on over 50 waiting kids. We figured surely if we expand our criteria, that'll speed things along. We thought, maybe we're being too picky. We upped our age and constantly revisited the race question. In November we had our application filled out and were writing out the check to sign with a fost-adopt agency when I got them on the phone to ensure we'd have a shot. Turns out our idea of "older child" was just ever so slightly too young. Also in November, we thought we finally got it right - we were told of an opportunity to host an older child from Colombia (we had wanted to adopt a Hispanic child), with the possibility of adopting them. We almost didn't contact them bc we were so sure that if we did, we'd have our kid the next month! (They sent kids for hosting over Christmas break and in the summer). But alas, depending on who we talked to, they had a different idea of what the minimum age of these kids was, and it seemed that no matter how accomodating we thought we were being, someone always wanted us to be "a little more flexible".
At that point we looked back and realized how far we've stretched our preference criteria in the hopes of speeding up the process. Not to say that we wouldn't have loved any of those kids that crossed our paths ever so briefly... but they were not our "ideal", and therefore we wouldn't have been their "ideal" either. We shook it off and reassessed what we were really looking for, what kind of child we would be the best equipped to parent, which child would most benefit from our particular parenting style... and we decided to cut our losses and start fresh yet again, biting the bullet and signing with an agency for international adoption. (Cost was a major hurdle for us for those first 2.5 years)
People assume that we haven't waited yet bc we just signed with our current agency to start international adoption a few months ago. But this is our third try, the third type of adoption that we're trying. And no amount of effort on our part has brought us our child. Like someone else mentioned here, you're not waiting for just any child - you're waiting for YOUR daughter, and you have no way of knowing when she will be ready for you. Maybe she was just being born when you first filed your dossier. And then maybe her birth family tried to take care of her for a time only to realize they couldn't do it. And then of course social services was obliged to try to find her an adoptive family in Poland for a year. So maybe she's just now being transferred to the international adoption list...
Hang in there, she's coming.
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