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I was born May 15th, 1982 and was given up for adoption immediatly, I was moved to a foster home and was there until my adoption was finalized on June 15th, 1982. I have wonderful adoptive parents and they gave me a wonderful life, but I have always wondered who my birth parents were and if I have any sibilings. I can remeber my parents telling me early on when I was probably around the age of 8 that I was adopted and what adoption was. I was always told that when I turned eighteen that they did not have a problem if I wanted to search for my birth mother. I did not start looking until I became a single mom at the age of twenty and with my son having medical problems I wanted to know my medical history and wanted to know who my birth mom was. I am now twenty eight and found out that my birth mom did not sign a piece of paper saying she wanted to be found. So, my son is almost nine and we still do not know where some of his medical issues come from. I am not mad at my adoptive parents, but I am mad at my birth mom for not wanting to be found. On the other hand, I gave my baby girl up for adoption almost three years ago and it was the best thing I could have done for her. It is an open adoption and I get updates on her all the time and she is so sweet and fits right in with her adoptive family. I met the man of my dreams six months later and less than a year later we were married and now have an eleven month old little boy. Our boys are the light of our life and keep us very busy.
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Just because she didn't sign a form saying she wanted to be found doesn't mean that she doesn't want to be found. A lot of birthmothers don't even know that they can sign a form saying they want to be found. Some birthmothers were told, especially in the 60s/70s, that their child would have no interest in finding them and that they shouldn't ever go looking for them.
It is only if they sign a form saying they specifically DON"T want to be found that you can be sure that they don't want to be found.
Btw have you checked all the registries? She may not have signed a form but may have put her name down in a registry. There is a search facility on A.com, have you checked there?
knflaherty
I was born May 15th, 1982 and was given up for adoption immediatly, I was moved to a foster home and was there until my adoption was finalized on June 15th, 1982. I have wonderful adoptive parents and they gave me a wonderful life, but I have always wondered who my birth parents were and if I have any sibilings. I can remeber my parents telling me early on when I was probably around the age of 8 that I was adopted and what adoption was. I was always told that when I turned eighteen that they did not have a problem if I wanted to search for my birth mother. I did not start looking until I became a single mom at the age of twenty and with my son having medical problems I wanted to know my medical history and wanted to know who my birth mom was. I am now twenty eight and found out that my birth mom did not sign a piece of paper saying she wanted to be found. So, my son is almost nine and we still do not know where some of his medical issues come from. I am not mad at my adoptive parents, but I am mad at my birth mom for not wanting to be found. On the other hand, I gave my baby girl up for adoption almost three years ago and it was the best thing I could have done for her. It is an open adoption and I get updates on her all the time and she is so sweet and fits right in with her adoptive family. I met the man of my dreams six months later and less than a year later we were married and now have an eleven month old little boy. Our boys are the light of our life and keep us very busy.
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Welcome to the forums... Please do not believe what the lawyer told you until you are told that by your mother. Many lies are told by those who disapprove of searching. That is a pat phrase. Also recognise that feelings change and something that traumatic could cause someone to react that way. Many will be in the denial stage of grief at that time and 5, 10, 20 years later want to know what happened. I would have to hear it from her before I believed it. And it may provide you with info on your kids that you need. What state were you adopted in? Kind regards,Dickons
I was told by the lawyer's office that handled my adoption that she told them she wasn't going to sign that paper because she wanted to forget she ever had me. "That part of my life never happened and I don't want it to come back and haunt me later in life" were her exact words.
As a young, impressionable, helpless birthmother, I found many of the feeling I had and thoughts I communicated were muddled by stories and the agendas of the adults around me. It's possible your birthmother meant to not be found and still feels that way. It's possible she secretly wants to be found. So many things change. If you are drawn to search for her, then you should be true to that feeling. Prepare yourself for whatever you may find. I wish you the best.-T
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Believe me I understand the feelings of being a birth mom too. I was already a single mom of an active 5 1/2 yr old and found myself pregnant again and decided adoption was the best thing for my unborn child. I have a great open adoption with my almost 3 yr old beautiful baby girl and her adoptive parents are wonderful. So, I understand both sides of adoption.
You can apply to Iowa for your non-identifying info that may include some medical history. You can also and should consider filing with the mutual consent registry. Details can be found at the link below. [url=http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/iowa-laws.html]Iowa Adoption Laws[/url] Kind regards,Dickons