Do all Russian Adoptees have FAS/FAE?

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]A Surprise Special Needs Child…[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I will start with qualifying this… I love both of my children more than words could ever express, I do not regret either of my adoptions, both of my children are very special in their own unique ways, and I thank God for blessing me and my family with the experiences and knowledge gained through our two journeys to Russia and once home. I have grown in ways I never thought possible and am truly honored to call them my son and daughter. I believe most of us who are in this boat feel the same.[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]But this has been something I keep meaning to talk about… as the mom of one of the above mentioned children…a surprise special needs son. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]So often we all read and most of us have said, I want a healthy child…I do not feel adopting a special needs child would be in the best interest of my family or the potential future child. Then we turn around and adopt from Russia…a country with a high rate of alcohol consumption, a high rate of true alcoholism, a high rate of poverty, a very different attitude and belief system in regard to pregnancy and raising children, a cultural bias toward orphans…a country that spends just one single penny per day to support the children we adopt. We adopt children who are from orphanages, who if nothing else suffer from passive neglect and in many cases outright abuse and neglect. Often these children were unwanted from conception, suffered prenatal abuse and neglect. These children are under stimulated, under or malnourished, have medical issues…both known and unknown...they are delayed…the list goes on and on. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]In other words…all the kids have the very real potential of being special needs. Yet, it so often goes un-talked about. It is so much easier to talk about the happy ending. But it is very important to talk this openly and honestly. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I’ll share our story now…the ‘good’ one and the ‘bad’ one. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]In February 2002 we were referred a 6 month old baby girl who was a high risk and very sick little girl…even though we had requested a healthy as young as possible baby. At that point age was very important to us as well as the fact that she had been voluntarily relinquished at birth and was already available for adoption…so she was referred to us. She was hospitalized…very tiny…very high risk and those horrible 9 pictures we got somehow won over my heart. We accepted her referral without even consulting an IA doctor…we did arrange for Dr Downing to travel from Moscow to Siberia to examine her. However, the minute she was brought into the room on our first trip…she was ours-regardless of what Dr Downing had to say the next day. He was now being used for us to try to figure out a plan of attack once home. Somehow this 11 pound almost 8 month old was not delayed but advanced; she was a survivor and more importantly a fighter. She was very ill…much more ill than we knew at the time…she had bladder, kidney and lung issues…she was malnourished and on our 2nd trip 14 weeks later had not grown or gained any weight…nothing at all. The judge in the region did not understand why we would take ‘such a sick one.’ ‘Why not let her die and pick a healthier one.’ We had to fight to be granted the adoption. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]In the end the adoption was granted and to make a very long story short…our daughter was dying at the time of her adoption. But major kidney surgery, a stint in the PICU, and some of the strongest antibiotics known to man saved our DD. And once she healed from that surgery…that little girl only moved forward. She was the easiest baby, toddler and child and until this year…showed on ill effects from that first year of life. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]So, in late 2003 when we talked about adopting again we REALLY wanted a healthy as young as possible baby…again already off the registry and voluntarily relinquished…another little girl. So in December 2003 we were referred a 4 month old who met all the criteria except one…she was a he. We had him evaluated by a top IA doctor because after our experience with DD…we really wanted to avoid having the health issues and hospitalizations since we already had a toddler at home. He was listed as ‘a low risk, happy and healthy but skinny’ baby boy by this well respected IA determined from the medicals and two videos (about 9 minutes worth) we had sent him. This child was in a great region and really had a good background…zero red flags.[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I will spare the all the details…but this child was the exact opposite of what the doctor found…well he was and still is skinny. My baby boy was placed in my arms for good the day after he turned 8 months old. For the next 2.5 years we fought and finally can now say we won the attachment disorder (not attachment struggles or issues but AD) battle…and he has been home 3.5 years. The first 11 months home our son hated his father…he screamed as if he were being tortured if his Daddy came near him. In fact he screamed unless I and I alone were holding him. That first year was a living nightmare…it was hell on earth. The next year just sucked. Yes, my baby who was just 8 months old had severe struggles on the attachment front…any child can have attachment issues…even babies adopted at birth. Living with and healing an attachment disordered child sucked the life right out of me. As I have stated many times…it is like being pecked to death by a chicken…lots of little behaviors that make you nuts. It’s not the big issues that get to you; it is the constant, daily battles over and with the little things. Many days I thought ‘what have I done’, ‘why me/us’, ‘I don’t even like this child how can I ever really love him’ and many other things I am ashamed to admit. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]We found out on his first doctor’s visit here that he has Nystagmus (an eye condition that typically causes the children to be legally blind…with no cure or treatment), he was hospitalized in the PICU for a week 10 days after coming home, he was very sick the first 23 months home…had several surgeries…literally was at the doctor’s office several times per month…didn’t sleep through the night until he was home 23 months. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]He is now 4.25 and is labeled significantly developmentally delayed… has severe speech impairment…and he has sensory processing issues as well…all of which took over a year of fighting to finally get the right diagnoses. We do not know the full story on his vision but he is able to function in a normal sized-well lit room and he has very poor night vision…who knows how that will impact his life as he ages. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]He is in a special needs pre-K right now…6 hours per day…5 days per week. Plus additional speech and occupational therapies as well as some visits to the psychologist earlier this year. He will not be able to enter a mainstream kindergarten next year…but I thank God that our school district has a great special needs program…something the vast majority of families have to fight tooth and nail for or pay out of pocket for. However due to our financial situation I also don’t know how long we can keep him in this school and thus this great program. In our huge school district…this one single school is the only one that has this specific program that is actually helping him.[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]The impact of this has been devastating to every other aspect of our lives…my DD has suffered immensely, my health has been damaged by 2 years of sleep deprivation, our finances took huge hits due to my son’s inability to be in day care (and thus my inability to earn any income) and the out of pocket costs we have incurred trying to help heal him, and finally my marriage is beginning to look as if it may not survive...[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I worry about his future, a lot. I worry that we have not gotten to the bottom of his issues…I worry that the next diagnosis will be the dreaded alcohol related one…FAS/FAE/ARND/ARDD or whatever other group of letters. I was and actually still am able to look at my now 4 year old and say everything will be OK…but OK has taken on a whole new meaning now. I know that my son will have a different ‘normal’ than most kids…I know different is OK but some days I don’t want to have to remind myself of that. I just want to be normal, not for me…but for him. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Usually I am OK with this twist of fate…but some days, like today, I am simply angry. Why did it have to be me, why our family, *why our son*? Why does my child continue to have impulsivity issues? Why do I get a knot in my stomach every day when I open his folder from school to see what today was like? Why do I have to know all about IEP’s, attachment disorder, sensory integration, fetal alcohol issues? Some days are still so difficult and I often wonder when will it ever get better? Or worse yet, what if it never gets better…what if these are the best days right now?[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Of course, after typing all this…I look up at a picture of my little boy and see his quirky, happy, silly smile, his beautiful blue eyes full of love and happiness, and my heart aches to get home and hug him again. My little guy has overcome more in his 4 years of life than most people face in a lifetime…and you know what he is happy, he is loving, he is my son and I am his mama. I get his hugs, his kisses…I get to admire his strength and perseverance…to see what it truly means to enjoy life. Yes, it was a surprise to suddenly be thrust into this role…but I have learned so much. My special son has taught me so much about life…I appreciate so many simple things that before him I honestly took for granted. I have learned that a hard earned giggle was worth 500 sleepless nights…that the river of tears we both cried would suddenly be forgotten the first time he told me he loved me…that the hands that once bruised and bloodied me would soon be replaced by the gentle strokes of love and my heart would melt at his touch…the eyes that once avoided mine would suddenly look deeply into mine for approval. I have learned that every battle will be won…we may not have the victory we initially desired but we will find a way not to lose. I have learned that being a mom to a special needs child, while very difficult at times is truly a labor of love. The harder we fight for each success the more we savor the victory. The further we sink into temporary despair the higher we get to soar in joy. That the hundreds of days that I never thought we would make it through are now replaced with time passing too quickly when we are together. That the baby I struggled to even like fills my heart with more love than I ever thought was possible.[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Adopting a special needs child was never my intention…it is certainly not right for every family…but every family that adopts a child with so many unknowns needs to be prepared for the very real possibility that their ‘healthy as possible child’ will in actuality be a very special child…whose needs are above and beyond the norm. That different really is OK. It is just different. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]International adoption is as Forest Gump once said…”[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS] Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.”[/FONT]

My husband and I are just starting our adoption journey. Our home study is in two weeks. We are interested in adopting from Russia; however, I heard some really disturbing news today. A friend told me that her friend has adopted two children from Russia. Both of them have FAS. That friend also has a network of Russian Adoption Parents and they all received children with varying degrees of FAS. My friend said that the Russian authorities will lie about the history of the mother's alcohol abuse and that even your agency here in the US will lie about the really high odds that your child will have been exposed to alcohol during pregnancy. IS THIS TRUE? Do all children adopted from Russia have some degree of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?