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Our as is 13, been wuth us since he was 2 adopted at 4. He has been suffering from depression for two years now, hospitalized twice for attempting to kill himself. Once at age 11 and the last time was Jan of this year. He takes abilify, clonidine and zoloft for his depression. His psychiatrist thinks bi polar we dont see that . He also has a diagnosis of ODD and possible ADHD. He has many problems including stealing, lying, angry outbursts and seems to be addicted to pornography. He also loves to direct all his anger at me and tell everyone i am his problem. His behaviors are escalating rapiodly over the past several months. Last week i found magazines in his room he is not allowed and so I took them. Sunday night after having a great day with a family friend here he tried to break in to our room wanting his magazines back. Of course my husband wasnt home that is when he likes to be his worst. When I caught him trying to break in(we have to keep our room locked because he steals things all the time) he got very angry and left the house. When he came back in I was upstairs with our fs who was getting a bath. Our as room is right across from the bathroom so when he started throwing things in his room I went in the bathroom with our fs and stood at the door so he couldnt come in. He started banging on the door and trying to break it down. I thought he had a hammer but it turned out to be a screwdriver and I was scared because he has tried to hurt me before(usually throwing things at my feet because I have a disability and cant walk right so he wants me to fall and go back to the hospital.) My husband was unable to get right home so I called 911. By the time the police got here of course he calmed down and the only thing they could do was over to transport him to the local hospital which was the first place he was hospitalized and it was useless(he was ther for one week at age 11 and the psychiatrist never talked to us once even though we requested to talk to him every day). S o they gave us the card with the crisis number on and left after making some rude comments. We called crisis and till they finally got here it was 1130 and he was asleep. So he pretty much once again got away with coming after me. I think this is part of the problem I am the only one who gives him consequences for his actions. I dont think anyone else understands just how serious his problems are. We are suppose to be getting wraparound services but they are taking too long to get it set up. I am at my wits end not knowing what to do. Nobody including my husband 9he works 12 hour shifts and our as is usually at his worst when he isnt here so he can blame it on me)seems to get how serious it has become. I think what I really need is someone to understand it isnt my fault and give me some ideas on how to help the situation. Sorry this is so long I just needed to vent somewhere safe.
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I'm sorry for what you are going through. I used to lead a parent support group for parents of children with ADHD and I learned a lot from other mothers and by reading books. From your description of your son's behavior, there are definitely signs of ODD and bipolar behavior and possibly some more serious behavioral problems. ODD is very common with bipolar diagnosis. I would recommend that you learn as much as you can about bipolar and management of ODD. Russell Barkley wrote several books on ADHD and on managing oppositional youth. You might also want to consider checking out your local mental health agencies in your area. They can be a great wealth of information, especially talking with other parents with similar struggles, if you can find a local support group. Nobody wants to hear that their child might have a serious mental health disorder but it happens and is often genetic in nature. You need to take action for your own safety and the safety of the other family members. As a mother of three children with Tourette syndrome, ADHD and OCD, and a former group leader for a parent ADHD support group, I feel safe to say that the behaviors you describe are more than just ADHD. I wish I could offer you some hope but I think the doctors are probably right. And I fear there could be other issues in the future, like conduct disorder, if this is not handled well. Wraparound can be helpful and adjusting medication dosages may be needed. Sometimes the kids have to be admitted to get the meds regulated properly. Good luck to you and your family with this very difficult problem.
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This does sound like my bi-polar child and it sounds like he may need a stronger anti=psychotic and a mood stabilizer. Ambilify worked for my son for a few months and then seemed to lose it's effectiveness.
I'd also recommend door alarms if you don't have them. You might also look at attachment disorder since he seems to target only you and can turn it on or off for police or the hospital.
I would call 911 every time he comes at you. You need a paper trail of his dangerous behavior. I didn't do this and when I had to move my son out for attempted murder, it made it much harder to qualify him for services.
Sorry the hospitals are not helpful. Can you request a new psychological evaluation or an in hospital med wash or something to see if there is more going on chemically or something therapy would help with?
Kids with tempers like you describe can be so dangerous and so, so draining. I hope you can find some help.
So sorry to hear this. You do need serious help, serious support. I wish I had something wise to offer in terms of advice, but did want to let you know you're not alone.So little *good* help is given to people -- whether adoptive or not -- when such struggles emerge with their children.One idea just occurred to me, sparked by lucyjoy saying that you need to document. You know how sometimes they play back 911 calls? If you called while your son is beating on the door, can you have them record for a while for you? IOW, can you ask them to stay on the line till the police get there? And then hold the phone close to the noise he's making, and I would guess he's also yelling? Can you ask him some reasonable requests, to demonstrate that he doesn't respond to them?Do you by any chance have a small tape recorder that you could record one of his rages with? The last one I got, I got via Freecycle. Goodwill type places might have them, too.
you have to protect yourself and your family- when he does this call the police and have him arrested- and do not let the police talk you out of it. Having him arrested may the best thing you can do for him- he has to realize that he cannot terrorize the family and just do what ever he wants when he wants and every body should just deal with it. He may end up going to a boot camp- my son did and in his case it was the best thing for him. He isn't perfect now but he is doing a whole lot better than he was before. I know it sounds harsh and you may feel like you failed as a parent but he is making the choice to behave this way. Yes he will have a record but it will be as a juvenile and it could be expunged when he becomes 21. In my case I would rather my son have a record as a juvenile and learn he can't be violent and smash things and and steal and run away because he doesn't want to do his chores. I would rather this happen now than when he is an adult and then he will spending years of hard time with some people who really are bad.
I can relate to your struggles. My daughter turned 13 and seems to have lost it! In one incident she choked me. She has been in psych. Hospital 6 times in 6 months. Since I adopted in Hawaii and now live in Californiai I have had to give up custody to the state in order to get her the help she needs! I can not tell you how awful this has been for our family. She is currently in a residential program for her first through assessment and diagnosis. Seems to be responding well to new meds and we are hoping she's going to be coming home in next few months. it has taken a huge toll on my family and especially on me. I adopted as a single mom and just got married 2 years ago. (something that seems to have been a trigger for some of these issues). We are looking at a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and depression, although she is too young for that diagnosis. Scares me as to her future and our family! We also have a 15 year old son who is her bio half brother. He has ADHD and tourettes. The only thing I can say to anyone facing problems with their children is, you must be advocate for them and keep looking for the help they need. Bless you and best wishes!
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