Birthmom posting pics on Facebook??

The name I wouldn't worry about....but personally I wouldn't want my family photos posted on facebook unless I chose to do it!

Thanks for your replies. I will definately screen what I send going forward. I was trying to keep her in mind, wanting her to see how much our child is loved. I don't want to ruin the relationship, as you mention, because someday, my child may want to meet her. I don't want there to be any bad blood between us. I am glad that I am not alone in my thinking. thank you both again for responding.

We have run into this too, more so with the birth father. He posted our daughter's pic as his profile pic even. I do screen the photos we send, (I don't send many of her alone) and I did once ask him to keep them private. He is a bit older, a tad socially awkward, and doesn't have many friends on FB so I haven't made a big issue of it... but it does bother me. He also calls her by another name (she's only 3 but she does not like it, she LOVES her real name).

Thank you...looks like there is not much I can do but really screen what I send. I appreciate the replies!!

I have a blog set up for dd for her birth mom to see. On alot of the photos I put a word written across the photo in a shadow photo copy type thing so that birth mom can't claim the pic as hers like she was doing. It bothered on some pics and that's why I do it now, I never said anything to her just started typing a word across the photo. Makes me feel better and everyone can see the photo on the blog

Even if you screen what you send, the pictures could be cropped and enlarged to include only your child. It's fairly easy to do. Without asking that she not post pictures of your child, I would suggest you have a friend look up the birth mother on FB (someone who is friended to you but not to her), and see if that person can see any of the pictures the birth mother has on her profile. I set my preferences on FB to Friends Only. Some people do not screen who can see their photos at all, and some people choose "Friends of friends".IF your friended friend cannot see any pictures then I wouldn't really worry about it so much, because that would me only her friends can see the pictures. But, if your friend can see the pictures, she either has it set to Friends of Friends or wide open. If that's the case, (if it were me) I would politely suggest that she changes her preferences to Friends Only (not Friends of Friends nor Open) for viewing.Of course, even if she has it set to Friends Only, you can't control who she has as friends, but at least you would know that the people seeing the pictures would be limited, providing she doesn't have 200-300 people as FB friends.

I remember reading a similar thread a couple months back and it was the first time I ever even thought about privacy issues in this way. Honestly, I've never posted a picture of my son (except on a protected post on my blog) but I have posted pictures of other people, including other people's kids without a second thought. My guess is she wants to show off to her friends this incredibly important person in her life, show them how well she is doing, etc. She probably has no clue you would have an issue with her posting them. If I was you I would figure out what exactly your concern is, if it's who can see them you can check her privacy settings as a PP suggested and if she let's everyone see them ask her to limit the pictures to her friends only. If it's that she's posting other family members you can specifically mention that as an issue and hopefully she'll limit what pictures she posts. If it's posting in general than maybe there is another method where she could show off pictures to people without it being on facebook (a flickr account for instance) where people couldn't happen upon it. But it seems to me being direct about what your concern is will give her a chance to change some things without you limiting what pictures you send her.

Personally I would not be happy with any public photos, because I don't put public photos of my children or myself up - I'm quite security conscious about names and photos. If they were on a closed account (so not viewable to the general public) that would be differentIt really depends on your relationship, but if the photos were public, I would politely ask they be made private (then don't post public pictures yourself)Also yes, screening pictures is probably a good idea

OMG, I haven't been on the site forever but was looking for just this type of situation about social networking and photos in time for mother's day to decide what to send for post adoption contact. I have discovered a while back that my adoptive children are on birthmother's myspace page and are called by their birthnames and not their legal names. There also is no mention of their adoption status and seem to be presented as her little ones. It is disturbing to say the lease but not surprising because it was a foster/adopt and she had mental health issues from the start. I don't want to not send her any photos but do not know how to stop this behavior.

This is not at all unusual I don't think. To her, they are her children and she thinks of them with the names she gave them. You can ask her not to post pics of your kids if you don't want them up there, but we really can't control how the bparents think of and refer to the kids they relinquished (or had taken away). This is one of the hardest things about adoption in the social networking era! I remember being shocked when I saw a pic of DS's bdad barechested with DS's name tattoed on his chest (with the middle name they gave him, although we kept his first name). It was a shocker to me but I soon realized that he could process it in any way he wanted, and that he was under no obligation to tell others about the fact that he placed his child for adoption or anything else. I reread this post and I apologize that it sounds kind of preachy. I really don't mean it that way. Sometimes it is hard to convey tone on the intetnet...I wish you the best!

If it were me, I think I'd be direct. Do you let other people post pics of your kids? If so, I'd have a hard time asking bmom to stop (not saying you don't have the right to ask her to stop, I would just have a hard time doing that). However, no one is allowed to post pics of my kids online. It's a standing rule my whole family knows about. My sisters post pics of their kids online, but they know I'm more strict about it and they don't post pics of my kid online. If they accidentally slip and I see one on their page (as in if they are posting a bunch of pics and they have one in there that they forgot to take out of all our kids together), I just send them a note and politely ask them to take the pic of my kid off, and they do. So in this situation, I would tell bmom that I don't allow pics of my kids online and if she wants me to continue to send her electronic pics, she has to stop posting them on facebook. It would be very difficult to have this conversation, because I do realize that birth children are very important in their bparents' lives. But if my kid's bparents kept posting pictures, I would probably start sending them hard copies in the mail. They could still scan them in, but it would make it harder. I'd also not have a problem contacting facebook to have pictures removed. This is only because I don't post pics of my kids online period, and I would hold my own family to this standard as well (i.e. I'd also report my mom and request facebook remove a pic if she ignored my requests). I'd have a hard time taking that kind of stance if I let others in my life post pics of my kids.

My DD's bmom as well as some of her family are FB friends with me. We are both comfortable with each other posting pics of O and either of our family members. It has never been an issue and never discussed. It did and still a tiny bit now bothers me when she puts herself and O as her profile pic. But I know she doesn't mean any harm by it. She loves O and is very proud of her and I know wants to show her off to her friends and family. We have a very open and wonderful relationship. At first S (bmom) would call O by the name she gave her at birth but now calls and referrs to her on FB the name we gave her. O's bmom shortly after O was born got a big tattoo on her arm of the tree of life and on one of the branches is O's original birth initials ESK. That was her dedication to O. That made me a little sad at first but things don't bother me nearly as much as they did at first. Bmom is just a kid herself and has her own way of expressing feelings ect.... If it really bothers you about the pics be open and tell her how you feel or get a 3rd party like a SW to tell her for you. I did that on an issue we had this winter.