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Hello!! I am new to this board and I was very excited to find this group. My husband and I (both AA) are in the process of adopting. We are working with a non-profit group that does social service placement but also does some birthmother selected adoptions. I would love your input on a couple of questions we have.
1. Private vs. Public We choose social service adoption because we felt like it was the place we needed to be and because the two private agencies we meet with rubbed us the wrong way (both seemed more excited by our ability to provide money to birthmothers than providing good homes to children). We can afford either (not bragging just providing information) and we are wondering if we need to investigate more private agencies to increase our chances of placement. We are looking to adopt and infant and would like to adopt more than one child.
2. Birthmother Gift The first question will seem silly after this one. Our profile has been selected by a birthmother who wants to meet us. Our social worker says its customary to bring a gift for birthmom. HAS ANYONE HEARD OF THIS? It seems a little phony to give a gift to a stranger in the hopes they will give you something in return. I also wouldn't want to give her something that would only make her feel sad everytime she looked at it. IF ANYONE HAS HEARD OF IT WHAT DO YOU GIVE?
3. Would be interested in any private agencies suggestions you might have? If you PM me the information you need to make such a suggestion I can provide.
4. Has anyone used an adoption consultant? What do they do?
Thanks for taking the time to provide any thoughts you have.
Beachy
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I did a private domestic adoption (will PM you the agency name). When I was matched I did *not* bring a gift, that seems a bit odd to me as well. This particular mom decided to parent. When I was selected by my DD birthmom, I did not meet her beforehand... so no gift here either. I think you're right to feel a bit uncomfortable about the gift idea. After placement, my agency did enourage me to buy a nice picture frame and include a picture of DD. I did and they mailed it to her. So happy for you and your husband. Best of luck to you!
We did a gift after placement. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate... just something thoughtful. We gave DD's bmom a bracelet with three murano glass hearts on it. DD was her third child so it would symbolize her 3 kids. She had not told anyone about DD so it was something she could keep with her and no one would know what it meant but her. No gift should be given when you are first meeting a emom.
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Thought I better provide an update. In a very strange story I met the lovely birth mom and her family. We spent about 8 hours chatting and getting to know each other. I did bring her a gift that symbolized something we had in common. When I gave it too her I said, "I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable.". She also had a gift for me!! Had a good laugh about that since we both had planned not to give them if seemed too weird.She signed her Tpr that weekend and we brought baby home next day. we are so sad for bm to have to make this choice but overjoyed to be able to parent beautiful baby girl.
