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Hi my name is Nicole and I'm 22. Here's my story.
When I was 13 my dad mysteriously walked out of my life, no explanation. I battled serious depression issues never having an answer to why. My mom had suspected that he was battling mental issues.
He died this past December (2010). The day he died, I called his new wife to find out why she did not want me to attend his funeral [found this out thru family, although was not given a reason]. When I called her, she completely snapped, called me every name in the book, and said, verbatim "Wake up and smell the coffee b----, you're adopted." I dropped the phone and sobbed for hours. I pulled myself together as best as I could and confronted my A mom. She cried for literally thirty seconds and changed the subject. I found out that my b mom is my mom's sister who has been in my life my entire life, just as my aunt. Nothing has been said about this situation since.
Granted I still see my a mom as mom and my b mom as aunt, this is really messing me up. I'm ashamed, upset, I feel betrayed, my schooling is trashed, I'm depressed, and I don't know what to do to get my head back on straight. I'm so far in a black hole right now.
Something I really want to say to A parents that might be reading this, please be open with your kids! You have no idea how hard it is finding out later in life.
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Hi Nicole,
what a horrible way to find out *hugs*
Sometimes the last night posts get lost. I'm bumping this up so the adoptees see it.
As an AM (though I can't imagine ever hiding it), my instinct is to beg you to clear the air with her... let her know you know.
But the adoptees will have a much more appropriate insight
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I did not find out that way but I can relate when my adopted dad passed away I as the oldest met the mourners at the door, when my dad's brother arrived I overheard him talking to one of my dad's friends and the friend said I thought he had more children and my dad's brother said O he has 2 other kids they are adopted and dont count...my adopted dad never treated me different and I that hurt and I was in my 40's and then all of a sudden felt about 10 and alone so bless you and hugs
Nicolep0727
Hi my name is Nicole and I'm 22. Here's my story.
When I was 13 my dad mysteriously walked out of my life, no explanation. I battled serious depression issues never having an answer to why. My mom had suspected that he was battling mental issues.
He died this past December (2010). The day he died, I called his new wife to find out why she did not want me to attend his funeral [found this out thru family, although was not given a reason]. When I called her, she completely snapped, called me every name in the book, and said, verbatim "Wake up and smell the coffee b----, you're adopted." I dropped the phone and sobbed for hours. I pulled myself together as best as I could and confronted my A mom. She cried for literally thirty seconds and changed the subject. I found out that my b mom is my mom's sister who has been in my life my entire life, just as my aunt. Nothing has been said about this situation since.
Granted I still see my a mom as mom and my b mom as aunt, this is really messing me up. I'm ashamed, upset, I feel betrayed, my schooling is trashed, I'm depressed, and I don't know what to do to get my head back on straight. I'm so far in a black hole right now.
Something I really want to say to A parents that might be reading this, please be open with your kids! You have no idea how hard it is finding out later in life.
I am so sorry you found out this way, my heart goes out to you. I'm in the same situation as to being at a loss of why A parents think it is better to lie.
You are you, you do not need to carry the burden of their lies, that is about them, not you. Find your outlet, search until you find something that helps you to deal for me it is writing but I recommend counseling as another way to help deal.
Good luck and I am so sorry about your loss and all you are having to deal with.
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Hey thank you all so much for the support!!! So I'm definitely going to go to see a counselor to talk things out and get some insight on how to approach this. Also, I am interested in trying to make contact with my bio dad if my aunt knows who he is. I am mostly curious to see what he looks like and if he has any other kids. I found out he is Irish/Italian. One thing that really hurts me, which might sound weird is what I wanted to find out first. I grew up thinking I was 100% Italian and when I asked what I was I was a little upset. Don't ask me why, the only thing I can relate it to is when people found out their zodiac sign changed and freaked out. It's just one of those things! Anyways, I probably will have better luck talking to my aunt then my A mom because my A mom is totally uncomfortable talking to me about this.
I just want to say that this website has really helped me out. To hear from every side of the situation and read through your stories really REALLY helps! You all are very amazing people I have to say!!
You sound so positive! I'm so glad to hear you're working through the emotions. You may find all sorts of new feelings bubble up intensely, then are gone the next week. It's wonderful that you can talk to your birth mom, your aunt, openly. Does she have any more kids? Can you find out why your A mom is uncomfortable? You didn't deserve to be told you were adopted that way. Could it be your A mom feels guilty for not telling you sooner? As you said, the pain is much sharper the later you learn. Had they ever intended to tell you?-T, a birth mom
@ Tatoosh.. you totally hit the nail right on the head. One week ill be very depressed about it, the next curious, the next confused.. it's like all these emotions come out, it almost makes you feel crazy because week by week it's different. Thank you for affirming that this is not abnormal!! I thought I was losing my mind!!!
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