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I'm looking for the parents who have been there and done that and can give me some guidance.
Both of the kids are in kindergarten. The last few months the kids have been coming home with questions about language...what does this mean and is it appropriate. We've heard the garden variety of profanity which the kids actually spelled out the best they could instead of saying it. The teacher handled it each time and said it was inappropriate. All this is new for them because we don't use profanity as well as none of our families. Well... last week DD came home and told me a boy in her class used the n-word. DD had tears in her eyes when she told me about it. Somehow she got that it was something really bad in how the boy used it and thought she had done something wrong. I did not see this coming in kindergarten. There are only two AA kids in DD's class. I find it interesting that this word didn't come up until after the class pictures went home. Now parents can see who their kids classmates are and put a face with a name. The boy used it one day and then the next day he had two more boys using it. So here's DD upset again with tears in her eyes. DD has had drama with this boy since school started. He's called her names before and hit her. The teacher made him write her an apology the time he hit her. I have been trying to get a read on the situation since it all started last fall and couldn't figure out if he liked her or not. Well... I guess him using the n-word settled that debate. This boy rounded out the week by calling a girl on a video they watched in class "smoking hot." He's 6 years old.... :grr:
Second thing... there's a girl at school calling my DD fat. DD is not fat. I do not want DD to get a distorted body image from whoever is saying this. Frankly I'm dying to find out who this is so I can make sure this is stopped. I told DD she is not fat and not to worry about it but I still feel the need to get a message to the source that name calling is wrong. This girl is in the after school program with DD and is in first grade.
What age did you deal with this and how did you handle it? What does the teacher normally do about this? Before I run to the school and act a fool...
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As a teacher, I would absolutely want to know if someone in my class was using the N-word!! I can guarantee you that I would be having a conference with the child, with the parents, and probably with the Principal of the school. That is completely unacceptable.
I am assuming the teacher doesn't know or she should have contacted you. That is truly disgusting in my opinion that a child that young would use that kind of language.
As for the girl...that's a bit different I think. It's not nice and it's not OK, but I think I would just mention it to the afterschool teachers and let them handle it. You just keep reinforcing to your daughter that she is beautiful...and what others say does not matter!
Best of luck...
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I'm so sorry that this has happened to your dd. That is just horrible. As for the n word, that is very serious and I would be calling the principal of the school asap. You need to get that boys parents in there for a meeting. They need to know the seriousness of the situation.
Also. I would not let the girl who called her fat slide either. That is so mean and can be very damaging to your dds self esteem. I would let the after care folks know what happened and ask that her parents be notified.
Ugh! your poor DD. Terrible at anytime, and for sure for a little 5 year-old. The usage of the N word definitely a go to the principal thing, with the teacher knowing. I would make sure to relay that the teacher has handled the classmate prior, but this is a highly offensive situation. Bullying/racial slurs etc is usually a no tolerance issue.One parent told me of a second grader calling her kid the N word. at our elementary school. Who would think such young kids, but where do they get the words from? I don't blame you since I would want to go in full force myself, its disgusting.
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I'm going to contact the teacher. From what DD tells me the teacher only tells the kids that type of language is inappropriate and tells them to not use it again. I've never gotten one single note from the teacher the entire school year unless it involves something my kids have done. The kids come home and tell me everything. If this is what kindergarten is like its got me thinking I need to put some plans in place for the higher grades.
Who uses such foul language around little kids? When I was a kid at least people pretended to be decent around the little ones till they were older.
As a first and second grade teacher for over ten years, I have never heard a child in this age group EVER use the n word. That is a pretty serious offence. If a child ever used that word in my classroom, I would be in the office consulting with the principal and the child's parents ASAP.
That parent needs to know their child is using that word. If it did come from the parents, maybe this will be an eye opener for them. If it came from somewhere else, I'm sure the parents will be mortified and give the child a good talking to.
Schools are taking the bullying thing pretty seriously now. I had a girl in my class last year tell another girl she was a fat piggy. She even said "Oink, Oink" to the girl on the bus. When I was told about the incident I was furious.
I had a good talking to the girl and told her how mean and hurtful her words were. I asked how she would feel if someone used those words on her on a bus full of other kids. I promptly called her parents as well and they were shocked that she had said something so mean. And in fact, it was not the first time she had said really mean things to a child in our class.
I'd absolutely talk to the school about the n word and follow up on things in a few weeks after the "watchful eyes" kind of relax.
At this age I have to think they heard it from someone in a racial/negative way and not from the music or media scene, so it would really concern me.
I can totally relate to the fat thing and it's SO hard to work with this. A boy told my dd at age 8 or 9 that she was fat and had thunder thighs.:mad: It really affected her & even now at 13 she finds things "wrong" about herself. Part of it is teen normalcy but part of it I have to wonder if it's not related to that, kwim? The media exposure to stick thin air brushed perfection "beauty" doesn't help either. So yes, I agree with your approach of building her self esteem & nipping that one in the bud since it seems like it's happened more than once. That's my rule of thumb on these things - if it develops into a pattern, I step in. (I consider 3 verbal incidents a pattern)
Overall, I really do feel we've arrived at a higher place of negativity and toxicity in general which feeds through to the kids/school. It's sad in more ways than one and I'm sorry your dd is dealing with this at such an early age.
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Wish you the best on the outcome. I posted before how my oldest had encountered quite a bit of the race based jokes, most jokes were in regards the minorities. Apparently kids get it from the adults. I recently checked out a fb friend's kids pics. I viewed a few of the pics, it included fake spats titled as "ghettoing".They were not Black, but there was a Black kid in the background pic. I discuss as avenues with my oldest, and to me laughing along is not cool either. In this post racial time and backlash against all things " PC' I am glad that my oldest is in a school where such topics such as the N word are discussed in the right historical and sociological/psychological context, and their povs are validated.
I think the school has things in place for older kids and they are not quite sure what to do with the little ones. You have kindy kids trying to act like they are teenagers. People really need to watch their language and behavior around all kids.
I've discovered it makes my job a whole lot easier if other parents have rules and enforce them. When my kids discovered other kids have the same rules as they have I have zero problem with them accepting it. If other parents let their kids run buckwild then that's when I have to work harder at enforcing rules. People seriously need to stop this "do as I say not as I do parenting."
Yes, totally low parenting standards.
Sleeplvr
I think the school has things in place for older kids and they are not quite sure what to do with the little ones. You have kindy kids trying to act like they are teenagers. People really need to watch their language and behavior around all kids. I've discovered it makes my job a whole lot easier if other parents have rules and enforce them. When my kids discovered other kids have the same rules as they have I have zero problem with them accepting it. If other parents let their kids run buckwild then that's when I have to work harder at enforcing rules. People seriously need to stop this "do as I say not as I do parenting."